MANILA, Philippines – DEAR CHICO AND DELAMAR...My boyfriend and I have been together for quite some time, and by now we have already been intimate quite a number of times. I like to think we have a healthy sex life – we are very experimental and try out a lot of things that people would say is...uhm...“kinky”.

A few weeks ago, I was having drinks with “Mylene”, a friend of mine, and when we got pretty drunk she started “oversharing” about her personal life, particularly about her own sexcapades. A few margaritas more and she had me going about my sex life with my boyfriend, and I felt comfortable – drunk – enough to share some of the kinky stuff that we do. Imagine my surprise when she gives me a shocked look and actually calls me “slutty” to my face. And not in a joking way either.

I thought nothing of it initially, dismissing the incident as drunken shenanigans, but a couple of days ago another friend texted me saying that Mylene was spreading some nasty rumors about me and my boyfriend’s sex life. I didn’t bother to tell her that what Mylene was spreading around wasn’t a rumor but the truth. I have stopped talking to Mylene, but I am afraid what my boyfriend will think once he hears about it. How do I break this news to him? And how do we weather the gossip circling us now? – Veronica

CHICO SAYS...Let’s use a car crash as an analogy for your situation.

If you see early enough that your car is about to crash, you might be lucky enough to have time to swerve and escape the accident. But in some cases, where it’s too late to avert disaster, the best you can do is brace yourself for impact and hope the damage isn’t massive and that it isn’t irreparable.

In your case, I’m afraid it’s more of the latter. I don’t think you can really do anything about the delicate information that’s already spreading. You made the drunken lapse in judgment in telling someone who has loose lips. Usually we know better when to share and when to shut up, especially if we know the person we’re talking to isn’t trustworthy enough to keep such intimate information.

But what’s done is done. You unfortunately told a gossip-monger, so now it’s safe to assume that your sexcapades are now urban legends in the circles you move around in. Since you can’t deny the veracity of the information, the two options you have at this point is one, to deflect the topic everytime someone brings it up and keep doing that until the novelty of the titillation fades away with time; or two, to simply own it, damn the consequences, and disarm all the whispering behind your back and just say: “Yes, I’m kinky. So effing what?”

In the end, it doesn’t really matter what everyone else thinks. The fickle morass that is public opinion will ebb and flow regardless of how hard you try to control it. Let it swing wherever it will because you have little say in it anyway. But the aspect in which you really need to do damage control is with your boyfriend. You need to come clean quick. It’s not fair to him that he has no idea that stuff that concern him are already floating around in the rumor mill.

There’s no easy way to break it to him, just sit him down and tell him everything. It’s like taking out a band-aid. Ripping it out is painful but quick. If he needs to get mad at you, let him. Take comfort in the fact that it was your mistake to trust someone who didn’t deserve it that brought you here in the first place. The hope is, after he vents, you can make a bubble around you both, to insulate yourselves from the malicious gossiping that will ensue. If you can draw strength from each other as a united whole, then you can brace yourselves while the storm rages, until it dies a natural death and you can move on with your lives.

Naughty gossip about other couples’ sex lives don’t usually merit a lifetime’s worth of ridicule. After a month or so, no one will remember or even care about your bedroom antics. Just make sure you learn the lesson from hereon. Drunk or sober, the less trash you divulge, the less you have to clean up after. What’s important is that you’re both good, you and your boyfriend. As long as you’re okay, let the rabble talk as they will.

DELAMAR SAYS...Just remember that your partner is your ally. In e-ve-ry-thing. Even when you make a mistake, make a bad judgment call, or altogether make a fool of yourself he is your ally. So being completely honest with your closest and fiercest ally is a must especially when there is trouble. He is the one who is supposed to understand you the most even when others do not and vice versa. He is the one who is supposed to be the last one left on your corner when all others have left you and vice versa. He is the one who will believe you when others don’t and vice versa. So, this is not something you should hide from him.

I know you’re afraid he might get angry but that is a natural reaction, don’t you think? How would you feel if you found out he spilled your sexcapades to his friend one drunken night? Initially, you will get angry too, I suppose. But when you calm down you’ll start to think he probably didn’t mean it. It was just a bad judgment call and that he is probably truly contrite that he did what he did. This most likely will be the thought process when you first break the news to him. Stay with it and be ready to face whatever reaction. He IS entitled to it.

After a while, hopefully not to long a time, he will see that you truly are sorry for making all this trouble because you trusted someone who wasn’t trustworthy. So, tell him. Come clean. And then put your heads together on how to handle all the aftermath of the gossip. I hope you remain a united front especially during times of trouble. This is the worst time to be on different pages. So, stay united.

As for what to do about the gossip that will go around? Do nothing. Say nothing. Smile and shrug your shoulders when you hear it. You know it’s true. You just don’t want it going around and you don’t want to confirm it. Now you know better than to trust “Mylene” about these things. Keep your bedroom secrets just that --- secrets. Unless you are ready to deal with other people knowing about it, which is probably what will happen when you tell someone else about them even if it is said in confidence.

They ARE too juicy and some people can hardly resist being the ones to spread it. It will go around and get passed around until a newer juicy gossip comes out.

For now, just hang in there for one bumpy ride. Let me wrap this up by quoting my horoscope from a few days ago. You may not be Libran but these are still wise words to live by: Most people are intrigued by gossip, until it’s about them. No matter who everyone is talking about today, stay away from the gossip mill and you keep your karma clean.

(Chico and Delle welcome your letters. Write to: youth@mb.com.ph or fax through 527-7511. Listen to the Dynamic Duo Monday to Saturday, 6 a.m. to 9 a.m. over Monster Radio RX 93.1)