DEAR CHICO AND DELAMAR...

I’ve been listening to you guys since 1996, but for the last two years I haven’t been able to catch up much as I’ve been out of the country for years now.

I’ve been working abroad for the past six years now – one year in Abu Dhabi, four and a half years in Dubai, and my sixth year has been spent in Doha. I’ve had the privilege to work in a good and established company here in the Middle East, and have had great colleagues and roommates. We are paid well in our work, but not as “rich as you Chico”!

Living independently is ok, but I’m not happy anymore. I want to go home and work PERMANENTLY in our country. I want to be with my Mom, and play with my dogs back home. It sounds so simple but it’s hard to achieve. Homesickness is always there, the pain and longing to be with my family is always in my head day and night. This would be by sixth Christmas away from my family.

It seems like God has other plans for me which I’m trying to understand. I’m trying my best to follow what he has in store for me, but I’m fed up working with other nationalities. Now my boss is hinting that maybe we will be having a seminar in China. Maybe God is playing jokes on me. He knows in my heart I want to work in my native land, now seems like He is sending me to China.

I know resigning from my work is not an easy solution, as the global crisis still continues, and I know there are millions of Filipinos that are jobless, and there are people out there whose primary goal is to work abroad.

My question is: What do you do guys when things in your life doesn’t go in the way you want it? If you were in my situation what will you do?

I saw your blog Chico about having a vacation in Palawan, together with Del, and I feel a huge hole in my chest, knowing that I’ve been to other places, but never been in Palawan. -Theresa

CHICO SAYS...

I’ve long stopped trying to figure out why life takes us where it does. Some days I realize how lucky I am because of the many blessings I’ve received, and other days I feel cursed because of the many things in life I feel fate has denied of me.

I guess it only illustrates how relative our lot in life is. In the end, it’s all about perspective.

Like you said, it’s a fact that so many people would give an arm and a leg to live the life you have. Some spend all their lives trying to get work abroad, and in many cases, exercises in futility. You on the other hand, have had the good fortune to work in many countries abroad, yet all you yearn for is to be able to take a vacation in Palawan like us.

But then if you ask me, who has been to Palawan many times, I envy those Pinoys who live and work in places I adore like New York. But ask those people there...I guess you know what I’m getting at.

Sometimes, and I am so guilty of this, it’s a case of anywhere but here. It doesn’t really matter where you are, if there is no contentment, then you’d be miserable wherever you are.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to tell you that you’re not grateful for your blessings, but sometimes our lives are so rubbed into our faces that we fail to recognize how beautifully unique it is. I promise you, should you suddenly find yourself back at home, it will only be a matter of time before you get wanderlust once again and pine for the days when you roamed the earth like a free nomad.

It’s funny how you say you’re being compensated well but not as much as we’re paid. I know it’s a joke, but there is a grain of truth there, much like how the grass is always greener on the other side. Do you actually know how much we earn? You’d be surprised. Don’t be so sure because you might actually earn more if we went ahead and compared notes.

But my point is, you feel we earn more, but we feel other people earn much more. If you’re not happy, then what is enough? Discontent is a bottomless abyss that’s impossible to fill, no matter how much you try to fill it with money or material things.

You just want to be with your mom and play with your dogs. That’s my life you’re describing right there. But would I describe my life as ideal? No way.

I think we both need to learn to appreciate what we have. Let’s not wait for life to take away from us things that we take for granted before we realize their worth. It’s a cliché , but let’s face it, many of our lives ARE clichés.

So my advice? Find a healthy compromise.

If you want to visit Palawan, make it your goal. Try to see how possible it is, save up for it, fix your leaves, and do what is necessary to make your dream come true. It may prove difficult, but it isn’t impossible. Maybe you working hard abroad could be your key to achieving what you want in life. It doesn’t always have to be an either/or proposition, your dream life and your actual life can always overlap to a degree.

Be thankful for what you have in life, then use that to get what you want. Want it, and you have better chances of getting it.

DELAMAR SAYS...

Whenever your head and your proverbial heart disagree, there will always be conflict within you.

If you were to just follow your head, you would keep the job you have so that you can be sure you have a means to earn a very good living.

If you follow your heart, you wonder if despite the cushy salary it is worth it to be away from home?

The basic question is: should you be financially comfy but lonely there or come home where you belong but take the risk of not finding a job? Half of you knows you should stay there but the other wants to come home. This disconnect is metaphorically tearing you apart. You are being pulled in two directions at the same time.

Ask yourself what you want and then ask yourself if you have the courage to do it. This is a situation where you can’t have assurances. If you come home, you will lose the security of having the job you have and all the perks that come with it. No guarantees that you will find a job just as good. Although, there is also nothing that says you won’t ever get a good job here as well. It’s just that the probability is not that high. If you stay in your present work, expect that there will be homesickness still ahead. Either way, something is sacrificed.

Can you live with the consequences of coming home? Can you afford to take that risk? Can you live with being here but not making as much money? Are there options for you here? Have you checked out the classified ads here in Manila for the jobs that you might be qualified for? Can you apply for jobs here while you are there? What steps have you taken into going into the direction of your desire?

See, it’s easy to long for home when you are lonely abroad or if there is little support group in terms of having a loved one or friends where you are. It’s easier to survive away from home when you have a circle that offers you true companionship, affection whether romantic or platonic, or just plain old fun and pleasant human interaction. Nothing will ever replace the ties with family but having friends will alleviate some of the loneliness.

So here’s my advice: decide what you really want. And then don’t just stay in the realm of wanting but also take the necessary steps in reaching out for what you want. If you want to stay there, then start being open to making new friends or building a life that will make you relatively happy where you are. If you find out that you really just want to come home, then take the steps that will lead you to an acceptable job here in the Philippines. If you can apply for the job while still there do it. It lessens the risk on your part.

It is easy to get overwhelmed by loneliness. However, there is a point where you have to take the first practical steps of knowing how to alleviate that loneliness, whether that is to try to build a social support group there so you are not so hungry for companionship or taking the first real steps to getting a job here even as you are still there. The bottom line is to do something. Take the first steps towards the direction of your desire. Then and only then will you know your true chances of achieving them.

(Chico and Delle welcome your letters. Write to: youth@mb.com.ph or fax through 527-7511. Listen to the Dynamic Duo Monday to Saturday, 6 a.m. to 9 a.m. over Monster Radio RX 93.1)