DEAR CHICO AND DELAMAR...

A close friend of mine is getting married next year, and she has turned into a Bridezilla! She has made so many impossible demands that are honestly starting to turn off the rest of her bridal party and may frankly endanger her wedding.

Early on in the wedding preparations, two of our other friends had been honest that they were trying to get pregnant, and Bridezilla actually told them she’d rather not have them conceive because she, I quote, “deosn’t want maternity dresses in her entourage.”

I thought she was just joking, but when our friends actually got pregnant, rather than be happy, she was actually very unhappy with the two of them. When both volunteered to drop out or play less important roles in the wedding, our friend got even more upset.

As for me, she’s been asking me for money, which I normally would have lent her but I am experiencing tough financial times myself. I’ve helped her out as best I could, but her demands on my time and my resources are getting more and more irrational. And it’s not just me and my friends who are starting to get put off; even her other bridesmaids are getting annoyed.

My friends and I love her dearly, but we are all in agreement that she has to get a grip on herself. How can we bring her back to sanity without making it sound like we don’t understand
how important her wedding day is to her? -Kate

CHICO SAYS…

This is her lesson, not yours. She needs to deal with you and your friends’ sh*t as much as you need to deal with hers.

With some people, all it takes to learn a lesson is a heart-to-heart talk, and all is settled. But with others, sometimes it takes something more intense to make them sit down and pay attention better.

I think between losing her friends and her thinking, you don’t understand her high-pressure situation right now, it makes more sense to risk the latter. Sometimes, it’s just best to dish it to her as simply as you can. No babying, no walking on eggshells, just the plain truth, minus the bitchiness. If she’s anywhere near sensible, she would settle down her agitated state and give you, her very good friends, a good listen.

But if she decides to go the unreasonable route and make an even bigger fuss and accuse you guys of sabotaging her one and only wedding, then it’s her deal, not yours. She’s not a two year-old, she’s an adult, for crying out loud, and she needs to start acting the part. She can’t go around hurting her dearest friends and expect everyone to turn into doormats and let her walk all over them as much as she wants. She needs to respect them as human beings, and their accompanying feelings,
no matter how big the occasion at stake may be.

True, her wedding is her one big day, but it doesn’t excuse bad behavior.

Better let her freak out at what you have to say, rather than not say anything and let the friendship die a natural death.

People often forget that a friendship is still a relationship. It takes two to tango, and she needs to put in the work as much as the other guy. Like I said, do your part, and hopefully she does hers.

DELAMAR SAYS...

DO NOT GET SUCKED INTO HER VORTEX OF NEGATIVITY. Period.

This is a trying time for your friend. Obviously she needs to learn some things about how far you can ask people to go out of their way for your wedding but never mind that for now. That is her lesson but yours will be totally different.

In my opinion, yours is to learn not to REACT but learn to RESPOND APPROPRIATELY towards your friend and the situation in general.

My advice? Just focus on your role and whatever it is in your capacity to help. That’s all you have to worry about. Don’t worry about what the others are feeling, what they have decided whether they will be a part of the entourage or not, or whether you should dig deep into your pocket when you cannot afford it.

Focus. Gather. And keep your eye on the ball. What is it that is expected of you here? To attend and perform the tasks that you have agreed to do for your friend’s wedding. Beyond that, you don’t have to.

So, if you are part of the entourage then just do all that you have to do for that. Be on time for rehearsals. If you cannot make it other times, make sure you are there for the final practice.

Do not lend money to the bride if you cannot afford it. That is simply not something you can afford to do if you say you have some financial concerns of your own. When she asks just tell her plain and straight that another time you would be willing to help a little but at the present moment you have problems of your own. No editorial. No commentary. Just the plain truth.

The more you stick to the basics the less room for conjecture and therefore less room for arguments and reading between the lines. Don’t worry about how other people feel about her, or how others are deciding to withdraw their participation from the wedding because that is their choice. Your choice will have to be independent of theirs and must be based on your own dealings with Bridezilla.

Looking at others’ conflict and using that to determine your own decision will just muddle the important point. Decide for yourself how much you can help, how much you will participate, and how much you will let other people’s issues with the bride affect your own decision.

So, just focus on what you have to do and how much you choose to help Bridezilla. As for others’ conflicts let that be between them and the bride. Let’s face it, if you were to do an intervention right now Bridezilla might not listen and instead feel that she is being ganged up on by her friends.

Obviously the wedding is putting a lot of stress on her. I don’t think you can do anything about that even if you wanted to. If you did, it might end up blowing up in your face and/or making matters worse.

So, my advice is to just, keep it simple. Just base all your decisions on your own dealings with Bridezilla. Decide how much you can help financially if at all and be straight with her. All the rest of the conflict is not yours to carry so don’t even try. Let the other people in the group talk with her if they have a problem with her. Don’t be the mediator because bridezilla’s are not the most rational people on the planet. Let the maid of honor or the mom do the talking if there is some serious talking to be done. For you, keep your head down and do the most you can for your friend.

(Chico and Delle welcome your letters. Write to: youth@mb.com.ph or fax through 527-7511. Listen to the Dynamic Duo Monday to Saturday, 6 a.m. to 9 a.m. over Monster Radio RX 93.1)