DEAR CHICO AND DELAMAR... I’m in my late 20’s and I’ve been dating a guy for the past year or so. He’s smart, talented, funny, and sexy, and he’s very serious about me. So serious, in fact, that we have even discussed marriage.

What’s the problem then? This is my first relationship, and I feel like things are getting a little too intense for my own liking. I feel like I’m in a great relationship right now, but there is always the thought at the back of my mind that I can’t possibly know what a great relationship is since I haven’t had anything to compare it with. And on the flip side of that, whenever we have a disagreement, it always gets blown up in my mind, and I start thinking that a good relationship wouldn’t have these problems.

Do you guys think it would be a mistake to decide that my boyfriend is “the one” without checking out any other ones? Or am I just being stupid and unnecessarily choosy? –Penelope

CHICO SAYS…If you’re still in doubt, don’t. Don’t commit to a marriage just yet, because you’re still finding your sea legs in this relationship. It doesn’t mean this guy is “the one”, or NOT “the one”, it only means you need further investigation before you arrive at a definite conclusion.

This being your first relationship will obviously breed curiosity as to how a life with others might be.

It’s normal; it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re unhappy where you are, it’s merely a natural progression to wonder what else is out there, especially in the midst of all the talk regarding settling down.

Of course before you put all your eggs in his basket, you’d like to explore other baskets as well. But for me, speaking from experience, you just need to be convinced that this basket is the one you’ve chosen, and it’s your choice regardless of what else is out there. If you’re happy with this guy, even if you meet countless princes charming out there (and there will be many), you’d be good with what you have. Remember, no matter how handsome or sexy or rich or kind or loving or well-endowed a guy is, you will constantly find many others who are more handsome, sexier, richer, kinder, more loving, and with more equine-like proportions in varying degrees and combinations.

So to even attempt to locate an ultimate in every aspect is an exercise in futility. I know it’s a grammatical inconsistency, but just to push the point, even if you find a perfect man, you’re sure to find someone else perfect-er than perfect.

So will you find better specimens for mate candidates? For sure. The trick is to find someone who already satisfies all your requirements, someone you’re already happy with, regardless of the parade of male perfection and upstanding character you will surely find down the road.

Ask any happily married wife and she’ll tell you that her husband is the most handsome man in the world, even if he looks like a blob of a slob with a mean plumber’s crack glaring at you from his ill-fitting low-rise skinny jeans.

Does your boyfriend fit the bill? Maybe it’s too early to tell. Some people never figure things out until it’s too late and the marriage contracts signed. Hopefully, you figure things out before you take the big leap. Unfortunately, no one can make this call but you.

Remember, marriage is a leap of faith. Key word: FAITH. And faith’s arch-enemy: DOUBT. So if you have doubt in your heart, keep the finger off the trigger. You’ll know when it’s time to shoot for the moon.

DELAMAR SAYS...Getting to the point of knowing if you are ready to get married is a road as unique as the person on it. Different people get married for different reasons. They marry with different expectations from themselves and their partners. People have their own set of requirements to tie the knot.

So really there is no easy way to answer your question. You have what seems to you a great relationship. But you feel the need to know what is out there exactly to know if this relationship is a good one. The catch is: you will have to risk this relationship to know if this is really it for you.

Here’s what I think: only you need to be convinced that this is the person for you and that you are ready to say “I do”. Meaning that as long as you have these doubts, you aren’t ready. Is he the one? Is this the great relationship that everyone gets married for? These are your questions. And for as long as they are there in your mind swirling away into a whirlwind of doubt, then you aren’t ready to tie the knot just yet.

You have posed the question in your mind, “Is this it?” The answer will come to you but not without rocking the boat that you find yourself in. Finding out what’s out there threatens what you have right now. It might be true that this really is IT for you. It might also be true that it just ISN’T. It’s the finding out that is hard because the truth is these things reveal themselves as our life happens, as it unfolds.

You will know the answer as both of you try this life together first as boyfriend-girlfriend. You will see how you handle problems, fights, and challenges as a couple and that’s really where the answer will come from. It is just your first year together so there are plenty of things that can still happen.

Even boredom can be an issue that a couple needs to handle. So, don’t get pressured into knowing right now if you are ready to get married to this man or not. I think more than anything in your situation it is the time pressure that makes the whole finding-out-if-this-is-the-one-for- you very difficult.

Because you are in your late 20’s you feel that an answer should be clear to you now. Well, it isn’t. You started with relationships late. So, you will need more time to get to a decision. I think you are also getting pressured to be ready because your boyfriend is such a great guy and he is serious about you.

Of course, that is more than great. But you also have to understand that great or not, you being ready has everything to do with YOU BEING READY and nobody else. So don’t be afraid of your questions, they are there for a good reason. They are the way you get to find out if you really are ready to be someone’s Mrs.’ Or, not. Either way, asking them is a way to discovering answers.

Forget about knowing the answers to your question right now. The important thing is you are asking them with eyes wide open for the possible answer. He hasn’t proposed marriage so it’s not like he is waiting for the answer now. Just live your life, keep talking with your boyfriend about things so you will see if he is a perfect fit and see how life with him feels. If it feels right, you will know your answer.

Relax and just enjoy being in the relationship. Don’t put too much pressure on it or on yourself. If this is not for you that too will be revealed. Just trust the process and you will have your answer soon.

(Chico and Delle welcome your letters. Write to: youth@mb.com.ph or fax through 527-7511. Listen to the Dynamic Duo Monday to Saturday, 6 a.m. to 9 a.m. over Monster Radio RX 93.1)