Now I am in my late 20s, irreparably jaded and a virgin... I’ve been wanting to have a boyfriend to add normalcy in my life. I even thought of succumbing to online romance just so that I could claim that I have experienced romance. When I look back and think of the men who dared break my cold veneer and apathy, I regret the things I’ve done, or it’s more apt to say I regret the things I haven’t done... I remember Chico saying that the "rejects of yesterday is the one that got away today". That is the best quote that sums up my feelings. I know that it’s futile to dwell on the past but during my "not so sane moments" when I reach the point that I am willing to take drastic steps to force romance into my life, I can’t help but think of the one that got away.

I know you guys understand that there are moments when people would just forget his principle to have someone in his life. Sometimes it’s better to be lonely with someone than to be desolate alone... As I am writing this letter, I prefer the latter than the former. I know I pride myself for being a principled individual who has set such high standard on love, work, etc. However, when I see a couple walking together after a gruelling day, I just wish I would be just like anybody who could easily love. I do not want to be a mere observer in this life! I want to be an active participant. At the ebb of sanity, I thought of getting together with someone - on-line romance, saying "yes" to a friend’s proposal or succumbing to an illicit affair. Anything to add spice on my sterile life.

I know these are dangerous paths to trail but guys I have spent the rest of my life exemplifying the virtue of a saint. I know I need a life. I know everybody reaches this crossroad. It’s either I trail this road and see where it would lead me or be safe at home and never know what life really is... It seems juvenile for a person my age but I am so confused...Morning Rusher

But hard as it may to believe, a person’s love life is just one aspect of many of a person’s life. There’s also your career, your family, your spirituality, your sexuality, your politics, your music, your art, your sports, and so on, that beg for your attention. But I have been every bit as guilty of zeroing in on just one aspect, the one aspect I’ve always felt I was denied — the love life.

I remember Jim Carrey saying once that the absence of one thing tends to negate the presence of many. It’s a pity, because though the other aspects of my life were overflowing with abundance, I would mope and sulk and whine and gripe all day about not having anyone living in the house of my romantic love. And just like you, I have explored the many corners of the virtual and actual world, looking for love in all the wrong places. I too, have entertained the prospect of just getting it on with the first person who shows a modicum of interest in me, and to hell with the rest of my life, should it be adversely affected by the aforementioned decision. I would have paid any price just to quench my unassailable thirst for a romantic partner.

All I can say now is, thank the merciful heavens that I was spared such a catastrophic "the rest of my life". It took me about three disastrous relationships (imagined or otherwise) to realize that being with the wrong people, for the wrong reasons, is the wrong way to go. It took me day after agonizing day of being with either someone I loved but who didn’t love me back, or someone who did love me but whom I had the wrong kind of feelings for, to realize that suffering in eternal solitude is a walk in the park compared to that.

I told myself that true, it would be nice to have someone to hold on a cold, dark, lonely night, but being alone does NOT kill, despite protestations from romance novel writers and 30-plus-yearold radio announcers. And besides, married life is not as blissful as singletons romanticize it to be. There are as many married people who wished they were single as there are single people who wished they were married. Remember, the grass is always greener in the organic garden. Different creatures thrive in different seasons. Some species specialize in life during the warm summer months, while some revel in the gelid temperatures of winter.

So stop obsessing and start living! If you can’t figure out how to fix the roof, then go mow the lawn, or unclog the plumbing, or put on a fresh coat on that peeling paint in the living room. There are so many rooms in your house, so go fix whatever you can. If finding a romantic partner proves too heartbreaking, then give it a rest. Trust me, I know of which I speak. I have found some of the most interesting things in my life, just when I wasn’t looking.

One thing you have to do for yourself is this — take it easy and lighten up. Don’t take it too seriously. I’m not saying play around, I’m just saying don’t put too much pressure on meeting someone and getting into a relationship because that will take all the fun out of it. It will put too much strain on the most whimsical and unpredictable part of life which is love. You have to let it flow. Many people say don’t look for it, it will find you. And I have to agree with that. All that you can do is be available and be open so that when that someone comes along you can see the opportunity and be wise enough to take it.

Go to parties. Try to meet new people. Talk with people beyond your circle of friends. Have fun. Life is too short to spend it pining for someone to love but keeping yourself all locked up in your room. My advice is not so much how to find love but how to enjoy life. To enjoy life is to be open to it. It doesn’t mean throw caution to the wind. It means finding other things to be interested in. Life is not just about love and finding a mate. There are other things. I know that we long for companionship and I certainly don’t mean to suggest that you put that item at the end of your list.

I’m just saying that if you want to experience life, which includes having your lovelife department busy as well, you have to change your whole perspective in life. Love is just a part of life. You have to be happy in other the other aspects of your life, too like in friendships, family, career, etc. If you put too much premium on love thinking that it’s the panacea for your loneliness, it might crack under so much pressure. Instead of it growing when you finally do meet someone, you might end up destroying it. Then you will so much more depressed if it doesn’t work.

Love is not meant to be the only thing that we live for. There ARE other things. Life is a buffet. Fill your plate with as many dishes that you can find on the table.

Open up a bit. Let things happen to you. Open up your mind and other parts of your life will follow. Maybe then love will find it easier to come in when you embrace life with open arms.