Natanggal ka sa trabaho at may nagtanong sa iyong kaopisina mo kung bakit maaga kang uuwi…

Kumakain ka ng manggang hilaw at may nagtanong sa iyo kung maasim…

Nahulog ka sa hagdan at may nagtanong sa iyo kung ano ang nangyari…

Yung bago nyong anak ni misis ay kamukha ng family driver.

Pages from a Gary Lising book? No, these comedic gems happen to be snippets from the award-winning blog of   Nicanor David, more popularly known hereabouts as Batjay. His site’s prominence has spread mainly through word of mouth. Smitten readers (including this writer) all agree that you go through Batjay’s blog if you’re having a bad day and you want a laugh because this guy will surely empathize with you with his irreverent observations on human behavior and down-to-earth language, dished out in witty, hilarious fashion.

The Singapore-based Batjay  happens to be one of the most prolific bloggers in Pinoy cyberspace judging from the five blogs he actively maintains. His main blog is Kwentong Tambay ng  Sira-Ulo sa Singapore which could be found at http://kwentongtambay.nicanordavid.com. This is where he writes all his raves and rants, including his disdain for “anghit” (bodily smell) and people who wear turtlenecks and leather jackets at the height of summer. Prudes are also forewarned to take his humorous jabs at human sexuality with a grain of salt. We especially love his “Dear Unkyel Batjay” series where he pretends to be an advice counselor and his “Snappy Answers to Stupid Foreigners’ Questions” which we presume are true on some points, Batjay being a  bona fide OFW.

He can also take credit  for being one of the few Pinoys with an audio blog via http://www.nicanordavid.com/awit which is a collection of cover songs he has recorded. Is it true that he was formerly a folk singer of Ma Mon Luk? Find out for yourself. His remaining blogs deal with his poetry, his “1001 lives” (featuring funny photos of who else but… himself) and “Where in the World Is Spiderman?” a well-patronized site of the travels of his Spiderman doll around the world.

Judging from all of these, we can only presume that this blogger is an artist through and through. Of course, it is also worth mentioning that Batjay is a loyal,loving husband to  Jet who is an established blogger herself (making them a good example of “He Blogs, She Blogs.”)

“When I was named Blogger of the Year in last year’s Philippine Blog Awards, I was so happy that I peed in my pants. My wife wasn’t able to talk to me for three days because I had this perpetual smile on my face that wouldn’t go away. But then on the fourth day, she told me to take out the trash and that was the end of my euphoria.” Here are more excerpts of Blog-O-Rama’s conversations with Batjay, the Cowboy:

Q. Did you ever dream that you would become a blogger by avocation one day?

A. When I started by blog in 2001, it just came naturally. I just moved to Singapore and was very homesick. I needed an outlet to pour out my misery, so to speak. Perhaps, in way I was looking for something to do that would remind me of being a Filipino in this strange land. I also wanted to chronicle my life as an OFW. Everything that was happening to me was new and it was nice to write everything down. But most of all, my blog became my sanity check. I needed something to do to make me forget that I was miles away from the people I love.

Q. Were you the one who taught your wife how to blog? Did you influence her in any way?

A. When I started to blog, I kept it a secret to everyone for a year. The romantic part of my brain kept saying – "keep this journal so that you'll have something for your loved ones to read when you die". But after a year, I said – "what the heck" and showed what I wrote to my wife. She loved the idea of the online blog and asked me to create one for her. She has never looked back ever since. My wife is a better writer than I can ever be. She really has the gift. You can read her blog at http://jetdavid.pansitan.net/.

Q. Can you give us some technical details about your blog?

A.  I use Movable Type Version 3.14 for my personal blog – I've started with blogger.com in 2001. Then I moved to MT two years ago. I loved the features and have stayed with it. However, we use Word Press over at the Blogkadahan.Com site which I host. Both are great software blogging tools and would be my recommendation to somebody starting a blog site.  Yuga's Ploghost hosts my site. I have a 1GB server with 30GB of bandwidth. My blog template was designed by my good friend, Ate Sienna. Her Manilena.Com site provides free templates. The image on the top of my site was created by my other good friend Dengcoy Miel. He works for the Singapore Straits Times and is a world famous editorial cartoonist.  Both of these great guys, I have met through blogging. Isn't blogging great? According to Site Meter, I get 300 visits per day on average. It translates to around 630 page views a day. Not bad for a blog written in Pilipino.

