DEAR CHICO AND DELAMAR...The way my boyfriend and I started our relationship is very unusual. We didn’t go through the process of getting to know each other before jumping into a serious relationship.

See, I hired him to pretend to be my boyfriend because of some trouble I had with a colleague. He agreed to do it, saying he loved me anyway, and after the drama with my colleague was done, we became a real couple. But for almost two years, he was more like my ghost boyfriend in the sense that he doesn’t usually show up and didn’t even communicate with me constantly.

I feel so neglected. I thought he didn’t really love me because I believe that when somebody loves you he’ll do his best to spend time with you which he doesn’t do. It got to a point that I asked him about the status of our relationship. He just said he loves me and he’s just too busy with his studies. What I thought was that he was just taking me for granted because he got me so easily.

After not having communication with him for four months I ended up having an affair with a colleague. When I was able to get in touch with him again, he found out about this affair, but we reconciled anyway.

In some way the affair had been a help: my boyfriend now tries to give me his time and he has made efforts to bond with some of my family members. But what disappoints me now is that I haven’t met any member of his family and not even his friends. We’re already in our late 20’s and I don’t see why I can’t meet his family.

Until now I’m confused as to whether he really loves me. I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. Sometimes I want to give up but I end up thinking of how long we’ve been together and decide that it would be better to continue. Am I making the right decision to stay in this relationship?

CHICO SAYS...What you need to understand is that your situation is NOT normal. Your “boyfriend” doesn’t show for four months (WTF?), he only shows interest when you have an affair, and he hasn’t introduced you to his family. Of course there is the possibility that there is a perfectly acceptable reason why he hasn’t, so this is as best a time as any to ask.

Have you actually tried to sit him down and seriously ask why not? If he has a good reason, now is the time to reveal it. Unless he has some Edward Cullen sh*t going on, I don’t see any reason why he can’t reveal the conscious attempt to keep you hidden.

What you should have done when the office drama died down was to re-assess your relationship with this guy. You should’ve sat him down and asked him, now that the need to be together for the sake of utility is over, what exactly are you to each other? Are you still role-playing? Have you segued from reel to real? Is it still a relationship of convenience? Is it a hobby or a pastime?

You should have asked these questions, among others, so you don’t run around like a headless chicken in this relationship. It’s not too late though, there is ample time to finally sort things out. Ask him the real status of your relationship. Ask him why he hasn’t introduced you to his family. Ask him what his eventual intentions are. Tell him your expectations as far as the relationship is concerned. How often do you think you should see each other?

If you’re satisfied with the answers, then by all means, stay. But if his answers only bring about more questions, then please re-think this man of mystery of yours. At this stage in your relationship, you should be able to ask the difficult question without any fear of reproach. You both deserve as much. A relationship is no place for secrets.

DELAMAR SAYS…Next to love, in my opinion, what two people should share is a common idea of how the relationship should go, feel and look like. It’s the proverbial “being on the same page.’’ This means that two separate people share the same goal in a relationship.

It may be that they understand that they are each other’s priorities, next to God, if they are not agnostics or atheists. It may be that they are united and one in how they want to approach marriage. It may even be that they are of the same mind when it comes how to share each other’s friends and family with each other. All this is included in their road map to their common happiness.

What I see in your situation is that you both don’t seem to share the same plan as to how this relationship should be handled. He seems to be going his own way and you seem to be going yours. Therein lies the problem. Because you are pulling the relationship one-way and he is pulling it towards another direction. He doesn’t share your idea of wanting to share more time together and communicating constantly (whatever constant might mean for you). I mean, it seems strange that he will forego communicating with you for four months! That’s a bit much. It leaves his partner wondering what’s happening, what does this lack of communication mean, and what is he doing with his time and why don’t you know about it?

Obviously, you don’t share the same idea of what a happy, fulfilling and connected relationship should be. And that begs the question, you’re thinking of marriage already, is he? I know maybe you do not want a specific date from him to tie the knot, but you at least want to know if that is his plan eventually…with you!

There’s a lack of communication between you and your boyfriend. And if your relationship with each other will be happy, fulfilling and long lasting, you will both have to buckle down and address the difference in your approach to each other and this relationship you share.

At some point, you will have to ask the difficult questions and see where he is at and where you are. If it is not the same page, then it is time to ask, can you both compromise so that you keep each other?

Tell him that how it is right now is not making you happy. Tell him you want more communication and a sharing of his family and friends as well. Most of all, tell him about your concern when it comes to your age and how you feel like it is time to see if this is headed somewhere serious.

Don’t nag him, just state it plain and simple what you want in your relationship with him. And then ask him to be as honest and open with you because you need to know if this is something worth keeping or something that you need to let go of.

Try to lessen the drama that usually accompanies these kinds of talks. Just be open and honest with him. But also be prepared to hear an answer you may not like. When you have these kinds of talks you have to be prepared for the unwanted answer.

Summon up the courage and talk to him about everything that is on your mind. And then be prepared to really listen to what is on his mind too. And then when all the cards are on the table hopefully you will know what direction you should take for yourself and/or for each other.

(Chico and Delle welcome your letters. Write to: youth@mb.com.ph or fax through 527-7511. Listen to the Dynamic Duo Monday to Saturday, 6 a.m. to 9 a.m. over Monster Radio RX 93.1)