We still remained with each other after graduation, and although we went into different careers—I work for a public relations firm and he works at a call center—we always find time for each other, especially during birthdays and anniversaries. We both feel very fulfilled with our careers right now, and have come to know each other so well that we hardly ever fight about anything anymore. I’ve even begun to hear rumors from friends that my boyfriend is even planning to propose sometime next year.

So what’s my problem then? For the past three years or so, I’ve begun to notice that our...intellectual...pursuits have begun to change. I read Proust; he reads FHM. I like Akira Kurosawa’s films; he thinks 2 Fast 2 Furious is the best movie he’s watched. It seems like he’s changed so much since we were in college. Or maybe he has always been like this, and I was just too much in love to notice. Sometimes I think of breaking it off with him.

And what makes me feel so bad about myself for thinking those thoughts is that he’s been nothing but a good boyfriend to me—loyal, considerate and a good lover to boot. He’s never cheated on me as far as I know. He never forced me to have sex with him, and when we did do it, it was because I wanted to. He never judged me for having sex with him before marriage, in fact he was even more affectionate and loving than before.

I feel like I’m asking too much from him, but at the same time I can’t deny that I also want to talk about politics and books and not just the latest cellphone model to come out. And as dissatisfied as I am about this aspect of our relationship, I still love him very much and can’t think of being with anybody else but him.

Am I the problem, and not him? Am I just sabotaging an otherwise perfect relationship? How can I tell him about my misgivings without hurting his feelings and without causing him to end our relationship? I don’t want to end up being the bad girlfriend who breaks his heart, because he has been nothing but good to me. -Bad GF

CHICO SAYS...You’ve got a great thing going, so don’t let the smallest detail ruin everything you’ve got.

This is the curse of a relatively smooth relationship – you tend to notice the most insignificant of details. If you don’t have major problems about his fidelity or hygiene, or anything life-shattering, then you’ll find it in whatever nook or cranny of your relationship. It’s human nature, to want more even when you have enough, to feel lacking even when you have too much.

I’d like to think I’m the same as you — well-read, well-travelled, reasonably intelligent. But honestly, why would I want another me to deal with? Trust me I’ve been there, and there’s nothing more refreshing than to be with someone who hasn’t over-analyzed life to death as I have.

If I wanted good, BS-filled intellectual over-indulgence, then I’d talk to my friends and fence with them on issues like religion, politics, cloning, and lesbian strap-on sex toys. But when I get home, I’d like to be with someone simple and uncomplicated, someone I can chat about the simple things in life — like where to eat dinner or what brand of soap to buy.

I truly believe in the concept that opposites attract. Again, as limited as my experiences have been, I learned that people who were photocopies of me tended to be more of friends, while people who were very different from me held the stronger allure.

Of course I don’t mean find yourself an 8-foot tall albino wrestler with 12 toes, but find someone a little different from what you already are. Especially if you’re like me who has a healthy amount of self-loathing, you wouldn’t want someone to remind you of you.

In the end, over finding someone who is fascinating, intelligent, articulate, and rich, I’d take someone kind, loyal, nurturing and compassionate everyday and twice on Sundays.

Don’t fret about the lack of gravy when you already have the steak. What’s important is if you love him and he loves you and that you can’t see living the rest of your lives without each other. That even after the romance has faded and the sex has dwindled to a peck on the forehead, you’d still want to spend your days and weeks together in blissful everyday monotony. It may sound boring to some, but to me, it sounds like heaven.

DELAMAR SAYS...Chances are you are the one who changed. But the important thing here is not who changed or who didn’t. This is about needs, particularly, yours. I don’t think you’re being a bad girlfriend. You’re just changing and so are your needs.

The worst misconception about relationships, at least in my opinion, is that we have to be exactly alike as our partners to get along. Although I agree that we have to be to some degree similar to our partners maybe in terms of values, morals, direction, etc., or in some part of our fundamentals as people, we don’t necessarily have to be totally alike.

As long as you can meet and talk on some level and really understand and feel understood, see and feel seen by the other for who you really are then there’s nothing wrong with the relationship.

I just don’t know if this problem is something to base a break up on. I’m thinking, if this is just about wanting to talk about literature, maybe you can go join a book club and find fulfilment for that particular need there. If everything else is right in the relationship and you’re just frustrated that you can’t talk to him about some intellectual interest, then maybe this just needs to be worked on.

I don’t have to tell you that finding a man and relationship you’re describing is difficult. (Take it from a 32-year-old single woman who’s on the look out for a good catch.) If there is a way to tell him or to convey to him that you want to talk to him on a "deeper" level about other things, I think you should do it.

I would advise you to tell him straight up but with sensitivity. Don’t tell him in a way that leaves him with the impression that he’s too "mababaw" for you. Tell him in a way that shows him you want him to be with you on this particular level, too, and that there are other things you want to pursue and you want to pursue them WITH him.

If you can get started on reading a book together so that you can discuss it after, any book to just start it off, then maybe you can do that. Maybe you can tell him you need to talk about him about stuff that really matter.

The key here is to let him know your needs and give him the chance to decide if he can deliver or not. Don’t convict him of an inability to fulfill your needs without giving him the chance to prove otherwise. The way you describe him, it seems he’s a sensitive guy. Maybe he just needs to know that you have new needs now that you didn’t used to have and let him respond in a way he can and/or wants.

I agree that sometimes couples outgrow each other. Sometimes life takes us and pulls us into different directions and couples have no choice but to break up. What I am saying is that we don’t know if this is the case for you. And because you have been together for 10 years, the least you can do is find out if this is just a phase and a problem you can work on or if this is really a sign of incompatibility.

If you find out this is more than just a phase but a sign of more serious differences between the two of you then do what you feel is the right thing to do. Until then, give the guy a chance to address the problem by letting him know there is one and by letting him decide how he wants to respond to it.