MANILA, Philippines — Dear Chico and Delamar... I met my current boyfriend when my boyfriend before him was out of the country on a month-long vacation. It wasn't like I planned it. I just met this wonderful new guy, and as much as I tried to resist, I was just too taken with my now boyfriend's charms.

Of course, the breakup was very bad. We said some pretty mean stuff about each other when he came back and confronted me about what happened, and I cut off all contact with him. The last thing I ever sent him was an email after our big fight apologizing for what I've done to him, since I admit i was at fault after all.

Fast forward to today, several years after we broke up. My ex sent me a very nice email a couple of days back, updating me on his life and contact information after years of no contact between the two of us. He wants to catch up with me after all these years.

I'm 50/50 on this proposal. I will admit to being curious about his life now, but I am also very wary that this "catching up" may just complicate things with my current boyfriend, with whom I have a very great relationship. He says he wants to reconcile, and while part of me wants that as well, I also don't see myself keeping in touch with him afterwards. What should I do? — Lita

Chico says… I'm a big fan of closure. I don't like it when there's a Damocles' sword hanging over my head, involving any sort of unfinished business. I tend to dwell on them for YEARS, creating different scenarios as to how things would have played out. It's like a movie with a hundred alternative endings.

I remember I had a best friend I had a falling out with in grade 3. We didn't talk to each other until the very last day of our grade 7 exams, he held out his hand, we shook hands, no words, then he transferred schools and I never saw him again. He became quite famous/notorious later on, and I would've wanted to talk about what happened. I never had the chance, but I must say, more than 30 years after, it still runs in my head every now and then.

So for me, a good talk to tie all the loose ends really helps in finally moving on. With regular folk, I can fight with them, discard them, forward them to my trash bin and empty trash with a couple of clicks; I don't need any closure, just click summarily and forget about them. But with family, people you were in meaningful relationships with and good friends, somehow they deserve better. These people you can't just throw away like some spam email.

But that said, yours is a trickier matter, since you have a current boyfriend, the very one you left your ex for. So given your record of "going astray", your current boyfriend might be a bit concerned, since we all know what goes around comes around.

Forgive my bluntness, but I'm sure your current might have some concerns if you can be trusted, given how easily you tend to straggle from who you're with when you see the proverbial greener grass on the other side.

So if you feel any sort of misgivings, for whatever reasons, be it fears of rekindling a supposedly dead romance or complicating things with your current, then leave it be. Beg off from your ex and I'm sure he'll understand.

But if the need to re-connect is strong, you need to walk down this potentially risky path with your current boyfriend's complete cooperation and participation. He needs to give his consent for this catching up, and you need to be honest about your feelings about this and full disclosure of what would transpire after. This way, there would be no room for doubt or deception on both sides. Don't embark on this in secret, that would be tempting fate.

Delamar says... I totally agree with you. What then after this “catching up”? What’s going to happen? Are you going to be friends? Are you going to keep each other updated? If so, why and what for? It will definitely be uncomfortable for your current. And that might bring problems into your relationship today. I just wonder if it’s worth the trouble just to “catch up”.

On the other hand, what about closure? Maybe it’s time to set things right and make peace with someone you hurt with a romantic betrayal years ago. There is something to be said about saying sorry after all these years. The only problem is, you don’t know what your ex’s agenda is. Is he still interested? Does he have questions? What does he want? And again, it’s hard to anticipate what kinds of problems will this bring into your relationship now.

For me, it’s good to keep in mind that the priority right now is your current relationship. That’s what you have to protect more than the past, or your history with your ex. It’s the relationship you have now that you have to guard against anything that might shake it, disturb it, or upset it. It’s good to be careful that you don’t hurt two men. Your ex got hurt already make sure that your current will not get needlessly hurt too. Talk about it with your boyfriend. I believe in transparency within relationships. It’s good for him to know that you want him to know these things. It’s good for him to know that you go to him when there is trouble at any front. That will breed trust. And he will feel secure. And it is good to hear what he has to say and also for you to tell him that you know your priority – him.

The way I see it, if this will just cause trouble don’t even get it started. But there is a lesson here for you and your current boyfriend: that you are a team and you will tackle these things together to protect the relationship and each other from anything that will put a wedge between the two of you.

(Chico and Delle welcome your letters. Write to: youth@mb.com.ph or fax through 527-7511. Listen to the Dynamic Duo Monday to Saturday, 6 a.m. to 9 a.m. over Monster Radio RX 93.1)