Generally , children misbehave to achieve any one or all of the following manifestations:

1.CHILDREN MISBEHAVE TO GAIN ATTENTION. When children misbehave in this way, they are trying to feel significant and to gain a sense of belonging by drawing attention to themselves (“You haven’t been paying enough attention to me! I want you to notice me and care about me!”).

2. CHILDREN MISBEHAVE TO ACHIEVE POWER. Here, children are trying to feel important and connected to others by asserting themselves in a strong way (“I can do what I want, where I want, when I want! So there!”).

3. CHILDREN MISBEHAVE TO SEEK REVENGE. Children want compensation for the hurt wrought by the feeling of being deprived of importance or a sense of belonging (“So you don’t think I matter much, do you? Well, I’ll show you a thing or two!”).

4. CHILDREN MISBEHAVE TO ASSUME AN ATTITUDE OF INADEQUACY. They react to a perceived loss of importance and belonging by simply giving up. (“Nothing I do makes any difference to you! Well, you can just forget about it! I’m not doing anything anymore!”).

A discourage child

A misbehaving child is a discouraged child. Consequently, another important strategy for addressing this behavior is to provide children with gentle encouragement through a friendly, caring and respectful attitude, especially when revenge or perceived inadequacy is a motive or the motive for misbehaving.

Punishments violate the dignity of children and breed resentment, a desire for revenge, and a retreat into feelings of low self-worth. Excessive rewards, meanwhile, tend to show a lack of trust and also to undermine the dignity of the child.

Parents of misbehaving children tend to use significantly more commanding and negative statements and fewer neutral and positive ones with their children, than do the parents of the so-called “normal” children. However, such negative communications rarely have the intended effect of forming better-behaved children.

More likely, they may worsen an already fractured parent-child relationship. That’s why the development of more positive communication patterns between parents and their children represents a major ingredient in the effort to improve the children’s behavior and ensure their parents’ peace of mind.

Non-verbal cues

Paying attention to non-verbal communication is critical. Experts in the field of kinetics (body-motion studies) suggest that humans can produce almost three-quarters of a million different gestures, postures, and facial expressions in communicating.

These plus vocal inflection and other non-verbal factors tend to create complex patterns of communication between people. Parents should thus make sure that their non-verbal messages match their verbal ones lest their children become confused.

Touch appears to stimulate the release of endorphin in the brain. Endorphin is a substance with a pain-relieving effect similar to morphine.

It helps dissolve tension and frees up constricted muscular energy that can then flow in a child’s body more naturally.

Touch is simply human energy. Applying it in nourishing ways on kids whose energies are off-track will help them find a place of calm within themselves, and can assist them in moving with confidence into the world.

A brief back-rub, a kiss, a hug. Giving our children these could not possibly cost a parent anything, and yet could mean a world of difference to them and their learning.

Parents have been noted to play a key role in the success of their children who initially experienced difficulties in school but proceeded to be among the greatest thinkers in history. The positive time that these parents spent with their children helped create turning points for them.

A positive relationship between parents and their children prepares the latter for full and active participation in the world. This relationship is forged by all the little moments spent together: moments of playfulness, creativity, respect, solving problems, wonder, silliness, curiosity, and delight.

(Henry S. Tenedero is the president of the Center for Learning and Teaching Styles and MINDful IDEAS, an affiliate of the International Learning Styles Network, based at St. John’s University in New York. He is a graduate of the AIM Masters in Development management and of the Harvard Graduate School for Professional Educators. He can be reached at htenedero@yahoo.com.)