I am male, 36, married but separated, with a good corporate career and a small business. I live simply, grateful and I shy away from bitterness. I am not a people-pleaser and also don’t expect to be pleased. I don’t like injustice but I choose my battles and though I have overly critical parents, I remain an obedient son. I have traveled to many countries and extensively around our country, from Aparri to Jolo island. I have written three textbooks.

I have made good and bad decisions and despite the sleepless nights, realized on hindsight that none of the worse ones turned out to be fatal. I loved to the fullest, lost, and loved again. I have mellowed down and stopped asking questions. I only put on the plate what I can eat and I only eat what I can chew. I was criticized and ridiculed: Some I fought back, some I just let go. I am happy even if I’m alone and I’ve made peace with myself a long time ago, and in the few times I’ve been ill, I talked to God, telling Him that I am ready to join Him, but only to wake up the next day, rejuvenated and thinking that my life’s mission isn’t over yet.

I reached a point where nothing excites me anymore. Having said that, I still get pressured from society to marry and rear children. I like that but I am not actively looking for a date, which my parents and siblings take against me. Well, I’d like to marry again but not for their reason. But if I wait for me to have a reason, it may not come or it may come too late. Please advise. - Kind man

CHICO SAYS...For someone who seems to be as introspective as you are, you should know by now that the concept of love and marriage on cue is not exactly a prospect for any sensible person. You can’t really force love even if you wanted to. Either it happens, or it doesn’t.

I suggest you don’t convince yourself that the time to get married is now. Trust me, you will just know that the time is right when it’s already staring you in the face.

The best you can do if you feel ready to try your luck again in the russian roulette called love, is to put yourself out there, back in the market and see if you can close a deal. Take your time and don’t feel pressured by your family, by your friends, and most of all by yourself. Nothing kills your chances of finding true love by treating it as if you have a time limit ticking away, chasing you and nipping at your heels. You might end up choosing the woman you’re with when the buzzer rings, regardless of whether you’re the right people for each other or not. And only time together as a married couple will illuminate the fact that a hurried decision has put you in a loveless marriage. And if that were the case, it’s too late to cut your losses without causing an emotional train wreck for everyone concerned.

Sorry to paint such a bleak picture, but allow me to give you the worst case scenario.

At least if you took your time, and you tied the knot only after you felt that that was the best decision at the time, then you have nothing to regret in case it fails.

You seem like a sensible man -- just the right amount of smart and heart will guide your way. I wish you the best.

DELAMAR SAYS...You’ve lived life, it sounds like. Much has happened to you and it has cost you. All those experiences -- marriage, career, travel --- you’ve done them all and it hasn’t always been happy so, you don’t get excited anymore.

You’ve learned that each new thing although exciting might actually be disappointing in the end. You’ve done the courting, the engagement, the wedding, and the family but it all ended in separation. You’ve been the newbie at work, climbed to a comfortable spot in the corporate ladder, you have a little business on the side but now you wonder if there’s anything more.

I think you may think you’ve "achieved" most of your goals but then you ask yourself why it hasn’t made you really happy. Let’s just say, you’ve been there and you’ve done all that. I’m guessing here that although you’ve matured and time has tempered you with all that’s happened to you it hasn’t been really, generally, happy.

You’ve learned to take a point of view that makes it easy for you to cope with the good and the bad things that have happened and though it has shielded you from feeling so much pain, I’m afraid it’s shielding you from feeling much happiness as well. You’ve seen life. And I think it’s not what you expected.

So, as your experience has taught you, with each new thing is a hidden disappointment or at the very least a let-down. What’s there to be excited about? Coming from a frame of mind like that, it’s no wonder the joy of living has gone away from you.

I don’t know what kind of advice to give you because I don’t know what kind of man you are aside from what your letter tells me. But I’ll tell you what works for me hoping that it might work for you too or at the very least point you to a direction that might bring you back that wonderment of life.

Whenever I have one of those "now-life-has-killed-the-dream-I-dream-moments" in my life, I always look to or look at things greater than me and my life. A religious person might call that God. A socially-aware person might call it humanity. A scientific person might call it science or nature. Another might call it a greater purpose. For some it’s parenthood, living for somebody else. Anything that is bigger than who you are, bigger than the life you’re living now. Something that has been before you and will still be there after you’ve gone. Something that will outlive you but will be for the betterment of the world you will leave behind.

Whenever I get restless with my life and I think I’m not living up to my potential, or when I’m riddled with questions about what this is all good for in the end, I try to look at my place in the great scheme of things.

Look, I’m just a radio DJ. My work will not eradicate AIDS, or fight poverty or world hunger or find a cure for cancer. However, I am content that what I do is important not just to me but to so many other people who tune in to the show (or read this column). I entertain people every morning through a radio show while people are stuck in traffic. At its most mundane, that’s what I offer.

But then I realize that what I do no matter how little has its purpose. Maybe it’s to entertain people to keep their mind off road rage. Maybe it’s to make them laugh a little. Maybe it’s to make them think about something new or think of something old in a new way. Or maybe even to help people start their day right. Whatever it is, I know that what I love to do and what I’ve been doing for the past 10 years has some purpose other than just giving me a way of earning a living.

It’s my way to express myself no matter how humiliating. It’s my way of connecting to people I might never have the chance to come across if I weren’t in this line of work. Lately, the call for me to take part in helping to save the environment is growing louder. The more I dive, the more I realize just how precious our planet is. The more I see of the Philippines, the more I am proud to be Filipino. The more I travel, the more I want to tell people how beautiful our archipelago is and how proud and protective we should be about it.

My advice is find what you’re passionate about. Find something that touches you, speaks to you, tugs at your heart strings or make your mind think. Find something that is bigger than the life you’re living now.

Life is more than just moseying along until time is up. It’s reaching for goals or achievements that we think will make us fulfilled and/or happy. It’s reaching for people we care about. It’s reaching the limits of our mind, our body and even our soul. It’s about reaching…for anything. It’s reaching for what is important to us. What that important thing is to you, you’ll have to find out for yourself.