MANILA, Philippines — Dear Chico and Delamar... My husband and I have been married for nine years, and we have three children. My husband and I used to work for the same company where we met.

However, there were a lot of changes in our life last year. I left to work for another company with bigger pay while my husband left to work in another country. Last month, one of our trusted friends, after learning that my husband wasn't giving us enough financial support, confessed that my husband had an affair with a co-worker from 2007 to 2010.

I confronted my husband about his infidelity and he admitted to it, telling me that he had impregnated the girl before he left but that she had the child aborted. Even then, he is still financially supporting the girl.

I did all that I could to win him back, as if it were my fault in the first place. I only talk to him right now for the sake of my children. He's never said sorry for what he did.

I feel numb and confused. I can’t concentrate on my job. I am trying to be a strong person for my children, but how can I survive infidelity? This would be an appropriate term because that is exactly what I am doing, surviving one moment at a time. I only trust the Lord for everything. — Cecille

Chico says... This is very difficult because we're dealing with apples and oranges here. What works for one couple won't necessarily work for another. I know of one couple, where, after the infidelity, the wife opted to get back with her husband, despite EVERYONE around her telling her NOT to. Everyone who was on her side would state the obvious, how he doesn't deserve her after the betrayal, and that if he did it once, he'll do it again.

But against everyone's advice, she stayed with him, mainly to keep the family together. It was a rough path, but eventually, I guess it worked. They're all good, still together, and in retrospect, getting back together WAS the best option, regardless of how dim the prospects seemed at the time. But then I know another couple, who was also beset by cheating, who opted to first separate, then get an annulment. They have both moved on, the wife now married to another guy, and the husband soon to be engaged, and they seem infinitely happier with their new loves than they ever were when they were together.

So why am I seemingly muddling the already muddy point by illustrating the same results from different options?

That is precisely my point. Post-infidelity, some couples are better off staying together, while others are better off going their own ways; there are no steadfast rules. What is emotional redemption for one couple could be relationship quicksand for another. Staying is neither right nor wrong, leaving is neither right nor wrong. I'm not sitting on the fence by being equivocal. It's just that I've been around the block a couple of times to know that when it comes to relationships, the only rule is: there are no rules.

Even within our barkada I can see some who would tolerate cheating in the name of love, and others who'd be out the door at the first sign of disloyalty. Different strokes for different folks. In your case, usually the best recourse is to see first if the relationship is salvageable. Figure out if you can live with it - the cheating, the lack of remorse, the idea that it could recur indefinitely - you need to find out if you're the type who's like, "basta sa akin siya umuuwi". If you can, then in the vernacular, "panindigan mo". But if you can't and you feel that you deserve someone who has the balls to stay loyal to you, or at least the decency to acknowledge that he made a mistake, apologize and promise never to do it again, then it wouldn't be wrong to leave.

Personally, I can live with a one-time isolated case. Everyone is human, and sometimes, the baser instincts can get the better of the best of us. Nobody is beyond reproach.

So if I can see that there is genuine contrition, and an important lesson had been learned, I can see myself summoning enough love to heal, get past and eventually recover from such a fall from grace. But I have no space in my life for a repeat offender. As the saying goes: "Do it to me once, shame on you; do it to me twice, get the f*ck out of my house b*tch."

(Chico and Delle welcome your letters. Write to: youth@mb.com.ph or fax through 527-7511. Listen to the Dynamic Duo Monday to Saturday, 6 a.m. to 9 a.m. over Monster Radio RX 93.1)