Dear Chico and Delamar...
I’m in my mid-20s, with my own place, and have been living with my beloved retriever, who has been my constant companion for the past three years. I let him run around the house and he loves jumping on my lap whenever I get back from work.

Several months ago, I started going out with a great guy, and just recently I felt comfortable enough asking him to live with me. He didn’t seem to have any trouble at first, but a couple of days later, he said that he didn’t like the way my dog acted and asked me if I could have him trained. I didn’t think the dog needed any training, but I obliged him to avoid a fight.

Imagine my anger when I find out a few days later that he had been screaming at my dog and slapping my dog’s face whenever the dog did something he didn’t like -- which was basically jumping on his lap. I was angry that he was doing this because I already consented to having my dog trained and I felt he was out of line for screaming and hitting my dog.

I have asked him to move out, and our relationship is now at a standstill. I feel like I did the right thing, but my friends have been on my case, telling me that I shouldn’t have chosen to side with my dog. Have I really made a bad decision? -Jane

Chico says...
Did you make a bad decision? In my humble dog-loving opinion, you did right not just by your dog, but by yourself.

It’s not so much a matter of boyfriend versus dog. You asking your boyfriend to move out does NONOT equal you loving your dog more, but more of you respecting your boyfriend less. Obviously, in most cases wherein you need to choose between your partner or your dog, the person comes first; but in this case, it’s not the value of each versus the other, but more of one showing behavior that is undesirable.

Let’s switch it around. Let’s say your boyfriend loved your dog, but your dog constantly attacked your boyfriend which resulted in a serious bite. Obviously, the dog needs to go, or preferably needs immediate training. The same goes with your boyfriend. Either he learns to understand your relationship with your dog or it just won’t work.

You can gauge the character of a person by how he treats those which are “below” him. They say you should observe how potential partners treat household help, waiters, beggars, animals, and other living beings that to him might seem “beneath” him, whether in status or in the biological pecking order. Even if he’s super nice to you, but he’s mean to people under him on the totem pole, it’s just a matter of time before his true colors start shining through.

One doesn’t have to be an animal lover to be with an animal lover. All you need is to understand and respect the fact that for some people, dogs and cats or other companion animals are NOT just four-legged hairballs, but very much a part of family.

You don’t have to share this sentiment, you just need to respect it. It’s very much like women not understanding men’s passion for cars or sports; they don’t have to get into it, they just need to understand that these things are important to men. Women need to understand the sanctity of the NBA finals for men, same as men need to understand the gravity of a sale situation at Forever 21. So your boyfriend does not have to love your dog the same way you do.

But what he can learn is to co-exist with your four-legged friend because he understands what this dog means to you. Instead of taking things into his own hands and hurting your dog, he should have spoken with you first, maybe to explore the idea of getting a trainer to modify some undesirable traits.

I’m a big follower of dog whisperer Cesar Millan, and he always says that it’s never too late to train your dog to be a better companion animal. It’s healthier for you, and it’s healthier for him. He should have waited for you to get your dog training, be patient with the dog because these things take time, before he starts exploding in anger. You getting your dog training even if you don’t think he needs it is your way of making space for your boyfriend in your life, so the least he can do is to return the favor and be more patient with your dog. He might have anger issues as well, so it’s better you see these things before you proceed any further.

Again, I’d like to think I’m speaking not just as an animal lover when I say that you made the right call. I’m not saying your dog should always have priority over your future boyfriends, but what I’m saying is, there is a way for your future partner to leave space in your relationship for a dog who’s been with you before anyone else came along.

This dog may not be perfect, but he’s always loved you with all his canine heart. It would just be fair if he had a place in your life, even after you’ve found a partner. Dogs shouldn’t be made like emotional pitstops before we find our true loves, they should be co-travelers on this journey. It would be nice if you could find a man who can see and respect that.

(Chico and Delle welcome your letters. Write to: youth@mb.com.ph or fax through 527-7511. Listen to the Dynamic Duo Monday to Saturday, 6 a.m. to 9 a.m. over Monster Radio RX 93.1)