Fr. Bel R San Luis, S V D
THERE’S an article written by Amy Laboda entitled “How to Heal a Family Feud” which I find very Christian, worth sharing and emulating.
Ms. Laboda relates the following story: Before Jean Haley’s father passed away in 1990, he divided his estate unevenly among his grandchildren, with his favorite, Lisa, getting the lion’s share.
* * *
The mother Jean urged Lisa to redistribute the money equally among her four siblings, but her daughter balked. Lisa, a 34-yearold student nurse with an unemployed husband and two young children, told her mother she really needed the money.
Jean reacted harshly. She was so angry that she stopped initiating any contact with her daughter.
* * *
Since Lisa lived only a few kilometers away from her mother’s home, she dropped by to try to make amends. Jean didn’t want anything to do with her. Over the next several weeks the daughter’s phone calls were met with stony silence. The separation was painful for Lisa.
* * *
She and her mother had always been close; they shared a love of gardening, and her kids loved their grandmother.
After months of minimal contact, Jean surprised Lisa by calling her one day to talk about gardening. Lisa’s pleasure at hearing her mother’s voice quickly smothered any anger she had been feeling because of the separation. "I had missed her so badly," she recalls.
* * *
Instead of discussing their feud, the two worked constructively with their emotions to begin mending their relationship. That step was essential to resolving the disagreement, according to Neil Katz, director of the Program in Nonviolent Conflict and Change at Syracuse University. "Several pieces need to come together for healing to start," he says. "The first two are a dissatisfaction with the status quo and a willingness to change."
* * *
The mother’s phone to Lisa, which restored the broken relationship, became possible because of Lisa’s continuing involvement with the rest of the family. When one of her brothers had legal problems, Lisa found him a lawyer. Next, she helped with child care when a sister was going through marital problems. Word of her selflessness got back to the mother. The icy rings of coldness in the heart of the mother thawed.
* * *
Resolving a painful family feud can take a roundabout way like in Lisa’s case and requires a thick skin and dogged determination. The effort and the healing can take years.
What’s important is the desire to RECONNECT, to RECONCILE. For Lisa, it paid off.
Coming back from a family reunion, Lisa proudly displays a photo taken at the gathering. In it she’s standing beside her mother smiling – with their arms wrapped around each other.
* * *
Our Lord Jesus had always taught the lesson of forgiveness and reconciliation. To Simon Peter who asked, "How often should I forgive my brother, 7 times?"
Jesus reply was: "No, not seven times but 70 times 7!" Meaning, forgiveness has no limits. Read Matthew 18:21-35.
This teaching must be very important because He added, "Unless you forgive your brother, your Father in heaven will not forgive you either" (Mt 18:35).
* * *
There will always be misunderstandings, rifts and conflicts in the family, in workplaces and communities. The cause could be an insulting remark, a forgotten loan, physical or verbal abuse (especially among married couples), an injustice done.
Unless we are willing to extend a hand of reconciliation – and heed the Lord’s words – we won’t be able to experience peace, joy and yes, even the heavenly Father’s forgiveness. Think about that.
* * *
GOOD SAMARITANS, ANYONE? Mrs. Tess Remoquillo of Muntinlupa City is appealing for financial assistance for her 23-year-old son Cristopher who is recuperating from TB of the liver at the Philippine General Hospital.
The poor parents are told that unless they pay for the professional fee of
R21,500, their son will not be discharged from said hospital.
* * *
Mrs. Remoquillo is worried over the son’s protracted stay since their expenses are piling up.
Cristopher’s father is a tricycle driver and Mrs. Remoquillo is just a laundry woman.
This is to appeal to Good Samaritans to help alleviate the suffering of this less fortunate family.
* * *
Any amount will be highly appreciated.
You may send your financial help payable to me and I will hand it to Mrs. Remoquillo: Fr. Bel San Luis, SVD, 1420 J.P. Laurel St., San Miguel, Mla. Tel No. 735-9176. E-mail: irsl@pronet.ph.
