DEAR CHICO AND DELAMAR...Fred and Leah have always been the Brangelina of our little group of friends. They’ve been together forever, and we always look to them as a model for what a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship should be. However, I just recently found out that this is not the case.

A month ago, Fred asked me to “provide him with an alibi”. He asked me to tell Leah, in case she asks, that the two of us went on a road trip to Tagaytay together.

I refused to do so, but he said that he already told Leah about this, so I didn’t really have a choice in the matter.

It turns out that Fred was meeting up with an ex-girlfriend that he reconnected with on Facebook. I already told him that this affair should end and that he should tell Leah, but he always rebuffs my advice. Should I tell Leah about this? I know I would have wanted someone to tell me if my girlfriend was cheating on me with another man. - Thomas

CHICO SAYS... I don’t know the dynamics of your little barkada. There are little nuances within specific barkadas, such as who’s loyalty lies with whom.

If you’re closer to Fred, then it’s perfectly understandable if you’d delay sounding off the infidelity alarms, to give him more time to rectify the situation, or more time to get caught, whichever comes first.

If you’re closer to Leah, it would also be understandable to be the whistle-blower since you can always invoke your friendship with her as your defense. It’s perfectly acceptable to have your friend’s back, even if the perpetrator is also a friend.

Again, as with most judgment calls, I don’t believe that there is a right and wrong decision. Like I said, you can side a little bit more with one friend, more than the other, based on who you’re closer to.

That said, all I can share is what I would do if I were in your shoes. Granting that I am equally close to both friends, I will go for the middle ground. I wouldn’t go out of my way just yet to inform Leah about Fred’s escapade, but if asked, I wouldn’t lie for him either.

So if Leah asks me about the supposed trip, I would tell her the truth. But that said, this set-up will not go on indefinitely.

I would tell Fred that as his friend, I will give him time to fix what needs mending, but that as Leah’s friend, he gives me no choice but to eventually tell her everything I know, even if I end up as the bad guy to both friends. I will ask him to understand that I couldn’t stand aside as he lies to my friend, and opening her up not only to heartbreak but to disease as well.

I’m sure it won’t endear me to either party, but when one friend is hurting another, all things being equal, I have no choice but to come to the aid of the one being hurt.

Plus, I would tell Fred that him bringing me into their mess, gives me no choice but to clear my name because I refuse to be accomplice to a crime I had no hand in. Bad enough that he used my name to cover his misdeed, but to expect me to lie to a good friend to save his ass? I don’t think so. Karma’s a bitch so I’d rather not mess with her. It’s a thankless position that Fred has put you in. By using your name as a smokescreen, he has inadvertently sucked you into their vortex of “marital” woes.

Usually it’s best to stay away from other couples’ relationship wars, but unfortunately you’ve just been recruited as a human shield. I just hope you don’t become victim to friendly fire.

DELAMAR SAYS...Be careful. Usually the ones who blow the whistle end up the bad guy when the girl forgives the guy in the end. And that is usually what happens. If they do, the one who squealed end up being the enemy to the couple so be careful what you do with what you know.

Look, you don’t know for a fact that he is having an affair. Unless he admitted to you as much, you don’t really know that.

What you do know is that he lied to your friend, his girlfriend, about being on a road trip with you when the truth was he met up with an ex. You know they met up but you don’t really know that they have hooked up and are indeed having an affair. So, make sure you know what is fact that you can testify to and when it is something that you assumed because of the circumstances.

That being said, the most that you can tell your friend is that her boyfriend wasn’t with you when he said he was. That’s the extent of what you can say to her because that’s all that you know. It’s enough to give her a scent to follow and let her do her own investigating.

My approach on the matter is to tell the guy that you won’t be a part of his lies, that you don’t want to be his alibi. Warn him that this is non-negotiable. I mean, don’t start a fight but be clear and firm that you won’t participate in the lies.

Tell him that you don’t want to be his false alibi and you won’t lie for him either to his girlfriend. Be firm but calm when you tell him so that he sees it’s not about if you are angry with him or not. You have to show that it is the lying that you don’t want any part of.

Now, should he still use you as an excuse then if…AND ONLY IF…you are asked should you tell the girlfriend that he wasn’t with you. Don’t tell her what you don’t know anything about. So, no to telling her he is meeting up with whomever if you don’t know that for a fact. Just tell her what you know and if that means having to tell her that no you weren’t with her boyfriend the time he says he was then just say no he wasn’t. Let her connect the dots and ask why is he lying? And what is he lying about exactly? If you are close friends I would say tell her. But if you are not so close and just hang out together, I wouldn’t.

Just stay out of it but don’t be a part of the deceit. Don’t be a tattletale either. Just tell the truth of what you know for a fact should you be in a position to say so or if you are asked. Stay away from hearsay and assumptions that will make things worse and you might be creating needless trouble.

This is a problem between a boyfriend and a girlfriend. That’s it. The only way you are involved is if your name is being used against your will. If it is being used then you can set the record straight. If not, my advice is to let the couple deal with their problem. Too often the one who squeals end up being the bad guy even if he is right.

So, be careful about being too involved.

I know it’s not right what the boyfriend’s doing but that’s the tricky part here: you can see it but it has nothing to do with you. Your role here is limited. These are treacherous waters maneuver through it carefully.

(Chico and Delle welcome your letters. Write to: youth@mb.com.ph or fax through 527-7511. Listen to the Dynamic Duo Monday to Saturday, 6 a.m. to 9 a.m. over Monster Radio RX 93.1)