It’s true. Kids today are different from what we were before. “My grade 1 students already have crushes!” reveals Pinky Dio, a grade school teacher at St. Helena School in Taguig. “Up to 2010, I have never experienced this in my classes. My students now are very vocal about it! Sometimes, in the middle of class, someone will blurt out, that this girl has a crush on that boy, and I could see that the parties mentioned are tickled pink about it!”

This, of course, was to my chagrin, as one of my boys is in her class. “The usual target is this cute little boy in my class. After the pronouncement was made, I could visibly see the kilig reactions from the rest of the students.” (I would ask my sons about their crushes, and would sigh in relief when they all say they have none.) What about the reactions of other moms? “When we have class parties for birthdays, I tell them about it, and they just smile,” she says. At birthday parties, she would ask the class to kiss and hug the celebrator, and yes, at their age, she says, there are already girls who do not want to kiss their crush.  “May malisya na,” she sighs.

She adds that the seeds are often planted by what they see on TV. “My Grade 1 students are really ga-ga over the telenovelas, and even though I tell them to avoid watching on school days, they still do. They even report to me the latest developments and kilig moments of their favorite characters. I could really see the excited look on their faces when they talk about the show.”

She actually asks her own eight-year-old daughter to cover her eyes when there are kissing scenes. With her students, she uses these informal talks as a teaching opportunity. “I ask them, ‘hindi ba, nagalit yung magulang ni Mikay nung nalaman nila yung tungkol kay Gino? Kasi bata pa sila. Dapat mag-aral daw muna.’”

This early exposure to love teams and love themes has led to kids, as early as grade 6, having boyfriends and girlfriends – something kept secret from the parents, of course. “When we saw this happening to a couple in one of our classes, we tried to intervene. We found out that they would tell their parents that they have practice somewhere, but in reality, were just going to meet somewhere. By the time the parents stepped in and tried to separate them, the girl was already in the throes of a heartbreak, over their Romeo and Juliet relationship. She lost her focus on her studies.”   

The first to know

This is not only in telenovelas—which my kids don’t watch. Even in their favorite cartoons, characters are bitten by the love bug, like Phineas and Ferb’s Candace who moons over her boyfriend Jeremy. Since it sounds inevitable that these lovey-dovey thoughts will happen at a younger age than in my generation, I want to be the first to know.

To become your child’s confidante requires a lot of work and some sneaky tactics. Here are some tips to ensure that you will be in the loop when the time comes.

1. Be involved from the very beginning. 

Spend time with your child by finding activities you can do together, like playing with him or simply watching TV shows that he likes. This will give him the opportunity to open up to you, and when he does, make sure the you give your full attention. Moments spent listening to him prattling about Barney or the Wiggles will give him the feeling that he will have a ready ear for whatever comes up in the future.  

2. Develop your child’s trust. 

When you make a promise to keep something a secret, please do so. There are moms who broadcast events like their daughter’s first bra or period, or that their son has had his circumcision. Teacher Pinky says this will hinder further disclosures, as the child will feel embarrassed that something so personal will be known by all. If you make a promise, even a simple one, keep it. On that note, do not make promises that you have no intention of fulfilling. 

3. Keep calm.  

If you are very strict you are with your child, there is a bigger tendency to rebel. If your child feels that he will be scolded over the smallest things, he will start keeping secrets from you.

4. Make your home open country.

Teacher Pinky advises inviting friends over from time to time. Make an effort to meet your child’s peer group. Yes, it can be a sneaky way to keep tabs on him, but it would be better to know what kind of people your child hangs out with. This will give you props for being a “cool mom”, and will make not only your child but his friends more comfortable talking around you.

Handling heartbreak

The first heartbreak can be a toughie, especially when you are faced with a child who has not even reached his teens. If you have had the prudence to develop a healthy relationship with your child, it will be much easier to talk things through, says Teacher Pinky.

To show that it is not the end of the world that the crush has not reciprocated the feelings, talk about your own experiences and how you handled them. Help your child “move on” by offering activities that he enjoys, like going to the movies, or eating out. He could have difficulty focusing on school work, so some study time together may be in order as well.

Don’t’ nag or harp about it but be ready to listen. You don’t need to hover like a helicopter over him, but it will be a great comfort for the child to know that you are there for support.