DEAR CHICO AND DELAMAR...Regina made my high school life hell. She would constantly belittle and make fun of me in front of her friends, and once even sent an e-mail around class telling everyone that I once got caught shoplifting at a mall, which was untrue.

Growing up has not made things any easier. By some cruel twist of fate, she and I have ended up working in the same office -- thankfully, in different departments. This makes encounters few and far between, but when it does happen there is a lot of passive-aggressive insulting that goes on between the two of us.

A couple of weeks before she got diagnosed with a kidney disease, and people from the office started having themselves checked to see if their kidney is a match to hers. However, I refuse to do so. If for some reason I did donate my kidney to her, she’d probably not accept it anyway.

The problem is that we have common friends, and those same friends are badgering me to get myself tested and see if my kidney is a match. I HATE this woman, and I don’t want to put my own health at risk for a person who was behind most of the misery of my adolescent and even adult years. I’d maybe consider giving her blood, but anything beyond that is pushing it.

My friends think that I am being a horrible person, but I still refuse to do it. I don’t feel guilty about it either. Am I indeed a horrible person because of my decision? –Katy

CHICO SAYS…This is actually very simple to me: it’s your body, and NOBODY has a right to dictate what happens to it, except YOU. Take away all moral or religious ramifications, you have complete control of what happens to your own body. You decide if you want to have a tattoo, you decide if you want your hair curled, you decide if you want to have boob implants, and you definitely decide if you want to donate your kidney to someone else.

It’s absolutely ridiculous when other people dictate what another should do with what belongs to other people. You can suggest, you can entreat, but you cannot dictate, especially when it involves something as major as a vital internal organ! If they feel so strongly about it, then let them donate their own! It’s like this pet peeve of mine, when people say, “if I had that much money, I’d donate blah blah to this charity and that!” I can’t help but feel like the only reason they get to say that from atop their high horse, is precisely because they DON’T have that kind of money. It’s so much easier to be generous and charitable in the realm of theory. But give them that amount of money, let’s see just how many among those who talk the talk will walk the walk.

In my opinion, how you feel about this woman, whether you love her or hate her, is not as significant as to people telling you that you are duty-bound to see if you can be a kidney donor to somebody else.

Tell me, how many of your common friends, should they be found a perfect match, are willing to actually donate one of their kidneys? I can’t stand this hypocritical self-righteousness that some people display that makes them feel superior to other people. If you’re willing to donate a vital organ to a fellow human being, then good on you, you deserve praise of the highest order. But this does not give you a right to look down on those unwilling to do the same. It’s like those people who give to charity then spend the rest of their time disparaging those who won’t do the same.

I may be wrong, but there’s just something so wrong with that.

I say, do what feels right to you, beseech others to do the same in case they just need a little push or a little inspiration, then let each one be guided accordingly by their own consciences, their own inclinations, and their own capabilities to do what is right by their own judgment. Don’t let people bully you into doing something with your kidneys that you’re not comfortable with.

True, it would make for a nice inspirational story, where a former tormentor got her life saved by the woman she used to bully, but you shouldn’t let yourself be pressured to be the unwilling heroine in this future Hallmark movie.

Heroism is a profoundly beautiful thing. But not being a hero doesn’t automatically make you a villain. Do it if it feels right to you, don’t if it doesn’t. Like I said, it’s your kidney, and you reserve the right to decide what to do with it. And don’t let other people tell you otherwise.

DELAMAR SAYS…Don’t let other people dictate what you should do. Donating a kidney is no small thing. You will have to make changes in your lifestyle. Seriously. Just google it to find out. As such, you shouldn’t do it lightly and certainly NOT because of peer pressure.

Of course, donating your kidney is certainly a gesture of kindness, I won’t disregard that. Still, who you want to give your kidney to is a serious matter and definitely you should listen to what your well, heart is telling you. This, after all is your organ to give away so you have the option of who you want to get it.
Besides, you cannot reverse the procedure so do it only if you want to and only if you are whole-hearted about the matter.

The truth is, she hasn’t been kind to you. Should she then have a claim on your kidney? I don’t think so, not if you’re not convinced it’s a sacrifice you want to make for someone who you feel doesn’t deserve it. Even if she was kind to you a kidney donation is not automatically incumbent on your part. Even if you were donating to your own flesh and blood you would need to know if you are willing to take on such a huge imposition. Just tell them this is not something you want to do and they should respect that.

I understand if she were a family member, or a good friend but if she’s neither of those two then don’t do it. You are not a horrible person. You’re just not going to make a sacrifice of that magnitude for her. What happens if someone closer to you in the future, heaven forbid, needed that kidney? I’m sure you’d rather give your kidney to them.

This is no small matter. If you don’t want to do it, well you have your reasons. If people don’t understand that then that is their problem. This is not like borrowing a car or money. This involves risking your own health from the extraction of the organ for which you have to undergo major surgery to the switch in lifestyle post-operation so if you don’t want to do it, DON’T. This entails a major change in your life and in your bodily functions.

If you feel pressed for a good reason for not doing it, not that you need to, then say this is not something you are prepared to do. Tell them that if it were a family member it would be a different consideration but if it’s someone not so close to you then you don’t feel right about doing it. Stand by how you feel in your heart is the right decision. Rightly or wrongly, this is a choice for you to make. And the consequence of which, is only yours to bear so others cannot make this decision for you.

We all must decide for ourselves and that is what you are doing whether you donate your kidney or not. So, go with your gut (no pun intended). Organ donation falls under the category of those big things in life that only we can decide for ourselves like to whom you should get married, what career you want to devote your life to, having children, etc. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about a decision you think is good for you.

(Chico and Delle welcome your letters. Write to: youth@mb.com.ph or fax through 527-7511. Listen to the Dynamic Duo Monday to Saturday, 6 a.m. to 9 a.m. over Monster Radio RX 93.1)