MANILA, Philippines --  DEAR CHICO AND DELAMAR... I am a victim of a sexual assault that has, unfortunately, resulted in me getting pregnant. I don't believe in abortion, so I have decided to put up the child for adoption. However, my family is not exactly supportive of my decision. They want me to keep the baby, saying that my job pays me enough to take care of it on my own, even without the father.

While that is true, I just can't find it in myself to be able to raise this child, as I feel like it will only be a daily reminder of what was done to me. Besides that, as much as I am financially capable of raising this child, I really don't think I am emotionally ready to be a mother just yet at my age -- I am only in my late twenties.

I've told my family about my reasons about not wanting to raise this baby, but the discussion always ends with me being lectured to. How can i make them see that what I am doing would be the best thing to do for my child? Being raised by me is not the best thing that can be done for this child right now. How can I get my family to accept this? -Ellen

CHICO SAYS... Given the delicate nature of your situation let me just play devil's advocate for both sides of the argument to help you thresh out the jumble that might be tumbling around in your head.

First off, you can never tell how a situation will play out, no matter how sure you are of the outcome. I personally know of pregnancies that were so unwanted it could very easily have ended in abortion, but bucking all the odds, the mother now couldn't imagine even considering it and is very happy she kept her baby. On the other end of the spectrum, there are many welcomed pregnancies that ended up as disasters.

All I'm saying is, don't call a situation solely based on how you think it will play out. I understand that this pregnancy stands for a crime, and at first, this child will remind you of the crime inflicted on you by the perpetrator. It is perfectly understandable if you want nothing to do with this child. This pregnancy had ZERO consent on your part.

A pregnancy should be a consensual decision by both parents, not forced on one by the other. But allow me to illustrate as well why your family might feel differently about this child than you do.

Although your baby is a product of a violent crime against you, it's still 50 percent yours. I guess it's that 50 percent of this child that your family doesn't really want to give away. True, it's a 50 percent that was extracted forcibly from you, but nevertheless, it's still your child. And it needs to be said that this child is not his father. Yes, the father inflicted an unforgivable transgression against you, but this child had nothing to do with the crime. It's a difficult decision, balancing the guilt of the father with the innocence of his child. Do you honor the criminal by keeping the child do you punish the innocent by giving the child away?

But in the end, the final decision lies in your hands, not your family's. You have every right to keep the baby or give it up for adoption. It's not your family who will raise the child if ever, it's you, so only you should decide if the child stays with you. What would it benefit the child if you resent it everyday for "inflicting" a life you never wanted? Like I said, I only want to  show you both sides, not really favoring one over the other, because I want to honor your sovereignty over this issue.

My only advice is, don't rush your decision. I don't know how many months you are along the way, but I'd advice you to see it through to the delivery before you make your decision. Maybe nine months together with this child in your womb will give you a better perspective on what you want to do given the difficulty of your situation. Who knows, maybe once you give birth, you can learn to distinguish between the crime of the father and the beauty of the child.

But if after all that time you still feel the same and wish to give the child up for adoption, then at least you know you gave it a chance but that the decision is still the same. At least you know that your decision is an informed one and not simply a knee-jerk reaction. I wouldn't want you to decide to give the baby away only to regret it later on, or to decide to keep it then resent the child eventually for what the pregnancy stands for.

The best you can do really, is to make a decision that feels right at that moment that you make it. Even if it doesn't turn out as expected in the future, at least you can take comfort in the fact that you made the best decision you could at the time. And always remember that you're deciding for two lives here, yours and your unborn child's. You're lucky, you get to decide your own fate. Your baby has no power over its own destiny. His or her fate lies solely in your hands. It's unfair that this pressure is put in your hands, but these are the cards that were dealt to you, so just play them as best as you could.

DELAMAR SAYS... This is YOUR decision. You can explain all you want to other people what your reasons are but you cannot make them approve of it or even agree with it. You have to accept that this journey of parenting or adoption is a decision you do on your own.

It’s a solo journey. Other people can help you but the bottom line is that this is still yours and yours alone to make. So, don’t waste your tears or hold your breath waiting for people to get on board with you regarding a decision they don’t agree with. That’s the truth, you see. There is a difference of opinion. You are convinced that this is the best decision for you and for the child. But everyone’s convinced that they are right in thinking that you should take care of the baby.

There is no right or wrong answer here. There is only a decision. Maybe you are right. Only you would know if you are ready or not. And only you would know if this is more about how the child was conceived more than it is a question of whether you are ready or not. Late 20’s is not that young anymore. Many people younger than you have raised children.

I could be wrong but in my opinion this has more to do with the situation in which the child was conceived more than your actual preparedness. But even if that was the case, the decision still lies with you. It’s still yours to say no to. You may be prepared for parenting but if you DO NOT WANT the responsibility to begin with then adoption might be the next best thing.

With that in mind, be prepared that there is no making your family to accept your decision. And expect already that even after the decision and the child has been adopted there will be some left over resentment or at the very least disagreement on both sides. That’s just the way it is. That is one of the many consequences of your decision.

One thing though, I strongly advise you to hold off the final decision to put the baby up for adoption on hold until the very last moment. Wait until after you have seen your baby when you give birth. You have to really make sure that this is what you want because once the baby is adopted there is no going back. And even if there is, there will be people who will be hurt mainly the people who will begin to love that child already. So, having to take back the child will hurt more people than necessary.

So, my advice is just wait till you meet your baby in person. See how you feel when you first lay your eyes on him. If the feeling that you really want to give him away is still strong then go with that. Just make sure that you have done all possible means to be certain that adoption is really what you want because there might be no changing it once it is done. And regret is hard to live with for the rest of your life…especially regrets about children.