DEAR CHICO AND DELAMAR... I have a boyfriend who you could say was less than ideal. He is very possessive and jealous, and even hacked my e-mail to read my correspondences.

That was how he found out about my relationship with a married man -- one who is still a good friend of mine -- a few years back.

I’ve tried to stop things with this possessive boyfriend, but he constantly threatens to expose these incriminating e-mails to my friend’s wife. I personally am not afraid of the consequences – I know that it was wrong of me to have been in that relationship -- but I worry my friend’s family life and how it will affect his young son. So even if I want more than anything to get out of this relationship, I find myself succumbing to my boyfriend’s wishes.

How do I get rid of him and get my life back? – Irene

CHICO SAYS… Sad to say, the only two choices that seem available to you at this time is to stay with your possessive boyfriend to protect your ex, or leave your boyfriend and let the sh*t hit the fan, no matter the consequences.

But you might also want to look inward and find your complicity in all this. You’re not exactly innocent in matters of the heart.

You will willingly get into an affair with a married man (with a kid) and yet profess in the same breath that you don’t want to hurt his son.

Doesn’t the concern come a little too late?

Surely you must see, pardon my choice of word because I can’t dilute the point by opting for a weaker version, the hypocrisy in this. If you truly didn’t want to hurt this boy, then you wouldn’t have had an affair with his father. What you actually mean, is not that you don’t want to hurt the boy, but that you don’t want anyone to know you hurt the boy. The harm has already been inflicted, the only concern left is the exposure of the said harm.

But if you claim that you can man up to the consequences of your actions, then good for you. As for who gets run over in the exposure’s wake, then they will have to be filed under collateral damage. Your ex will have to own up to his part in the affair and face his wife and his son. And as far as your current boyfriend is concerned, you also need to understand that stuff like this affair feeds this jealous nature of his. Of course, this does not justify frightening habits like hacking your account, but it helps you understand why you get into situations such as this. In the end, you just need to choose between self-preservation or staying for the sake of your ex’s family.

My guess is, you’ll stay for as long as you can take it. But once the heat gets too much, you’ll bail at the first chance you get, no matter the cost. I hope you don’t mind my forward response; it’s not a judgment, but it’s the best way I can put into words my call on the situation.

It’s not a sermon, it’s merely what I see from where I’m standing. I hope you find the decision that’s best for everyone concerned.

DELAMAR SAYS… My advice is: BITE THE BULLET.

I don’t think you should give power to this boyfriend who is forcing you to do something you don’t want to do.

Forcing someone to stay in a relationship with you knowing they don’t want to is for me one of those things that show the uttermost selfishness of a human being. There are other crimes more heinous, I know. But this act shows that you don’t care about anyone else except what you can get out of something and that you choose to disregard someone else’s feelings totally. And that is even someone you love! Can you imagine what this person can do to someone he doesn’t care about?

In personal relationships it’s all about wanting to be with someone and someone wanting to be with you.

That’s as simple as it gets. Now to force someone into something that they should willingly get into is just beyond what love is. In my opinion, bite the bullet and do not give in to this dictator. He should have no power over you, most of all this kind of human being.

As for the consequences of letting it all hang out in case your boyfriend really does expose the past affair, well if you are ready to accept them then you should break up with him.

Never mind what happens. But give the married guy a heads up on it. Tell him what’s happened but do what you need to do.

Get away from this guy. The longer you stay in the relationship the more I think he will do what he wants regardless of how badly it affect you.

He has already invaded your privacy by reading letters that have nothing to do with him. And now he is willing to use these letters to make you stay and if not to then he would rather see you go through the fire just because he couldn’t get what he wanted. Can you imagine what else he can do?

Given more time and more details of your life, what else is he capable of doing just to get what he wants? In my opinion, you should cut his access to you as soon as possible.

Listen, you have made a mistake in your past getting involved with someone who was already married.

And you got out of it. Don’t throw your future away by staying with a man you already know is not of good character.

This time you can choose to do what is best for you.

Yes, I understand there is another person who will get affected not just you. But if you stay with your boyfriend you will be the only one paying for an indiscretion in the past. And you throw away your future. What if he forces you to marry him? Actually, even just forcing you now to stay with him is the strongest argument against staying with him.

Before you do anything, change your passwords. Make sure he cannot use anything against you anymore than the mail he already has.

If there is a way you can erase these e-mails from where he has stored them, do it. Erase any incriminating pictures you might have with him in his phone if there is a way. Just protect yourself from any further harm.

Then tell the married guy what you plan to do and how it can affect him.

Give him time to tell his wife about it so that they can deal with it without any outside parties getting involved.

Just make sure you give him enough time to settle that with his wife, no more no less.

After that then do what you have to do and sever all ties with your boyfriend.

The way I see it, you might be gambling your future if you stay with this. Face the consequences of your action and you wrote in the letter you are prepared to face it. Then do it. Even facing the reaction of the married guy about your decision IS facing the consequences.

Do what is right for you. Give allowances so the married guy can act accordingly as well but in the end do what is right for you. This is your life. This is you being forced to stay with a man. This is you being imposed on. So do what is right for you. In the end, you have to take care of yourself and your future.

(Chico and Delle welcome your letters. Write to: youth@mb.com.ph or fax through 527-7511. Listen to the Dynamic Duo Monday to Saturday, 6 a.m. to 9 a.m. over Monster Radio RX 93.1)