DEAR CHICO AND DELAMAR... When I first started seeing my girlfriend, I didn’t get along very well with her sister “Debra”. For quite some time this was the main stumbling block between my girlfriend and I, since she and Debra are pretty close.

Things between Debra and I got better as my relationship with my girlfriend progressed, and while we’re not going to be BFF’s any time soon, we have definitely improved from the Cold War that we had going on before.

But the problem now is that Debra and my girlfriend are the ones not getting along, and I admit that this is partly my fault. During a recent visit, Debra had taken my girlfriend aside and told her a few funny stories about her co-workers. I know this because I was curious about what they were laughing about and my girlfriend told me. She made me promise not to mention that I knew, because her sister had apparently sworn her to secrecy.

A few weeks later at a family gathering, I found myself stuck with Debra. Having nothing to talk about with her, I rather stupidly brought up the people she works with. She became really angry at my girlfriend, and my girlfriend was so upset about it we almost broke up. It would take a week of apologies from my girlfriend and flowers from me before Debra started talking to my girlfriend again.

Things have been patched up between the two of them, but it’s quite obvious that they’re not as close as they were before. I feel really, really terrible about what happened. I want nothing more than my girlfriend and her sister getting along like they used to, but is there anything else I can do at this point? -MILO

CHICO SAYS…I just find it funny, as this comedy of errors seemed to have played out, that the people most upset are the people most responsible for the trouble in the first place.

First off, whatever those secret stories are should’ve stayed untold to begin with. The fact that Debra swore your sister to secrecy meant she had no business telling anyone those stories. Then, if she was sworn to secrecy, your girlfriend shouldn’t have told you anything at all, saving HERER the trouble of swearing YOU to secrecy. So when you let it spill to Debra that you knew the story, she flipped out, like a stool pigeon angry at another stoolie for ratting
on her.

Apologies are definitely in order, but the offended should get off of their high horses because they’re guilty of the very same offenses themselves. You should apologize to your girlfriend, but she shouldn’t be too harsh with you because she is guilty of the very same transgression to Debra.

In the same vein, your girlfriend should apologize to Debra, but Debra shouldn’t have told anyone in the first place, so she is in no position to lecture anyone on keeping secrets herself.

So like I said, all three of you can learn a lesson or two on zipping your lips when it comes to keeping secrets. And since all three are guilty as charged, I hope each of you realizes your own hand in the whole mess.

Apologize for your part in it, then forgive the others who did the very same thing you did. As for mending fences, let time do it for you. These things don’t heal overnight.

And maybe it’s good for everyone in the long run to be a little traumatized so that the lesson sinks in a little better. Because if this were a ship, your loose lips would’ve sunk it a long time ago.

DELAMAR SAYS…In my opinion, you got two problems here.

One, you knew they shared that story in confidence and you coaxed it out of your girlfriend, and then told her sister about it. And two, your girlfriend betrayed her sister’s confidence.

The first problem you can do your best to apologize for. But the second one? Sorry, but that issue is between sisters. That will be between them to settle and deal with.

Although I really do have to say that you did set this situation in motion. I know you know that, but come on, how could you tell Debra the story you already knew was told in confidence? No matter how eager you were to just get the conversation going with Debra, this was an error in judgment. Although you know this and you are wracked with guilt even if you apologize there is still the aftermath to deal with. In other words, you made your bed and you will just have to lie in it.

Look, why don’t you apologize to Debra. Tell her you were just eager to get along with her so you got nervous and you told her something you shouldn’t have. Of course, it doesn’t solve the problem of her sister spilling her secrets to you at all. But it does highlight the fact that it’s important to you that you get along with her. It doesn’t excuse the betrayal of trust but at the very least it was done with the best of intentions.

While you’re at it, apologize for making this whole situation in the first place and now you have to live with the fact that you put a wedge between them. Those are the only cards you got. Play them well. There is no guarantee that it will get better but at least now it might have the best chance of getting
there.

Tell the truth. The whole truth and nothing but. Just the way you did in this letter. I wish they were both reading this, actually. Maybe they will see that this is a weird situation among three people who just want to get along. That’s the bottom line here. You love your girlfriend. You want to get along with her sister. She betrayed Debra’s trust and it hurt them both. All you three seem to care about each other. Yes, you two did something really wrong but you both admit the wrongdoing. If you really didn’t care you wouldn’t be this eager to help solve the situation or maybe just make it better.

Fight for it. There is still some chance for things to get better and keep your relationship with your girlfriend at the same time. You just have to do your part and tell the truth. Then leave it up to time for things to sink in and leave it up to Debra if she’s willing to forgive you both. Good luck, man. And next time, nevah evah come between sistahs!

(Chico and Delle welcome your letters. Write to: youth@mb.com.ph or fax through 527-7511. Listen to the Dynamic Duo Monday to Saturday, 6 a.m. to 9 a.m. over Monster Radio RX 93.1)