Illustration by OTEP ANTIPOLO

I received this email very recently:

Dear Anna,

I really hope you can help me!  I just found out that my ex-boyfriend is arriving to visit his parents and he wants to see me.  After six years of being married, I’m now a single parent with two children and I am happy with my life but I don’t want him to see me looking like a matron.  I gained about 15 pounds since he last saw me about nine years ago.  But I want to look like a sexy and glowing career girl and young mom instead of like a tired woman of 37 with a full-time career and no social life.  I will be seeing him in two days or less.  Can you give me some tips on how I can look my very best?  My friends are advising me to take diuretics to lose some weight.  Will that work?  Thank you in advance!

I received this email about three days before I submitted this article and because of the time constraint, I replied directly to her, but I wanted to print my reply for everyone so that in case this situation ever happens to you, you’ll have a survival plan at your fingertips! And remember most importantly that if you take a little time out of every day to take care of yourself you’ll be in a lot less panic when the time comes for your exes or schoolmates etc. to bump into you.

This was my reply:

First of all, I hope you don’t think I’m being preachy but I’d just like to say that as a single mother, you’ve achieved a lot and have much to be proud of and this guy’s perception of you should in no way make you think less of yourself.  Now I’ll stop the lecturing and give you the best possible advice that I can!

Assuming that you’re going to make lots of time in the next 24 to 36 hours to devote to pampering and preparing before this momentous event, you must divide up the precious time available to safely and effectively make yourself into the best possible version of yourself, and my suggestions on how to do this must be done methodically and in the right order so as to make the most of the time you have.  I prepared this “Task List” so that you have exactly 36 hours to get yourself ready - so all you have to do is count backwards from the time you intend to see the person - let’s call it D-Hour.  If, for example, D-Hour is at 7 p.m. on Sunday evening, then you know you must begin no later than 7 a.m. on Saturday morning or if that’s too early, then the night before can make up for the few extra hours.  I’m running out of space so the complete task list will come next issue but for now, let me give you a very important list of things NOT to do while you’re getting ready for D-Hour: Caution!

•DO NOT pick at your blackheads or pimples!  You’ll be able to see your blackheads more clearly when you’re plucking your eyebrows, so you may be tempted to poke or prick - let me warn you vehemently - this is not the time to do this!  No matter how carefully you do it, red marks will show up in about 12 hours that cannot be properly covered up with makeup.  If you’re extra unlucky, there might even be slight swelling and red bumps are definitely not what you need at the moment.

•DO NOT try a new haircut, hairstyle, haircolor or perm.

•DO NOT buy new makeup unless you’re replenishing stuff you’ve used often before because this is not the time to experiment on new colors or textures.  You know how some lipsticks tend to flake after a few hours so you can actually peel them off your lips?  You have to know a lipstick or eyeshadow or blusher very well before you can trust it enough to be completely confident that you look your best.

•DO NOT take a diuretic.  This is not just for health issues, although that’s a big consideration.  The major reason is that because it takes as much liquid as it can out of your system, your skin and hair and eyes end up looking dried out and this makes you look haggard, which is far from the fresh and dewy look you want.

•DO NOT purchase an expensive and trendy outfit that you’re not sure makes you look fabulous.  Wear something you already own that makes you look and feel great.  After all, if he hasn’t seen you in nine years, he most likely hasn’t seen it unless he’s been avidly studying all your Facebook pictures.  And if he has, then honey, you don’t have to go through all this trouble to get him to think you’re still gorgeous - he probably already does!

(Write the author at wellbeing@mb.com.ph.)