DEAR CHICO AND DELAMAR...

In my last relationship, my now ex-boyfriend would ignore me constantly. Dates would constantly be cancelled because he had XBox night with the guys, or had to meet up with co-workers. And that was when we were just starting to see each other exclusively! We ended up breaking up eventually.

My next boyfriend, on the other hand, was the exact opposite of my ex. We were both very cuddly and expressive of our love for each other. He's cooled down a bit though and is no longer as expressive during the early stages of our relationship. I know I am being illogical and selfish, but I miss all the attention that he used to shower on me. I start going into a funk whenever I don't get the attention that I want. And this need makes me feel guilty because my boyfriend is very supportive and sensitive, and I know that I am being unfair to him.

How do I stop this clingy behavior? So far, my boyfriend has not made any complaints, but I don't want to push my luck and lose a guy that I know is a keeper.

-Melrose

CHICO SAYS...

I think what you need to quiet down your demons is some good old-fashioned communication. It's quite obvious where this is all coming from. Given that you came from a relationship that went down in flames in this manner, it's completely understandable if you would have a dose of paranoia when you see the same pattern cropping up.

Explain this to your current boyfriend. Tell him you understand that he is a completely different person altogether, that you appreciate the fact that he is supportive and sensitive, that this is probably just your fears talking, but that you feel the anxiety anyway.

I've been down this road myself. When someone who used to be so clingy and possessive and needy suddenly becomes very independent, it strangely becomes portentously disturbing. The logical explanation would be that the flames of passion have lost their fuel, therefore cold indifference took the place of unbridled passion.

When I brought this observation up, it was explained to me that the change was not a sign of waning passion. I was told that the former paranoia was fed by uncertainty, not knowing if my love was true. But through the years, as I have proven the veracity of my love, the demons of doubt went away, and the stillness of certainty assuaged the anxious heart. So what I perceived as dying passion was actually a more confident and trusting heart.

I'm not saying this is exactly the case with you and your boyfriend, but all I'm saying is, it's good to be honest with your feelings, especially with your partner in crime. Take the guesswork out of your relationship so you can work on what needs repairing. If you tell him your observations, he might be able to explain to you his side.

If you got it all wrong, he could clear up the confusion. If you got it right on the money, then maybe he can exact some necessary changes to save the relationship. The more you keep these thoughts unexpressed, the more convoluted the story in your head becomes. And before you know it, you've got a whole telenovela going on in there, with your boyfriend blissfully unaware of the impending drama, until it explodes in his face and he wouldn't know what the hell hit him.

If you catch it in the offing, you could extinguish the doubts while they're still manageable. Don't let the crimes of past lovers sabotage your present relationship. Let openness give it a fighting chance.

(Chico and Delle welcome your letters. Write to: youth@mb.com.ph or fax through 527-7511. Listen to the Dynamic Duo Monday to Saturday, 6 a.m. to 9 a.m. over Monster Radio RX 93.1)