MANILA, Philippines -- DEAR CHICO AND DELAMAR... I've always hated piercings and tattoos. I'm scared of them.

But I've made an exception of my boyfriend. He's the typical bad boy with a few piercings, tattoos, plus he's a smoker. It must be love then because we've been together for three years.

Last Valentine's day, he proposed to me. He said since there's no gay marriage here, we just get a tattoo on our ring fingers as a sign of our commitment to each other.

Of course I said yes to the proposal. But I didn't like the idea of getting a tattoo. I suggested that we get identical rings instead. But he said that's very common. He took the whole thing as rejecting his proposal.

He has since been ignoring me and it seems he wants to break up with me. It's that big of a deal to him. Is he is being childish? Or am I being selfish?- Gus

CHICO SAYS… Jumping right into your question if your boyfriend is being childish, the answer is a resounding YES. Getting on your case just because you don't want a tattoo would be like you proposing to him, then asking him to have all his tattoos surgically removed by laser, just because you don't like tattoos. Remember, you accepted him just the way he is, tattoos and piercings and all, even if you don't like body art. Why can't he do the same for you? He wouldn't appreciate it if you tried to mold him into something he isn't, so he should be just as respectful of how you want to keep your body. You have every right to keep your body tattoo-free, just as he has every right to riddle his with as much ink and metal as he pleases.

Proposals should NOT have ifs or buts. You can't say: "Will you marry me? But only IF you get a tattoo." Either he wants to marry you or not, no ifs or buts, with or without a ring tattoo. We cannot dictate how we will be loved by the people we love. We can suggest, but we cannot impose. Just like love is given freely and not forcibly extracted, same goes with how we are loved.

If he wants out just because of this painfully petty reason, then I don't think he loves you AT ALL. A life together will be rife with real challenges and excruciating tests of love and character. If on this level he's already faltering, how much more when the meat-and-bones type of trials come along?

I think he's still too wrapped up in the trappings of what getting together entails. He's acting like a bridezilla who wants every minute detail about her wedding perfect, which loosely translates to "everything-has-to-be-done-her-way". He's being anal about the wrapper, and not paying enough attention to what's inside the package.

I suggest a good talk. Ask him if he's being serious about this tantrum of his. If it's just an overblown “lambing,’’ tell him you get the message, but that he can't treat every disagreement by ignoring you, for the sole reason that it's cruel. You don't do that to the one you love. There will be hundreds of disagreements down the road, and you both need to learn how to disagree.

If he no longer wants to be with you just because you won't get a tattoo, then make your decision. It's still up to you if you want to give in to his diva demands or you can stand up for your rights. If he realizes he was being childish, then put it behind you and hopefully he learned a valuable lesson. A lifelong commitment is no joke. If you can't handle the small stuff, what makes you think you can handle the big stuff? And trust me, the BIG STUFF comes along a couple of times too many.

Maybe you guys aren't ready for such a big leap. I suggest you spend more time together first as boyfriends. The label of "marriage" or "commitment ceremony" or whatever you want to call it might weigh too heavy on your shoulders this early in your relationship. You might be putting undue pressure on yourselves by labeling your union with such gravity and permanence.

Give yourselves a couple of more years to ripen first as a couple before you jump in again. Think before you ink.

DELAMAR SAYS… First of all, tattoos are a serious thing. It stays with you for a lifetime. You are marked on your skin with the attendant pain that you go through when you get them done.

So, it IS a big deal. And getting one entails a lot of thinking if you really need one or want one.

Look, there are two separate things here: the getting ‘married’ and getting a tattoo. I think you should explain that to your boyfriend. Explain that it’s the tattoo that you are saying no to and not the union he is proposing to you. He might think that you chickening out on the tattoo is the way you are trying to get out of a ‘commitment’ with him.

What can I say? A lot of people who are in love can be paranoid acting on their worst fears. Maybe what he heard is that you don’t love him enough to be committed to him. So allay his fears. Maybe he doesn’t remember that you have been happy with each other for three years and all that got stuck in his head is that you won’t get the tattoo that he interprets as a no to his proposal. So, it might be that he cannot differentiate the getting a tattoo and the commitment.

You will have to be clear with him. Explain it. Explain that you are saying yes to the proposal but no (or not yet) to the tattoo because you are not a tattoo kind of person. Reassure him of your feelings. Reassure him that you want to stay with him but you’re totally freaked out by having a needle stuck into your skin a thousand times to make an image.

Try that. Maybe it will help him remember that nothing in your feelings has changed.

(Chico and Delle welcome your letters. Write to: youth@mb.com.ph or fax through 527-7511. Listen to the Dynamic Duo Monday to Saturday, 6 a.m. to 9 a.m. over Monster Radio RX 93.1)