5. TEACH YOUR CHILD THE USE OF EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS.

Parents of misbehaving children tend to use significantly more commanding and negative statements and fewer neutral and positive ones with their children, than do parents of the so-called “normal” children.

However, such negative communications rarely have the intended effect of forming better-behaved children. More likely, they may worsen an already fractured parent-child relationship.

That’s why the development of more positive communication patterns between parents and their children represents a major ingredient in the effort to improve the children’s behavior and ensure their parents’ peace of mind.

Paying attention to non-verbal communication is critical. Experts in the field of kinetics (body-motion studies) suggest that humans can produce almost three-quarters of a million different gestures, postures, and facial expressions in communicating. These, plus vocal inflection and other non-verbal factors, tend to create complex patterns of communication between people. Parents should thus make sure that their non-verbal messages match their verbal ones lest their children become confused.

6. TEACH YOUR CHILD THE BEAUTY OF TOUCH THERAPY.

Touch appears to stimulate the release of endorphin in the brain. Endorphin is a substance with a pain-relieving effect similar to morphine. It helps dissolve tension and frees up constricted muscular
energy that can then flow in a child’s body more naturally.

Touch is simply human energy. Applying it in nourishing ways on kids whose energies are off-track will help them find a place of calm within themselves, and can assist them in moving with confidence into the world.

A brief back-rub, a kiss, a hug. Giving our children these could not possibly cost a parent anything, and yet could mean a world of difference to them and their learning.

7. TEACH YOUR CHILD THE VALUE OF BONDING OR SPENDING TIME TOGETHER

Parents have been noted to play a key role in the success of their children who initially experienced difficulties in school but proceeded to be among the greatest thinkers in history. The positive time that these parents spent with their children helped create turning points for them.

A positive relationship between parents and their children prepares the latter for full and active participation in the world. This relationship is forged by all the little moments spent together: moments of playfulness, creativity, respect, solving problems, wonder, silliness, curiosity and delight.

8. TEACH YOUR CHILD PHYSICAL RELAXATION TECHNIQUES.

While there are many possible ways of relieving stress, certainly one important tool involves the use of physical-relaxation exercises that a child can learn quickly and use frequently whenever he feels under pressure at home or in school. These exercises provide an immediate relief from muscular tension, offer a channel for discharging excess energy, supply a means of allaying anxiety, and give the child a way of focusing attention on something solid and specific- the physical body. Exercises help ground awareness in the here and now.

Life has never been as stressful as it is today. By teaching your child to use physical-relaxation strategies, you empower him with techniques that will equip him for the rest of his life.

9. TEACH YOUR CHILD BY ENHANCING HIS SELF-ESTEEM.

The development of a strong and positive sense of self occurs as a result of you child’s life experiences being acknowledged and validated by significant people around him, including his parents, teachers, and peers.

One of the best self-esteem builders is the use of affirmations or validating statements like: “I really love the way you smile!” or “You’ve got such a great sense of rhythm!” or “Hey, you were great in yesterday’s basketball game!”

Validation is different from praise, which is often used in a manipulative way to reinforce positive behavior. Validation should emerge out of a genuine and spontaneous feeling of appreciation for your child’s existence as a unique and special person.

The development of self-esteem ultimately needs to go beyond a collection of activities. At its heart, self-esteem education should touch every part of a child’s life, and should manifest itself in all the ways parents help a child handle conflicts, overcome obstacles, and meet challenges.

(The author Henry S. Tenedero is the president of the Center for Learning and Teaching Styles, an affiliate of the International Learning Styles Network, based at St. John’s University in New York. He is a graduate of the AIM Masters in Development management and of the Harvard Graduate School for Professional Educators. He is the author of the following books: Cooking Up A Creative Genius; The HI CLASS Teacher, Breakthrough Ideas in Education; and Using Passion and Laughter in Your Presentations. He can be reached at htenedero@yahoo.com)