Avoiding miscommunication and missed communication in our homes

Another tip from the Journal of a Practical Mom

By CHERRY MORIONES-DOROMAL

July 26, 2011, 5:25am

Cherry Moriones- Doromal

MANILA, Philippines -- In an attempt to explain the importance of keeping the home clean, I told my preschooler son, “Don’t make mess or else, ants and cockroaches might eat us. Cockroaches are pests”. “Oh, yes, Mom, cockroaches are best”, the naive boy replied.

How clear are our messages and instructions? Most conflicts- from a petty quarrel to world war- are brought about by poor communication. Proper communication is the whole key to success of any relationship, partnership or organization, from one’s own home, to the corporate, to a nation.

The State of the Nation Address (SONA) by President Aquino yesterday was clear, simple, and dynamic. The reasons, I think, are (1) it was well-researched, (2) it was spoken in the native tongue and obviously, (3) it came from the heart; as may be deduced from how comfortably and naturally it was delivered by President Benigno S. Aquino III.

Due to the clarity of the SONA, it was easier on the part of the spectators to praise or criticize its contents and to determine which issues were touched and which aspects were not mentioned in the SONA. In entirety, the speech was comprehensible.

In the family setting, as we know, every household has its own set of rules: come home before 6:00 pm, no grade below 90%, no computer games on weekdays, no boyfriend, etcetera.

How do we avoid miscommunication at home? Here are some tips:

1. Express your message, rules or instructions vocally and clearly.

Parents, it is not advisable to presume that you are being understood by your kids without even uttering a word. It is unfair to think that what you have in mind is the same as what another person has in mind. For instance, you asked your kid to study his lessons. The kid opened his book and read for five minutes, closed the book afterwards and began playing PSP. Question: Did your kid study? You’ll say “no, he didn’t”. The answer is “yes, he did”. Irrespective of the briefness of time the kid spent in reading- as in this case, for only five minutes- the kid obeyed your instruction. However, it could have been not quite clear to him as to what subjects you wanted him to study and how long you wanted him to read. To make instructions clear,you may take efforts to send text messages or leave notes at conspicuous areas at home.

2. Clarify your expectations and level your expectations with the capacity of the receiver.

In communicating with anybody in your family, consider the age as well as the capacity of the person to fulfill your expectations. Be rational. For instance, you are dealing with a high schooler. You may forbid him from watching movies with friends on a school day, but you cannot totally forbid him from communicating with friends. Socialization is active during adolescent years.

3. Teach the manner you want your order or instruction to be performed or carried out.

If you instructed you kid to keep his room clean and orderly, you have to define “clean and orderly”. Demonstrate what you mean if possible. For instance, by clean and orderly you mean no unnecessary clutter, well arranged beddings , pillow cases changed every other day, shoes must be put inside the cabinet on the left, etcetera. If you don’t do this, chances are, you will be infuriated over and over again for no logical grounds.

4. Repeat the message when needed.

This calls for patience. Do not expect that our children or our wife or husband will understand whatever we want to communicate on the first attempt. It takes unremitting understanding and broad-mindedness for everyone in the family to strengthen our relationship.

5. Be bold to ask questions.

If there is anything unclear to you, do not be idle nor be afraid to ask questions.

6. Take time to listen.

Don’t do all the talking all the time. Be sensitive on the feelings of your family members. Listen to what your better half and children have to say. Respect their words and opinions. This is a sure shot for you not to miss any communication.

7. Speak from the heart.

An old Filipino adage says: "An honest communication leads to smooth connection".That's right! No pretentions, be transparent.

Communicate. Speak out. Everything that comes from the heart yields power. Remember,while words may be sharp as a sword; silence may be an artful killer.

Links on Journal of a Practical Mom Series:

Teacher Mom in an Alternative Classroom

http://www.mb.com.ph/node/321900/teacher-mom-alternative-classroom

The Anti-Stress Science of Facebook

http://www.mb.com.ph/node/316971/the-anti-stress-science-facebook

Ways to love your old newspapers

http://www.mb.com.ph/node/316497/ways-love-your-old-newpapers

Wow eating manners!

http://www.mb.com.ph/node/315715/wow-eating-manners

Freeze it!

http://www.mb.com.ph/node/302629/freeze-it

Journal of a Practical Mom