DEAR CHICO AND DELAMAR...

I’m generally a friendly person, and have no trouble engaging total strangers in conversation and striking up friendships with people I’ve just met. I think everyone would agree that this is a good thing, and for the most part it has made my personal and professional life very easy.

Recently, however, this has proven to be a liability. One time, at the gym that I frequent, I had said hi to the person I was doing the treadmills with since we were the only people in the gym at the time. I had no problem when he started engaging me in conversation, but things took a sleazy turn a few minutes. He began talking, in really graphic detail, about the last girl he had sex with. I was so taken by surprise that I could only smile awkwardly at him.

Since then I’ve taken great pains to avoid him, but he seems to have this great knack of being in the gym whenever I’m there. He keeps engaging me in these one-sided conversations where he keeps talking about his sexual exploits and I reply with uh-huhs and awkward nods.

I’ve thought of changing gyms, but the one I go to right now is the closest to my house and is the most convenient. How do I fend him off without being rude about it? Or should I just forget about being nice and give him a verbal flaying? - KRISTINE

CHICO SAYS…

The problem is you’ve let it go on too long without a peep of protest. So long, that you’ve let him push you to a point where your only choices are either moving to another gym or letting it rip and tearing the guy down.

Remember, he was also taking his cue from you. If you just stand there and listen, even if you’re totally grossed out deep inside, he’d take that as interest on your part, that’s why he kept on doing it over and over again! Even if all you give him are nods and uh-huh’s, it still doesn’t betray any objection on your part. He thinks you’re a captive audience. But of course that doesn’t excuse improper behavior on his part, going “there” so soon after you start up casual small talk.

Is he a pervert? Maybe, leaning mostly on yes. So I guess it’s never too late to speak your mind without blowing your top. Just tell him calmly, “I’m sorry I should’ve spoken up earlier, but I’m really not comfortable talking about these things with you”, then politely walk away. He’d probably chase after you and apologize and maybe even offer to start over, but from there on, depending on what he does or says, be frank with your thoughts without being rude. If you don’t want anything to do with him anymore, then say so.

You have EVERY RIGHT to choose who you will and who you will not fraternize with. There’s no such thing as you HAVE to talk to him out of politeness’ sake. If he’s anywhere half decent (yes, it’s possible given everything that’s happened), he should get the point and back off. Some people get off on talking dirty with complete strangers, you just need to let him know that you’re not one of them. He should peddle his erotic episodes elsewhere.

DELAMAR SAYS…

Chatting up strangers is like Russian roulette. You just never know if it’s going to click or not.

Unfortunately for you, this time it didn’t click. Of course, the gym is the modern day hooking up place for singles. Maybe he misconstrued your being friendly for being a player or flirting.

So, I wouldn’t be surprised if this guy is actually “advertising” his sexual prowess to you, so to speak. Sharing all these exploits are meant to tell you 1. He is good, 2. He is available, and 3. He is someone who has no trouble getting girls, which ups his appeal…or so he thinks.

Nevertheless, whatever his intentions are he just doesn’t get it that you’re not interested. Subtlety might not work on him. So walking away or a quick nod but no repartee is probably not going to work. So I suggest the direct approach.

Next time he starts his verbal sexual posturing cut him short and say, “I’m sorry I’m not really interested in having this kind of conversation.” Then smile. Then walk away.

It’s important that you tell him directly that you don’t plan to engage in this kind of talk as you excuse yourself politely. Do it as often as he starts this kind of conversation. Send the message loud and clear and unequivocally that you just don’t like it.

Now, if he is willing to talk about anything else then you can engage him in a decent conversation. Should he parlay that into a sexual one then cut him off again. Think of it as being a conversational Lorena Bobbitt. In place of cutting off his member though you cut off his segues into flirting. Men, especially his kind, need training. They don’t know how to read social cues and hints so you must take on a more hardline approach.

Good luck and hope the tool gets the message.

(Chico and Delle welcome your letters. Write to: youth@mb.com.ph or fax through 527-7511. Listen to the Dynamic Duo Monday to Saturday, 6 a.m. to 9 a.m. over Monster Radio RX 93.1)