Based on the Facebook bra-haha a couple of weeks ago, now I know that most of my female friends favor noir-colored underthings followed by nude (unless they meant ourtwinsareroamingfreetoday) and white while a minority were hiding old rose, hunter green, pink, and printed pushups underneath their tops. Whether or not making the entire Facebook community become instant peeping Toms even without the actual peeping was done for breast cancer awareness or whatnot, it’s information like that that takes social networking to a more personal level of (dis)comfort.

Everyone including their grandmother is on Facebook these days, celebrities are tweet-fighting with their children, and normal people can’t seem to stop broadcasting every trivial detail about their lives. Things that never should be told to anybody are now online for anyone to Google, find, and make fun of.

No matter how many social networks you belong to or how often you update your profile in Facebook, keep in mind the thing that you should try, as much as you want to, not share with others online the following topics:

The end of a relationship
Breaking up with your girlfriend via a tweet makes breaking up over voicemail look chivalrous. It’s one thing to want to keep it short and undramatic, it’s another thing to say it in 140 characters or less. If you can’t bear the thought of dumping your de-beloved to their face, try doing it over instant messaging. Nothing says I’m sorry like a sad smiley face followed up by a kissy face, and bear hug. If you can’t take the all caps of a response after, you can sign out and claim you got disconnected.

Bodily functions
Do you think people really want to know that it wasn’t the olives in the pasta that made the dish more sour than usual hence making you flee for the comfort of that porcelain seat known as your throne every 15 seconds? I do hope you realize that if you’re well mentally and physically well enough to be able to do a Glee marathon, play Farmville, Café World, or Scrabble, and update your Twitter and Facebook status multiple times in under an hour, then your update of “sigh, I’m sick I hate it” loses its credibility.

Post-alcoholicism
Knowing that you hung out with your boys, Jim, Johnnie, and Jose drinking the night away would have been sort of wildly cool if you were still trying to pop those zits on your face. But, unfortunately you’re an adult now with hopefully, dermalogica-cared for skin and the people around you expect you to be able to drink without ending the night riding in an ambulance, snoozing on the wheel and crashing on concrete MMDA barriers, or hurling your dinner at someone or something. There’s still a speck of clear awareness of what you’re doing despite being under the influence of alcohol and being careless while you are, isn’t very funny.

Your.every.move
Unless your schedule involves something out of the ordinary (shower, work for 30 minutes from home then call it a day, dinner with (insert name of hottest celeb here)), no one cares that you’re just a normal Joe. Sure everyone is super happy that you can function like an ordinary and able human being, but no one is going to stamp stars on your hand and award you for managing to complete basic human functions. So unless you would like to openly invite a stalker into your life, quit letting everyone know your second to millisecond schedule.