DEAR CHICO AND DELAMAR...I’m the oldest of four children. My mom died several months ago, and with my dad working abroad, I’ve had to take on so many responsibilities that I never had to deal with before. Sometimes, the stress gets to be so much and I just want to give up.

I turned to the church for support, and our local priest was especially supportive of me. He built me up and made me feel like life still had so much to offer. From there, things quickly progressed and we became more than just friends, if you know what I mean.

Things went well, but then he got transferred to another parish and I became more and more involved with my responsibilities with my family. When I tried to contact him again, but he did not take my calls or answer my texts. When he finally did take my calls, he said that he just needed some space before he could leave the priesthood and we could be together again.

Imagine my disappointment when a cousin who is in the same seminary as him told me that this very same priest was seeing another woman. I felt betrayed. I’ve considered telling my story to his superiors, but I also feel indebted to him for helping me through a hard time in my life. What should I do? -Greta

CHICO SAYS…Seeing a priest is no different from dating a married guy. Both would be getting into a relationship with men who’ve made serious commitments to someone/something else. The only difference being, a married guy has sworn to be faithful to one woman, while the other has sworn fidelity to the Catholic church.

Even if you’re not Catholic, you need to understand that this guy has sworn a vow of chastity (whether you agree with that or not isn’t essential). The fact is, this guy is breaking the rules of an organization he freely became part of, and willingly swore to follow the rules of, and proceeded to break these very same rules.

I have no argument with men who want to be in relationships with women, this is normal. What I do have an issue with are men who swear to do one thing, then willingly do the opposite, whether it’s a guy who cheats on his wife or a priest who cheats on his church. It only shows weakness of character on his part. If he disagreed with the vow of chastity aspect of the priesthood, or if he simply wanted to partake of human sexuality, then he simply shouldn’t have joined the priesthood in the first place. To become a priest is something you do of your own free will. No one is forced to become a priest. But if you do want to become one, you HAVE to follow the rules that govern the organization.

It doesn’t even have to be a church! If you join ANY organization, you are expected to abide by the specific set of rules of the individual group you have chosen.

So it shouldn’t come as any surprise if the guy who swore to celibacy, but indulged in a relationship with you, turns out to be having relations with other women as well. If he really wanted to be with women, then he should have left the priesthood BEFORE he engaged in relationships with them. How can he stand there preaching to his flock when he couldn’t even follow the simplest rules of his own church? Either that or become a pastor of churches that allow ministers to be married.

Even if you take out the religious aspect of the matter, I’m not sure you’d want anything to do with a man who’s word is worth squat.

And about exposing him to his superiors? That’s your call.

Personally, I just find it in very bad taste. You were fine with being in a relationship with a priest when the woman concerned was you, but suddenly you tell on him once you find out he was wooing another woman? It’s like a thief ratting on another thief.

If you were exposing him because you felt he was a wrongdoer, then by all means go. But if you’re only doing it as a girlfriend scorned, you still can, it just leaves a bad taste in the mouth.

Don’t get me wrong, I think this guy should be exposed, the priesthood doesn’t need any more men like him, it has enough trouble policing its ranks as it is. It just feels weird coming from his scorned “ex-girlfriend”.

If ever, do it so that he doesn’t victimize other women in the future. As for helping you out during your time of need, I may be wrong, but I wouldn’t put it past him if he preyed on vulnerable women as a modus operandi.

If your account of him is accurate, this guy could be an emotional predator who hunts for troubled women, hooks them by appearing as their emotional and spiritual adviser, then goes in for the kill.

But all that said, of course it’s your right to do whatever you feel is the right thing to do.

DELAMAR SAYS… If a priest gets romantically involved with one particular parishioner, you could argue that it was an isolated case. Maybe that proves that it is indeed true love or it was the one last thing he has to go through to be even more sure of his decision of being (and staying) a priest.

But if you hear that it is not an isolated case and that he keeps doing it, against his vows, then you have all the right to report him to his superiors.

To be sure, if you weren’t the girl he was involved with and you were just a mere witness to what’s happening, you would be obliged, as a good Catholic, to report his behavior with his parishioners.

In my opinion, someone has to tell his superiors about what he’s been doing.

I don’t see a problem that it is you who would be blowing the whistle. Yes, people will say “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” But put that aside and I think it still needs to be brought up that this priest is actively getting involved with women in his parish! In these cases, it is only the women involved who are in the best position to say what needs to be said.

Before you tell his superiors though, I advise you to check and verify what you heard from your cousin.

If you find some evidence that it is indeed true and if you have concrete evidence of his affection towards you, then go and have a talk with the powers that be. Make sure that you tell all the parts of the story as what you have shared in the letter. Yes, acknowledge too that you are hurt and feel betrayed by this man and that no doubt there is some tinge of “revenge” on your part for doing this. But be sure to tell them too that if things didn’t work out between you two, you would have just nursed your broken heart and charged everything to experience.

However, knowing that there is another woman now in his life makes the situation more serious because he seems to be doing this with impunity and that is not fitting the behavior of a priest.

Do not feel guilty about the help he gave you when you needed it. That is part of his calling as a priest.

What is not part of that calling is falling in love with you. What’s more, he is not supposed to be falling in love with other parishioners. If he does fall in love, then he needs to set things right and remove himself from the priesthood so he can pursue whatever kind of life he wants. I think it will serve him, whoever he is truly in love with, and the Church as well, if he will come out in the open.

(Chico and Delle welcome your letters. Write to: youth@mb.com.ph or fax through 527-7511. Listen to the Dynamic Duo Monday to Saturday, 6 a.m. to 9 a.m. over Monster Radio RX 93.1)