More than being husband and wife, Gabriel and Josephine are the best of friends, and that’s their secret. Photo By PINGGOT ZULUETA

MANILA, Philippines — Dear Jo,” read the letter, which was handed to Josephine King by one of her girlfriends.

The letter continued on: “My mother told me this is what I needed to do.” And the letter went on about how the young Amado Gabriel Esteban, who was recently named as the new president of Seton Hall University in New Jersey, had fallen in love with his close friend Josephine.

The two met when Jo thought about joining the Math Club. She went to the club’s office and met some of the officers. One of them was Gabriel.

While Jo was busy scrutinizing the scene inside the club office, Gabriel was astounded, mesmerized by the beauty of the lady standing by the door. He couldn’t take his eyes off her. When she turned around to leave because she didn’t like what she had seen, Gabriel felt a sudden panic rising in his heart. He just couldn’t let her go away without even getting her name.

Gabriel, with his club mates in tow, followed her and asked her why she didn’t want to join the club anymore. “It wasn’t the Math club I was expecting,” she told him at that time.  Recently, she explained further: “I was expecting intellectual discussions, analytical computations and problem solving. Their club was more like a fraternity or sorority thing. I didn’t want to have anything to do with that.”

Just when Jo thought that that was the last time she would see any of the Math Club members, she was proven wrong. Right after one of her classes, she found Gabriel standing outside the classroom waiting for her.

“I don’t know how he knew my schedule. But I would always see him outside the door of my classrooms. He knew what time my class would end, and then he would walk me to my next class. He would carry my books for me, and I made sure he’d carry the hardbound ones,” recalls Josephine.

From then on, a good friendship was forged. The two became inseparable. They would do their research in the library, review their lessons and attend university activities together. And when two persons spend most times together, they usually get to know each other better. And sometimes, this leads to something else, like love. For Josephine and Gabriel, it was exactly that.

Being a self-confessed torpe, Gabriel didn’t know how to tell Josephine about his feelings. So, he went to his mother and asked her what he should do. His mother coached him to write a letter. And so, that was how the letter went.

His honesty earned him some major pogi points with Jospehine. “If this guy is this close to his mother, then he is certainly a good person.”

After the letter incident, Gabriel had to ask Jospehine’s father for permission to take her out to dinner. It was quite a feat. “Josephine’s father was Col. King. He always had bodyguards with him. So, while I was sitting and talking to her father in their living room, I could see the bodyguards with their guns out. And not far from them were two huge dogs, her dogs, standing guard, too. It was quite funny actually. I was curious more than anything else,” shares Gabriel.

Josephine’s father must have seen Gabriel’s honorable intentions because he gave his approval instantly. “On our first official date, we had for chaperone my younger sister Anne, who was then four years old. Every time we went out on a date, we would bring Anne with us,” Josephine recalls.

On September 18, 1979, the two became a couple. And six years later, on June 1, 1985, they decided to take their vows. That time, Josephine and Gabriel had stayed at the university for their M.B.A.s Then, Gabriel became a recipient – the first Filipino to receive that grant—of the Fujitsu Asian Scholarship Program in 1985 which took him to Hawaii for his second master’s degree in Japanese business studies.

In between his studies, Gabriel and Josephine returned to work for a while in the Philippines. Gabriel became an instructor at the College of Business Administration in UP Diliman. He also worked as an investment analyst in corporate planning at San Miguel Corporation in the late 1980s.

They were happy with the way their life was heading. Gabriel expected to stay in the private sector, but opportunities came knocking at their door. Josephine was offered a chance to earn an MBA with an assistantship at the University of California, Riverside. At the same time, Gabriel also won a fellowship to get a doctorate in business administration at the University of California, Irvine.

“The best years of our lives were the times when we were just struggling, when we were just students in the US. I remember when we first moved to the US. We only had four suitcases with us. We took as much clothes as we could because we decided not buy any clothes for the next two years while we were there. We didn’t want to spend what little funds we had,” shares Gabriel.