Q. Can you tell us something about your work?

A.  There is a little known branch of engineering called Instrumentation and Control. This is the industry where I belong - I am an Instrument Engineer by profession. I don't repair guitars though. I work in a regional office for a software vendor in Singapore. Our software makes it possible for factories to run by remote control. As a Regional Support Engineer, my job takes me to the different countries in the Asia-Pacific region – I visit customers and make sure that their needs are addressed – i.e. that their software runs properly. I love my job. It allows me to visit places I've never would go to if I were given the chance. Just last week, I was in India. During a break in my work, we had the chance to visit the Taj Mahal. I am an accidental tourist.

Q. Who is your favorite comedian?

A.  I love Letterman and Leno, Seinfeld, Drew Carry and Ray Romano. But I also love Rollie Kawai (short for Kamoteng Hawaii). He used to tell all this funny stories at our local tambayan when I was growing up. He really cracked me up and I told myself – If I could just be half as funny as him, I'd have many girlfriends.

Q. There are the so-called techno bloggers and  you come from the tech industry yourself. How come you don't blog much about tech stuff? Just curious.

A. I come from a really high tech industry and the last thing I would do is write about technology. I have so much of it at work, why would I let it possess my personal space? I admire techno blogs though but I would not even attempt to write about technology. It will make me crazy, I'm sure of it. Well yes, I am already crazy but you know what I mean.

Q. So I heard that in Singapore, students blog as early as when they’re in grade school? Do you think the Philippines can catch up in this aspect?

A. There are a lot of young Singaporean bloggers. In fact there are a lot of people who use computers at a young age. The main reason is that most households have computers and it is cheap to get broadband at home. This is all you need if you want to start a blog at any age. We'll get to Singapore's levels (percentage of computer users with respect to total population) someday - hopefully sooner rather than later.  There is that poverty problem to solve first though and that may take some time.

Q. From your observations of our cyberspace, how would you describe the typical Pinoy blogger?

A. Hmm… tough question. There are two types of Pinoy bloggers. First, there's the one who always writes about the fact that they have nothing to write about. You'd easily find them because they start their blogs with – "today, I have nothing to say because nothing happened to me…" Avoid these blogs at all cost because they will make your head ache. But then there's the really good Pinoy blogger who makes the most mundane activity sound like it was the best thing since sliced bread. These are the types of blogs to read (and imitate). The moral lesson is – to always make what you write interesting.

Q. What’s the best thing that blogging has brought you since you started?

A.  It has made me famous and girls line up outside my apartment door everyday so that they can get a chance to steal my underwear. Aray, biro lang mylab. Someday, I'll make my blog into a book and so I can be both famous AND rich. I also have more friends now. I've met a lot of people through blogging that under normal circumstances, would not even consider meeting. That's really good for me because now I have a lot more people to borrow money from.

Q. Have you received some indecent proposals as a result of your blogging? What memorable reactions have you received from your readers about your blog?

A. As a matter of fact there's this gay guy who always visits my blog and gives me indecent proposals. I don't know why – I guess they can guess my penis size from the way I write. I also get a lot of comments from demented readers. I lot of them either use really colorful language or refer to certain parts of my anatomy. But I don't care. I get a lot more really good comments from great people so I don't mind them. I take both the good and the bad that blogging gives.

Q. In your opinion, where is blogging headed in the Philippines in the next few years?

A. It will grow even more in the next one to two years. More people will get into it and then it will go to a steady state where the persistent bloggers will stay. The bloggers who will remain are those people who don’t mind sitting in front of a PC everyday trying to put their thoughts down into an entry. I pray that they will be great writers too so it will be interesting.