Children with selective mutism need a lot of compassion and understanding.

They are not doing this to defy the adults around them.

Consultant psychologist Lala Alcala says that it is very important for teachers and parents to educate themselves on selective mutism (SM) to be able to provide academic accommodations for children with SM. This will eventually help them speak in the school setting.

To help kids deal with the condition, parents and teachers must:

Know that the child is NOT oppositional, is not doing this to defy parents or other adults around them.

Children with SM need a lot of compassion and understanding. In fact, many of them really want to adhere to rules and are quite compliant. Speaking in certain settings is really just a very difficult task for them and if they could, they would not choose to be this way.

Not force the child to speak if the child is already not speaking for quite some time and they have already been diagnosed with SM. This will just increase their anxiety. Instead, make your immediate goal to find ways of helping the child feel more comfortable in the settings where they do not speak. We should avoid blaming, bribing, coercing, or pleading with the child.

So far, I have not known this to work. Sometimes setting modest rewards for goals met (e.g., child whispers to teacher) is ok, but again, this needs to be well-planned and thought out, and discussed with the team working with the child.

Understand that to get them to speak again is a gradual process and adults around them may need to be creative first in showing the child that they can initially communicate in various ways (e.g., gestures, writing, pointing, use of videotapes, etc.). Of course the eventual goal is still to help the child speak in these settings, but gradual exposure is very important, and needs to be planned carefully.

Be patient. Patience is key. It may be frustrating especially for parents to see their otherwise chatty, incredibly intelligent, and happy child, suddenly clam up in certain situations. Parents can talk to trusted friends/other parents who understand the condition, teachers, or mental health professionals about their frustrations, if they need support.

Educate yourself. There are a lot of good books and websites about SM (e.g. www.selectivemutism.org) that could provide you with basic and initial information about this condition. Knowledge is half the battle.

Have faith in your child and continue to see their strengths. Knowing that you have sought help, interventions are in place, it may always be good to remain hopeful that eventually the child will be comfortable enough to communicate.

Also, continue looking at their strengths (many are quite creative) and finding ways of building these up; some children with SM feel frustrated with themselves for not being able to speak, so they may also need to see that despite their difficulty in talking in the meantime, they are still good at many other things.