DEAR CHICO AND DELAMAR...I graduated with an Education degree a few years ago and luckily passed the licensure exams. I am now teaching college English while pursuing my master’s degree. So far teaching has been a joy. I’ve met so many bright minds among my students.

One of them has become particularly close to me. Although he is no longer a student of mine, we have kept our communication lines open and have even gone out and watched a few movies together. I think I may even grow to love him.

The problem is that while he is no longer a student of mine, he is still very much in college. Our age difference – he is 18 and I am 25 – isn’t really what I’m worried about, it’s what people will think when they learn that the two of us are dating. They might say that dating me gives him unfair advantage, while my credibility as a teacher may be tarnished if word of this ever comes out.

I love teaching, but I also think I am falling in love with him. We have not talked about our feelings yet, but I feel like that time is right around the corner. What should I do? What should I tell him? Should I give up a future love for the sake of my career? – Crysta

CHICO SAYS…There are only two actual concerns when dealing with situations like yours. First, is he a minor? Being 18, although he is at the youngest any person of age can be, he is nevertheless officially, at least in the eyes of the law, an adult, fully capable of making his own decisions without the supervision of an another adult. Yes, many would frown on a much older woman getting into a relationship with an 18-year-old man, but as long as the law says it’s fine, then you shouldn’t lose too much sleep about it.

The second concern is – is he still your student? Even if he is of age, getting into a relationship with your student is always unethical, putting into question your position to grade him without any personal bias. Since he is no longer your student, that also puts you in the clear.

So if legally you have no problem, what’s stopping you?

Well, there is the small matter of public opinion. For many people, especially his parents, 18 is pretty much still a child. Although in many cultures, 18 is as good an age as any to marry and raise a family, our Pinoy culture is still a little bit more conservative.

And true, being his former teacher does paint you a bit in the light of being the older seductress, preying on a young, impressionable and testosterone-infused lad who is helpless in the web of your womanly wiles.

Like I said, you have nothing to worry about legally; it’s not like they can send you to jail or anything. It’s more of how much you can stand the intrigues that will surely be thrown your way.

Personally, I see two choices.

First, being the more experienced one, go ahead and profess what you feel and finally see if he feels the same way. True, it will seem rather predatory of you, but if the rules of society don’t hold sway over you, then all that talk will mean nothing to thickened skin.

Second, is the more passive approach, which is to wait until he makes the first move. This way, it was he who wooed you and not the other way around. And besides, if he really had feelings for you, then he’d have no problems making the first move, especially if it would entail taking off some social heat off of you. Somehow, if he showed more resolve in pursuing you, it might dissipate any apprehensions about him being victimized by some more experienced-at-the-game wantonly elder woman.

But age difference and teacher-student complications aside, don’t you want to cool your heels a bit? Not to belittle young love, sweet love, but at 18, most people are still experiencing love and lust through raging hormones-colored glasses. Just know that he has still a lot of time to  figure out what he wants in life, including love, just so you know what you’re risking your career for.

He’s got time to ripen, and so do you being a still very young 25, so maybe getting serious is not necessarily the only way to go. Why don’t you just spend the next few months getting to know each other better?

Go watch movies, have dinner, play Farmville, talk, laugh, and do fun things together without necessarily complicating things by making anything official at this point. Just try to discover each other on a deeper everyday level, so you are both in a position to decide if whatever this is, is worth all the gossip and aggravation. And once you’re both sure, then it’s easier to jointly withstand the social storms.

But for now, I suggest to take things slow, and enjoy the wonderfully fertile getting-to-know-you stage. It’s more fun that you think. Don’t count his chickens before they hatch. Sit on his eggs first.

DELAMAR SAYS… I think you shouldn’t decide what to do until you guys have talked about what it really is between you. You have to know what it is exactly you’re sacrificing your career for and until you know don’t make any kind of move. Wait for the talk and don’t anticipate it too much. Don’t jump the gun and don’t count your eggs before they hatch. Cross the bridge when you get there.

Enough with the clichés…I think you catch my drift, right?

So, first things first, know what you really have with this guy. And if the feeling is mutual and you guys want to go forward, then go from there. But make sure that there will be a relationship to begin with before you go to all the other considerations of your situation.

I hope you truly understand that sacrificing your career for this relationship or budding relationship does not guarantee that it will work out in the long run. You have to recognize that there is a real risk going into this. You could lose a potential lifelong career for something that might not work out in the end. That is the worst-case scenario. That might not happen but it is a possibility and if you can live with that then you are closer to getting to what you really want and what you will do for it.

More to the point though, you ARE raising some ethical questions because although you are not his teacher anymore you are still part of the faculty and there will be repercussions for you and for him as well. Your past decisions regarding his performance in class will be questioned. He will also be constantly hounded by accusations that he passed and is passing his subjects because of his special connections, true or not. In other words, your relationship will probably start crazy with so much talk around it.

Although you say that the talk doesn’t bother you, they do impact what happens to your career. This is a career you know is something you want to do for the rest of your life. This relationship is a huge risk but you don’t know if this is “it” for you or not. There are no guarantees. So make sure you are really willing to sacrifice a career for a love that might or might not work.

Ultimately, if I were in your shoes, I would do one of two things.

You could wait. Wait until he is done with his studies before getting into a relationship.

It is just easier on you both and your standing in the school, for you as a teacher and him as the student. At least every thing is on the up and up.

he other option is: if you find out you both don’t want to wait, then I recommend one of you move schools so there will be no more problems if you want to pursue a romantic relationship. If you don’t want the hassle I think that is the wiser and more practical option.

You wouldn’t need to sacrifice anything and you can still take up a relationship with each other and find out if this is “the one” for you. Good luck and hope things turn out okay for you both.

(Chico and Delle welcome your letters. Write to: youth@mb.com.ph or fax through 527-7511. Listen to the Dynamic Duo Monday to Saturday, 6 a.m. to 9 a.m. over Monster Radio RX 93.1)