MANILA, Philippines — Dear Chico and Delamar... I am 31 years old. I have been in a long distance relationship for more than two years now. The guy and I met through a common friend working in Dubai. I may be biased but when I met him, I saw him as the only honest, devoted OFW. He is a devoted Christian and he comes from a family of preachers. He was jaded about love because of a woman he met in Dubai five years ago who cheated on him; there was money involved. He broke up with the girl, and he was still devastated about the incident two years after.

It was painstaking for me to mend his heart and make him trust a woman again, but he did. We were so devoted that we were online almost 24/7. I felt empty if I didn't spend the day and night with him online. I've met his family and attended his church even if I am Catholic. He became my core and I did everything for him and more.

But he has never mentioned marriage so I never bring up the topic. Last week, I received a text from him saying that his ex-girlfriend wanted him back. He said he wanted to be truthful to me and forwarded the texts he sent to the girl, saying that he has a girlfriend and I am his life now. But he also mentioned that had he been single, he would have said yes to her again and married her.

When I received the text I told him I appreciated his honestly. It was painful for me when I read the texts, and when I asked him if he would go back to his ex if I wasn't his girl, he said yes. When I asked if he wanted a break, he vehemently said no. I told him that after him. He cried when I said I'd set him free if he would be happier with her. I never knew I had it in me to be so selfless. In my heart, I just want him to be happy, even at my expense.

Even when my boyfriend assures me that he will marry me and that he loves me, doubts sink in. I want to keep him, but what if he doesn't want me? He may feel obliged to stay because I've given myself to him and he is a pious Christian. I told him he has no obligation and that I will let him go. He gets pissed off when our conversations go this way. Help me. — Hon-some's GF

Chico says…The only thing I can share is what I would do had I been in your shoes. This is in no way "advice" in the sense that I recommend you do the same. Honestly, with situations like this, the choice is really in your hands; no right, no wrong, just choices.

But personally, had I been you, I would only want to be married to some one who wants to be with me because I was THE choice, not because he had NO choice. Every tissue, every cell, every molecule of his being should be screaming out to be with me, and not just because he already committed to me and therefore is left with little choice.

Maybe it's a naive overly-romantic way to view love and marriage, but that's how it is with me. I could not imagine being with a person who, had he been free, would marry someone else in a heartbeat. I want LOVE to be the reason for marriage, not OBLIGATION.

He says he would marry her had he not been with you. But he'd marry you because she came around too late and he's already committed to you. Valiant, yes, but I'd choose love over valor any day. No need for charity here. His conviction is admirable but in my opinion, misplaced. He does you, his ex, and himself a disservice by staying with you even if his heart is with another girl. It's like saying I love the red car, but I'll buy the blue car instead because I already committed to it. In the end, he'll be miserable with his choice. If I had three testicles, I'd bet one that he'd regret his decision down the road, maybe not anytime soon, but it will gnaw at him little by little and one day, it'll just fall apart.

Again, if I were you, I'd let him go. Not so much for his sake, but for mine. I know it sounds so heroic that you love him so much that you'd set him free, even if it means losing him. But seriously, do you really want to be with someone, who would rather be with someone else?

True, I'm sure he loves you, but he loves her MORE. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who's with you just because he doesn't want to be the bad guy? Just because he wants to do the "right" thing? Just because he's being a gentleman and doesn't want to break your heart? Just because he's exercising his conviction by sticking to you even if his first choice is his ex?

I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to marry someone to whom I'm a second choice. Since we're the only country left in the world which bans divorce, we only have one choice of a lifetime partner. Would you like to spend that one choice on someone who loves someone else? Wouldn't you want to choose someone who, even with a choice among a couple of billion women, would choose you? Not because he had no choice, but because he wants you, and nobody, nobody but YOU. But this is me, and I am not you.

In the end, you need to make this decision for yourself. Would it be wrong to still marry him despite what you know now? No. It's a valid decision. You just need to know exactly what it is you're getting into. Choose this if you must, but go into this with open eyes, and not with some rose-colored version of what you want this to be, so you don't crash and burn if things don't play out the way you expected.

I know, life throws you curve balls every now and then, but that is how it is. You can't control what happens to you, but you can control how you react to it. Some people get what they deserve, while others get what they THINK they deserve. Which one are you?

Chico and Delle welcome your letters. Write to: youth@mb.com.ph or fax through 527-7511. Listen to the Dynamic Duo Monday to Saturday, 6 a.m. to 9 a.m. over Monster Radio RX 93.1)