DEAR CHICO AND DELAMAR...I just finished my internship at a big company that I hope to work in someday, and professionally I feel like it’s been a good experience for me. Most of the feedback I’ve received about my work has been positive, and I feel like I’ve actually learned more about the field that I want to be a part of.

If I do have some misgivings it has been about how I was treated during the whole two months that I was there. I really felt as if nobody there actually thought of me as an actual person. People would hardly take notice of me, unless it was to give me orders. Any attempts I made at casual conversation over lunch would constantly be rebuffed. While they never made me do any clerical work like I feared they would, they did not exactly go out of the way to make me feel welcome.

As part of the internship guidelines at my school, we are asked to talk about our experience at the offices where we had our internship. While I plan to talk about all the things I learned, I also plan to discuss how I feel I was unfairly treated. My classmates say that I should be thankful that I actually learned something during my internship and did not just photocopy stuff like they did.

Should I speak up and perhaps jeopardize a future with this company, or should I just shut up and be thankful that I did not become a glorified water girl during the summer? – Joanna

CHICO SAYS...In any situation, there are at least two sides. From your point of view, you were treated, in your own words, “like you weren’t an actual person”.

In a court of law, this would be hard to prove, especially since to me at least, it reeks a little bit of drama. Did they not allow you to eat or drink? Did they physically hurt you? Did they put a yoke on you and let you pull a cartload of hay? To me this is inhuman treatment. So to say that they all treated you like you weren’t human is a bit hysterical on your part.

Maybe what you meant was they weren’t warm or friendly. Or they didn’t make you feel at home. Maybe to you we’re talking about the same thing, but we definitely worded it differently.

So when you say you want to write about “how UNFAIRLY they treated you”, maybe what you meant was you want to write about “HOW they treated you”, period. You assume that they treated you unfairly.

Did you ever entertain the thought that maybe it could be you?

Many unpopular people are mystified at why people don’t like them when in fact they do so many things that push people away. They often feel unfairly ostracized without knowing that the sources of friction are themselves. Did you ever consider the possibility, however unthinkable it may be to you now, that you rub people the wrong way?

You may not do it on purpose, but intention was never the barometer when it comes to first impressions. I’m not saying that it’s you, I’m just saying it’s a possibility.

Second, maybe people are just too busy to fraternize in the way you expect them to. Some workers are just way too toxic to bother with niceties because they’re too harassed getting the job done. So maybe they don’t talk to you unless they’re asking you to do something, because that’s what you’re there for -- to work and do things for them, not to sit and chat.

Third, maybe that is how the environment is in the office. Some offices have light cheery dispositions, while some have dour serious atmospheres. One is not necessarily superior to the other, maybe it’s just the nature of the job. For instance, Pixar would surely have a more fun vibe than say, a hospital E.R.

Fourth, maybe you ARE being too sensitive.

In many offices, you really start at the bottom. You’re not treated as an equal until you’ve earned their respect. And remember, they DON’T HAVE to give you an internship. This is a favor to you. So don’t go in there thinking you’ll be treated like family.

Many new hires get culture shocked when they’re treated like plebes in a frat. In some companies, you’re pushed and prodded and tested until they see what you’re made of. If you flinch at the first sign of “unfriendliness”, then you might not be as well-equipped to join the workforce as you think.

I took my internship in a major TV channel.

There, they would scream at anyone, employee or intern, if you ever got in the way of production. If you walked in front of a camera or failed to deliver a task, you’ll get a public dressing down, replete with expletives (both Tagalog and English), and possibly thrown out of the studio. It’s nothing personal, but they just couldn’t afford to have people there, walking around like zombies, who have no idea what they’re doing.

So “treated unfairly” is a dangerous term. It’s broad and it’s subjective. You can say, “somebody groped me” or “someone threw a paperweight at me”, but you cannot just level, “they treated me unfairly” without supporting it with facts.

I don’t doubt that they made you feel unwelcome, I’m just not sure if that’s their fault or yours. So my advice, if you really feel strongly about it, go ahead and write about what happened. Don’t editorialize, just give the facts. So instead of saying, “they treated me like I wasn’t human”, just say, “people hardly talked to me outside of official work”. It’s one thing to describe what happened, it’s another to color your version with your personal emotions. It’s the like difference between journalism and creative writing.

DELAMAR SAYS…My advice is: play it smart. Take the advice of your classmates and think of the long-term effects of each decision whether you say what you want to say and never get a job in the same company OR think of the long-term consequence of keeping your thoughts to yourself…FOR NOW.

If you write all about how you were treated unfairly by the people in the company then you will have your chance to say what you feel and unload all of what you want to say against the people there.

Yes, it gives you a chance to vent. And if venting is most important to you more than your future in the company then that is an option you can take. But make no mistake that yes, every thing you have to say against the company MIGHT bite you back in the end and jeopardize your future employment with them.

Just for the record, what happened to you is not a special case. That is actually how most interns are treated. I’m not saying it is right but I am saying that that is the general rule more than the exception. Don’t take it too personal. It’s like a paying of dues, an initiation into the workforce. Much like how neophytes/trainees are treated when you want to join an organization. Remember how it was to join an org in college? Hell week? Life as an applicant?

Even I had to go through something like that as an employee when I was on probation for six months. I was already hired but not regularized yet. Hardly anybody talked to me. I felt all alone and unsure in a big new world that was so alien to me. Nobody was friendly at all. I didn’t even know where to buy lunch! I was not included in casual conversations not because they hated me or I wasn’t important to them but these companies deal with interns by the busload every year. They come in and they are shipped out. Sometimes they don’t want to invest a relationship with people who they might not see again anyhow.

Or if not that, in the pecking order you need to know your place. And in the corporate world that is a much-needed tool to keep a hierarchy in the corporate ladder. It sounds mean but that is how one’s worth is determined in the professional world. If you can take all the challenges thrown at you professionally and personally and you end up standing at the end of it, you somehow tell the company I’m strong and I can take everything you have to throw my way and THAT’S WHY YOU JUST HAVE TO HIRE ME. It’s a way of separating the strong from the weak, the grain from the chaff.

Companies look for employees who are not easily disheartened and who can take challenges head on. If you think those few months are hard wait till you are actually hired and a lot of real stuff is on the line. They have to know you have the mettle of a dependable, strong-willed, and resilient employee.

The good news is: play your cards right and it just gets better socially for you.

If I were you, and I do speak just from my own experience, play it smart. Toughen up because you will need that when you go out there into the real world. Short of being sexually harassed or your basic human rights being violated, I say let it slide and get back into the company and make them regret not being nicer to you not by getting even but by showing them you are a damn good employee. Don’t be too easily disheartened or slighted. That will be your handicap if you choose to be that way wherever you go in life. In Tagalog ‘ikaw lang ang talo’.

Be ready to earn their respect through the work you will do little by little, day by day. Be ready to win them over little by little everyday when you are finally in. This is not about kowtowing to anyone. This is not about being a coward. This is about being resilient come what may. This will build your character and in the end, in my humble opinion, it teaches you humility and persistence. If you learn that early on, you only have to benefit from it. You might not win the battle (the internship) but you will win the war (a possible career). So, TOUGHEN UP, NEWBIE and FORGE ON! Good luck.

(Chico and Delle welcome your letters. Write to: youth@mb.com.ph or fax through 527-7511. Listen to the Dynamic Duo Monday to Saturday, 6 a.m. to 9 a.m. over Monster Radio RX 93.1)