ELECTIONS. My driver Pidong still cannot decide among Amboy, Lover Boy, Tom Boy, Kanto Boy, Tondo Boy or Mama’s Boy.

Senate jam session didn’t impale the intended victim, but gave Manny Villar’s ratings a bounce instead. With enemies like this, who needs friends?

Villar in neck-and-neck tie with Aquino. – Pulse Asia. To the rest of the pack, “Neck-neck nyo!”

BELOW THE BELT. NP spokesman Crispin Remulla suggests that Cory may have called Malacañang to divert SCTex to Hacienda Luisita. Now that’s bad-mouthing an icon, tsk, tsk!

Noynoy said that he heard but cannot confirm that Manny was “Psst…psst…psst”… That’s also tsimis.

Jammers can delay, but cannot cancel out electoral returns – Comelec. Biggest jammer at last Senate jam session was Jamby. Jambolaiah!

MAN’S HOME, HIS CASTLE. British bureaucrats ask farmer Robert Fidler to tear down the castle he secretly built and lives in. They want a Fidler w/o a roof.

Fidler built his unusual castle with cannon, ramparts, stained glass, in 2002 and lived there more than 4 years. His lawyer, Pritpal Singh Swarn, did not say it was built hulugan.

Can farmer Fidler keep his castle if he shows a coat of arms of noble birth?

VALENTINES. It takes a lot of heart, and more than Vicky Belo, to give a face-lift to a historical landmark. Manila Hotel’s EVP Enrique Y. Yap Jr. received from Gustavo Cabrera the plaque and cachet as member of the exclusive Prestige Hotels of the World.

Makati Mayor Jejomar Binay himself will officiate at mass civil wedding as Valentine's Day gift to unmarried couples. He and his wife former Mayor Dr. Elenita S. Binay are principal sponsors. Vote for ninong and ninang!

Binay says “Kasalan sa Makati 10” will make long-time live-in partners legal husband and wife and their children legitimate.

Again, there are no illegitimate children… only naughty parents.

About 200 couples also registered with the Navotas City Civil Registry for “Libreng Kasal sa Buwan ng Pagmamahal” to legitimize their marriage. Gaya-gaya!

HUSBANDS & ANIMAL HUSBANDRY. After pre-Valentine weekend, Argentina President Cristina Fernandez confirmed that “a bit of grilled pork is better than Viagra.” Maybe, but not halal.

COST OF LIVING. Walter Co., Philippine Baking Association president, announced the increase of pan de sal prices due to high cost of ingredients. For discounts, try multiplying them at Mount Beatitude. Feedback: jaz@mb.com.ph