 But what they didn’t account for was how cold it was. Although they decided to stay at Riverside rather than at Irvine because the rent was way cheaper there, Josephine still had to walk a mile to and from the university. Jo didn’t have a coat with her. So, they had to buy one for her. Gabriel, on the other hand, had to take the long commute to his university, rising as early as 5 a.m. for the 55-mile trip to Irvine.

Halfway through Josephine’s assistantship, she got pregnant with their daughter Ysabelle. So, they had to buy things. “We had to buy stuff that we wouldn’t have probably bought. We saw this comforter. It was hand-painted, ang ganda. When we looked at the price, ang mahal. That time, we were struggling. We would make do with how much savings we had,” says Gabriel.

Josephine enthuses: “But those were actually our best years together because we never had anything except each other.”

Then, another challenge was thrown at them. During the first semester, Gabriel had to undergo surgery. “I needed surgery but it wasn’t covered by insurance. We had to look at how much money we had. We had almost none and we knew we probably had to go home after that surgery,” recounts Gabriel.

But fate must have intervened. Since the surgery was necessary as a result of a complication, it would be covered by the insurance after all. Then, one of Josephine’s professors found out about their situation and offered her a job as a teaching assistant, which helped them to survive. Then, one by one, things began to fall into place.

While the couple contemplated returning to the Philippines, the Asian financial crisis in the late 1990s upended their plan. There was a noticeable drop in the job offers awaiting them back home. They decided to stay and try their luck. Good thing, Gabriel was offered a teaching job at the University of Houston-Victoria. And so, his career in American academia began.

With all vigor and passion, he taught marketing in Texas. And soon, the administrators noticed his energy and leadership skills; they offered him another job, as head of the university’s new office of institutional research.

After four years, the couple moved from Texas to Arkansas where Gabriel was offered a more lucrative teaching job at the Arkansas Tech University. He worked there as a professor in the business school and as associate vice president of academic affairs. Meantime, Josephine worked as senior analyst at AllTel Corporation, one of the leading US wireless telecommunications network operators.

At the turn of the century, Gabriel found himself working as dean of the College of Business at the University of Central Arkansas. Within 18 months, he became the provost.

In August 2007, an offer came for Gabriel to become the provost of Seton Hall University in New Jersey. At first, he was hesitant. He had been teaching in the public higher education system for the longest time. But Josephine talked him into it. “I told him, give it a try. Luckily, he listened. We never expected him to become the president because there is a law that states only Catholic priests are qualified to head the university,” Josephine says.

Indeed, hard work earns great honor.  And greater responsibility.  These days, Gabriel is busy shaping the vision of Seton Hall’s future, with Josephine supporting him by working as a senior adviser for institutional advancement. Their daughter, Ysabelle, is also close to home, being a junior pre-med student at Seton Hall University.

ON BEING PARENTS TO YSABELLE

He said: Ysabelle is a good child. She doesn’t need any. She can be who she wants to be. We want to see her happy.

She said: He spoils her crazy. I discipline her. I usually take away her privileges and have long talks with her. We choose smaller places which have values close to Filipino values.

ON DINING 

He said: When we visited the Philippines with my colleague, we would pass by an area and I would blurt out, “Jo and I used to eat in that restaurant. They have this great dish we love to eat.” Every time, we pass by a place, I would say that same lines. Then, my colleague commented, “I never realized that all you and Jo did in the Philippines was eat.”

She said: I had to learn how to cook in the US. I had to because I’m married to someone who loves to eat. He does breakfast. He always finds time to do that, especially on Saturdays. He makes great pancakes.

He said: Jo is my best friend. I have known her for 32 years now, and we’ve been married for 26 years. We have our share of ups and downs. We agree. We disagree. We have our similarities and differences. But that is part of the relationship, that is what makes our relationship strong. But the secret to a lasting marriage, two words: “Yes, Ma’am!” It should be a give-and-take relationship.

She said: He once told me that when we would be reincarnated, I should be the man, and he, the woman. Para ako naman daw ang “Yes, Ma’am.” But we really work well together. I’ve never seen someone like him who has no ego at all. He respects me as a person. He values my opinions. He is tolerant. Above all, he taught me unconditional love.