MANILA, Philippines — Dear Chico and Delamar... My boyfriend and I have been together for two years now and I used to think of him as my soul mate. We just got along so well, and I thought for sure that we were going to get married eventually.

But last week, when my boyfriend's female co-worker met up with me and told me that she had been having an affair with him for the past year. I didn't believe her at first, and when I confronted my boyfriend about it I thought he would deny it. He admitted that he did cheat on me with her, but that it was only a one-night stand and not the year-long affair she had alleged.

I honestly do not trust either of them, but more than just determining which one is telling the truth, I am also troubled by how easily I and my boyfriend are still getting along. Except for that one big fight when I confronted him about his affair, my boyfriend and I have been acting like nothing has changed. Deep inside I'm still angry, but he just seems so adept at charming me. Should I be concerned that I seem to be letting him off the hook so easily? Or should I just be thankful that we seem okay for a couple on the edge of a breakdown? –Rosario

Chico says...With different couples, come different deal breakers.

For some people, the moment you cheat, you're out. For some, they draw the line at physical violence. So what you will learn to accept and what you will refuse to compromise on will all depend on you.

I know women who will NEVER condone infidelity. The moment a boyfriend proves to be unfaithful, there's no strike one and strike two, he's sent packing even before the stains dry on the sheets.

But I also know women who don't see "harmless" playing around as particularly worrying. For them, as long as the men give them what they're due, they let their boys play the field, since they subscribe to the adage, "boys will be boys".

Personally though, I put a high premium on trust. Sometimes it's not so much the actual cheating but the idea that a trust was broken.

So ask yourself what carries more weight, getting to the bottom of your boyfriend's trustworthiness but at the expense of prolonging the conflict or would you rather enjoy the "peace" even if it means sweeping a lot of potentially essential issues under the rug? Only you could tell which urge needs satisfying.

Just remember, you deserve that which you think you are worth.

Delamar says… Infidelity is not a small thing, although it DOES NOT have to be fatal nor lethal to a relationship. In very rare times, it even strengthens a relationship. But it shouldn’t be taken lightly. Your boyfriend might possess a smooth tongue and knows how to handle you that’s why it’s been easy after the cheating was discovered.

Here’s my opinion, there is trust that was betrayed here. And the fact that it had to be the girl to tell you about it before he owned up to it seems highly suspect. I’m not sure who’s telling the truth about how long the cheating was but let me put it this way, your boyfriend has a lot to gain by lying about how long it was.

It will seem “less” of cheating if he did it just once rather than for one year, if he is right that he lied to you only once. But if the girl is right, then that is one whole year's worth of lying and deceiving. But at this point, how can you trust him to tell you the truth if it wasn’t even his idea to tell you about it? He was just forced to admit his affair because the other girl already squealed to you.

You admitted that deep inside you are angry. And you should be! There is trust that has been betrayed here. I’m not encouraging you to live in strife with him and to pick a fight every chance you get. What I am saying is, you ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO deal with the cheating and not sweep it under the rug and pretend that nothing happened. You have to be able to flesh it out with him. You have to open with what you feel. Say what you need to say. Ask the questions you need to ask. And demand for the answers you need to hear.

He has to know that it is his job to explain to you until you are satisfied with his answers to the who, what, when, where, how and why of it all. Process the issue now. If you don’t it will get buried and it will take root. And next thing you know there will be resentment. And when there is resentment it will affect all the other aspects of your relationship.

Don’t be smooth-talked into pretending it wasn’t a big deal. It is. Show your true emotions and true sentiments about what happened. In the end, THAT is the healthier reaction than coasting along as if everything is fine when in reality underneath there is a hurt that hasn’t been expressed nor made known.

(Chico and Delle welcome your letters. Write to: youth@mb.com.ph or fax through 527-7511. Listen to the Dynamic Duo Monday to Saturday, 6 a.m. to 9 a.m. over Monster Radio RX 93.1)