MANILA, Philippines --  DEAR CHICO AND DELAMAR...Three years ago, I had a fling with a man I would just name Erick. I've never been in love before, but I suppose you can consider what I felt for Erick as being love. When we were together, we treated each other as "special friends". Other than that, we never really put a label on what we had.

However, people did root for us to become a couple, saying how good we looked together and that we complemented each other. But that just added pressure for the both of us. I didn't want to be the first to admit that I've already fallen for him so I broke it off. I did it because if he didn't see me as more than a friend, I could at least salvage my pride by getting out of the situation. And if he did feel something for me, it would be the time for him to step up.

I could see that he was hurt when I said goodbye to him, and I was kind of disappointed that he just let me go. But the two of us moved on with our lives. Or at least I thought we did, until we met each other again last year at a common friend's wedding.

It was like the flames were rekindled. He offered to drive me home after the wedding and it started again from there. He wanted to meet my friends to get their approval and was jealous if I was with other guys. When I asked him what his intentions were, he said that he was so used to having me as part of his life and that he was out-of-sorts when I broke it off the first time. That wasn't the response I was looking for so I broke it off again. I may have been falling for him, but he was not.

That should have been the end of it, but the two of us ended up having a "parinigan" over Facebook, spilling over to our common friends. He ended up blocking me from his Facebook. Friends began telling me that maybe the only reason we were so furious at each other is because there were feelings there. Was what he felt for me just pure friendship? Was I in an unrequited love scenario? Was it my fault? Should I make the first move and make amends? Should I move on? Should I remove him permanently as a friend from Facebook and from real life? -Peppermint

CHICO SAYS… To be brutally frank, I'm infuriated by the both you! There is so much needless drama between the two of you, drama that can be avoided by one simple solution: communication.

You've saddled your "relationship" with so much speculation and assumption that you both have created monsters inside your respective heads. I don't even know how you lasted this long with so many things left unspoken. You've built your so-called " relationship" on truckloads of guesswork.

On his part, he should've been more upfront with what he really wants from you and your time together. Does he want you as his girlfriend? Does he love you but isn't ready for commitment? Was he interested, but merely wanted more time to explore how he really felt for you? Obviously he's emotionally constipated and couldn't (or wouldn't) express how he felt.

Unfortunately for everyone concerned, our culture dictates that any profession of love ought to come from the male. But considering the alternative, you should've spoken up, instead of playing an age-old gambit that has proven ineffective time and again. That whole, "Okay-I'm-leaving-chase-me-now-or-lose-me-forever" bluff never really solved anything. If any, it only muddled up an already brackish-at-best situation. If you just sat him down and asked him how he REALLY felt, instead of breaking up with him to elicit a reaction, you would've spared yourself a lot of future heartache. Either you'd get him to profess his love and proceed accordingly, or you can achieve closure and move on, as opposed to protracting a state of confusion indefinitely.

Instead of you both second-guessing the other one, you could've just laid your cards out on the table and spared each other the aggravation. I mean, what were you afraid of — rejection?

Personally, I'd rather be rejected than be strung along for years! One may be painful to endure, but the other is counter-productive! The reason you keep gravitating towards each other all the time, no matter how long you haven't seen each other, is not neces¬sarily because of enduring love, but possibly because you've left so much unfinished business with each other that it's a fundamental yearning for both of you to attain some measure of closure. Until you finally swing this door wide open or finally slam it shut, you'll forever be keeping one eye on each other to the detriment of any future romantic prospects.

For the sake of your future husband and children, will you please end this cycle of emotional equivocation and finally settle your scores? Instead of un-friending him on Facebook, will you please have this overdue talk and lay it out for him to see? No verbiage, no coded language, just speak your peace with an open heart, and tell him what's been going on all these years. Tell him how you felt through the years, why you "broke up" with him both times, even if there was no official commitment between you, and how you feel NOW.

If he won't bare his soul, for your own sake, bare yours. If he still decides to clam up, then that's his problem. As far as you're concerned, you told him what you think, how you felt, and what you want from here onwards.

At best, he will finally have the courage to express how he feels for you; at worst, he will reject you. Either way, you will achieve freedom. In the long run, it doesn't matter what the outcome is, what's important is that you did what you should've done years ago; to be honest with him and to be honest with yourself. If you achieve that, you've already won. Good luck.

DELAMAR SAYS… There is a huge problem here and it has to do with communication. This is a simple problem to fix but it is a major problem that destroys many relationships and would-be relationships.

You have a problem with saying what you really feel. You didn't say what you wanted from him because you think you will lose face if you were to say it first that you wanted more.

Instead you just upped and left when you didn't get it.

It is unreasonable because you didn't ask him for what you wanted and when he didn't give it (probably because he didn't know it) you just bolted. You did it again after you saw each other again at someone's wedding. You expected him to say something out of a script, to act as if there was a pre-decided step that he should take. You didn't hear his words. He told you in his own way with his own words how he felt that he hasn't been happy since you “broke up” with him. He was telling you of his feelings then. But you didn't hear him. You just decided to break it off with him again because he didn't say or do exactly as you would have wanted from him.

Has it ever occurred to you that he was also shy about being the only one to be in love? But he said the words to tell you that you were important to him that he hasn't been happy without you. What did you do? You broke up with him again! Imagine how it must've been for him. He spilled his guts to you about not being okay without you in his life and you just walked away from him! A second time! It must've felt that you were toying with his feelings. He must've felt that you could just easily cast his heart aside after he told you that you are important to him.

What did you say about your feelings? What did you put on the line? Nothing. You have misplaced pride here. You are being vain and stupid not to tell someone how you really feel about him.

I'm sorry that my words seem harsh but you have acted as if you didn't care for him. And you are surprised that things between you are bad. The truth is, you have a bigger part in the blame here. You should have told him you missed him too. Maybe that would have given him the encouragement to tell you more about how serious his feelings were. Men need encouragement too. Men are afraid of being shot down too, especially by the girls they really are into. When you should have shown him your feelings you, just broke up with him. When you should have told him he was important to you, you just threw him away. Why didn't you ask him questions? Why didn't you ask him what he wants the second time you had the chance? Why didn't you tell him that you were sad too when you broke up? It's vanity. It's pride. You just didn't want to be the first one to profess your feelings. But he did profess his feelings. And what did you do in return? Hurt him again.

If you really love this guy stop playing games. If you really love this guy, help him feel that his feelings for you are going to be valued. If you really love this guy make him feel secure around you. If you love this guy you will be honest about how you feel and risk something. Because in the end pride is of little value compared to love. If you really love him you will say exactly how I feel. You're not begging for a relationship. You are just stating how much he means to you. He's said it to you. Have you said it to him? Does he really know that he is important to you too?

Tell him what you told us in this letter. Explain to him the true motives behind your breaking up with him. Tell him you were afraid that you were the only one who was in love. Apologize for not having had the guts to tell him that you wanted more from him.

Tell him you didn't mean to cast him aside so easily it was just that you were afraid he didn't want what you wanted from him. Be honest. Say what you mean and mean what you say. And let him decide what he will do with the correct and accurate information this time. He's probably just angry with you because he thinks you played with his heart. If he knew that you didn't, if he knew that you felt something for him too, what would his reaction be?

For me, if you love him set the record straight. If your pride is more important though, then just accept that there is no more hope for you both getting back together. This is not about who is saying what on Facebook or who gets to unfriend the other one first. This is about being honest with your feelings with the person you say you love. Be a smart girl, learn to give encouragement to the guy when he needs it from you. If you do, you have a better chance of getting what you want from him.