MANILA, Philippines — Dear Chico and Delamar... It's been a couple of months since I discovered that my boyfriend of two years has been cheating on me, and it has been a slow but steady recovery for the two of us. He has been working on being faithful to me, while I have been trying my best to not have my anger overwhelm the relationship we are trying to rebuild.

Even after all this time, I am still prone to angry outbursts directed at him and just simply breaking down, and I think we've both come to terms that this will be how the relationship will be for some time. However, I feel like I'm becoming less and less hostile toward him and inching closer and closer towards full forgiveness.

I can't say the same for the girl that he had the relationship with. Maybe it's just my anger talking, but the times I've met her -- she and my boyfriend work at the same office -- I've always felt like she craves attention. She was the one who sent pictures of herself to my boyfriend and keeps on hanging around him even after everything that's happened.

As much as I feel like I would be justified in feeling anger towards her, I just want all of this bad energy to go away. How do I get rid of the hate and anger I feel towards her? I don't want to live with this feeling but I just can't seem to get rid of it -Katrina

Chico says... I won't lie, holding grudges and anger issues are something I struggle with myself on a daily basis. Whenever I suffer the injustice of an unprovoked attack, whenever I feel like I'm minding my own business, then someone maliciously slams me for whatever reason, I find it hard to NOT feel the accompanying righteous indignation.

At least if it were war, then you know it's a free-for-all. But if the attack is unwarranted and unprovoked, it's quite difficult be the proverbial bigger person and just let it go. Some days it's like, “isaksak mo ‘yang bygones mo sa puwet mo!”

They say forgiveness liberates, but it's actually easier said than done. When the forgiveness is cocooned inside a multiple folds of resentment and hatred, it's rather frustrating attempting to liberate it.

In my case, I can think of specific people in my life whom I've been struggling to forgive for years now. I guess it's more difficult to forgive people who aren't exactly apologizing to begin with. You're on the path to forgiving your partner because he's repentant and trying to make genuine amends. It's more difficult to forgive the girl, who until now remains defiant, and still trying to take from you what she can.

But the truth is, you don't need an apology in order to forgive. As excruciating as it may be to our egos, it is possible, and actually recommendable. Because in the end, while you're simmering in the juices of your anger, slowly coming to a steady boil, the object of your disdain could be nooneenoo-ing her way through her day, unfazed, oblivious to your Sisyphean struggles, having the time of her life.

So in the end, you have to ask yourself: sinong talo?

Sad to say, whoever carries the burden of the situation more, is ultimately the loser – whoever is more affected, whoever is more bothered, whoever cannot let it go.

Sometimes it's not so much forgiveness, but simply letting it go. You don't need to be her friend, you don't need to hug it out, you don't even need to be civil to her. But you need to let it go.

Focus more on repairing your fractured relationship with your husband. The more you focus on this beeyotch, the more steep your climb to okay will be. If you can find any space in your heart to forgive her, please do. That way the exorcism becomes ultimate and complete.

But don't force something you are incapable of. Like I said, if you can't forgive, try to at least transcend. Find a way to relegate her to your inconsequential file and store her away where it doesn't obstruct progress.

It's difficult, but you need to find a way to do it, lest you keep this poison inside of you, and like acid in a metal container, it'll eat away at you eventually. The future that holds you and your husband repaired and back together has no space for her in it. By hating on her, you keep her with you. By letting her go, you banish her forever never to return. She can try to make her presence felt, but you will be far and insulated from her influence.

It's a herculean enterprise, but the alternative leaves you no choice. Let go and let God. Or in my version, let go and let karma bitchslap miss raging firecrotch.

Delamar says...The anger you feel towards her will never go away. More so because she is still hanging around him. There is no way that you can or will ever be friends with her. So, don't even try.

That is unnecessary pressure for you to have in your life on top of everything else that the cheating has brought with it.

The way I see it, and I need to remind you that this is just my opinion, you will never be okay until he works with her or she works with him.That's just the way it is.

Now, I don't know what is the possibility of getting a new job for your boyfriend but I think that's the best way for him to pacify you or at least show you that he is serious about letting you know that the cheating is a part that is truly OVER.. That or the girl resigns, but what is the possibility of that happening, right?

The problem with cheating and infidelity is that it destroys relationships. And even if the relationship is worth saving, there is a whole lot of work that goes with trying to make things better again, rebuilding that trust and finding that love again where you can truly believe in each other. It is a lot of work. And you both have to be committed to doing all that is necessary to get back to good.

But that goes heavier on his part than yours just because he is the offending party here.Talk to your boyfriend about how you're feeling. Show him what it is like if the roles were reversed and he had to deal with you seeing the one you cheated with at the office everyday and still hanging around you. He has to fully realize the effect of his cheating and how difficult it is for you to deal with the aftermath.

Be honest with what you want from him. By honest I don't mean demanding but straight up with what you really want for him to do. See what he does with that and see how he reacts. But most importantly, he has to understand how it is to be in your shoes dealing with that girl still hanging around him everyday.

Good luck. Your situation is not easy. And there are couples who do manage to get back to good with each other even after someone cheats. You just have to accept that it is a lot of work.

And for the both of you. You both need to realize that. And if that is still something you want to do to try to save what you have, then do it wholeheartedly with everything you've got.

(Chico and Delle welcome your letters. Write to: youth@mb.com.ph or fax through 527-7511. Listen to the Dynamic Duo Monday to Saturday, 6 a.m. to 9 a.m. over Monster Radio RX 93.1)