I had just gotten out of a very serious three year and 7 month relationship. We cooled-off last May 6, the day after our 43rd month-sarry. There were a lot of reasons why he said he wanted to leave me.

First, he said he wanted time for himself because he has no job since he came home from abroad. Second, he wanted to make sure if he really wants to be with me for a lifetime and if he really does love me. And lastly, I found out that he has been addicted to chatting and has a girl textmate since December. He even admitted that they were an item for two months (March -May this year, within our 43 months, of course). He said that they have stopped texting now, but I doubt it.

I felt so betrayed at first that I even wanted to commit suicide. I was thinking of running away because I could not accept that these are all happening to me. You may think I am selfish and a coward but I cannot seem to move on anymore. Even if he did that, I still love him. There was no trace of hate nor anger. I still feel I love him more.

He was always there when my family had turbulent times (when my dad passed away in 2003 and my niece in 2005). It’s not that I got used to being with him. But without him, I cannot go on. Without him, I can’t seem to be the strong person that I should be. We were starting to build our dreams together (that was why he went to work abroad, but had to go back because he had a very unpleasant manager). I was starting to build my dreams with him, and for him.

I don’t know where to start. I don’t know how to pick up the pieces. For three years I was with him, I was able to provide for the two of us. Mostly everything. But I did not ask for anything in return. I did all that because I love him. Even if I have no love left for myself, still I gave 101 percent just for him. Just to make him happy.

We talked recently, and he said that he will come back to me but he’s not sure when. He said that of all his exes, I am the only one he would return to because he is comfortable with me. I also asked him if the two of us would be together before I leave for the States in July, and he said "siguro naman" because I had already given him enough time to think.

I am hoping that he will really come back to me. I am hoping that he really needs time for himself and that he will be loving me, more than just needing me by his side. But still there is a glimpse of doubt. I don’t know if I can trust his words. I am scared that the more time he gives to himself, he might forget about me.

Chico and Delle, I really am having a hard time accepting all of these. I would do everything just to have him back. I would give everything just to stay with him, to guide him, to be his friend and his lover. I will promise to be there for him. It may sound all selfish, but I do love him. I really am deeply in love with him.

I tried moving on... but I can’t seem to let go of him. Not hearing his voice, not one text from him and not seeing and being with him is like a thousand knives stabbing into my heart. What is there to do? Should I wait for him? I am really trying to help myself, but I love being with him and having him with me, more than needing him in life. I really do love him. Please help. Thank you! - Clueless and Confused Girl -

CHICO SAYS...Reading the way you expressed your feelings, I’m very fearful for your physical and emotional well-being. You seem to be unraveling at the edges and I’m not sure this relationship is good for you at all.

First, he cheated on you and basically told you he’s not sure if you’re the one for him. He takes his sweet time choosing among new prospects and old flames then throws you a bone by saying he’d choose you among all his exes but refuses to commit to anything.

On your part, you fall apart completely without him, you wield words like suicide with abandon, you basically negated the worth of everything in your life by saying life isn’t worth it without him, and for me, worst of all, you would stop at nothing to have him back in your life after all that.

Honestly, I’m not even sure you should take him back even if he were to come back on his hands and knees. I don’t doubt for a minute the intense love you have for this man, but would you so easily entrust your ever after to someone who so easily hurt you, left you, and rebuffed you? Even if he comes back, what makes you think he won’t do this to you again?

The quick fix for your pain is for him to come back to you, but that would be like putting a band-aid on a shotgun wound. What I wish you could weigh are the long term effects of your future decisions.

But this relationship aside, I suggest you ease up on the emotional investment you put into your love life. Love is just one aspect among many in your life. There is your God, your family, your friends, your career, your community, your environment, among others. By saying you can’t go on without this guy, you just betrayed that nothing else has value in your life.

You should be like a plane with multiple engines; Even when one fails, the others should be enough to keep you airborne. I’m not belittling your great love for this guy, I’m just saying try not to magnify it more than you should. You say you can’t move on without him? Maybe you won’t have to in case you get back together. But should the split be permanent, it would be an insult to your Creator for you to say that life no longer matters without him. A slap in the face.

DELAMAR SAYS...I’m sorry but I do not believe you CAN’T move on without your ex, or that you CAN’T forget him, or that you CAN’T live without him. It’s not a case of impossibility. This is a case of not wanting to.

I was in the same spot as you when I was younger and had my first boyfriend. Like your situation we had been together for almost three years. He was everything to me. I loved him dearly. And then just out of the blue he said he wanted time off. Like in your case, he said he needed time for himself. Like your ex, he said he would come back and we would be together.

Well, guess what? He didn’t. Did my life stop? Did I die? Nope. I was able to get over him. I was able to do things for me. I was able to put that behind me and let it go because it wasn’t for me.

The truth is, this line that your ex told you? Well, that’s a line men use when they don’t want to hurt you all the way when they’re breaking up with you. They also say that line just in case things don’t work out with the other girl they have a safety net. And I don’t know about you, but that just doesn’t sound right.

First of all, there is a wrongdoing here. He probably cheated on you with this chatmate he had for a few months. If he pursued this girl while you were together then he cheated on you.

Second of all, if he says he will come back what are you supposed to do? Put your life on hold? Not hurt while he’s loving someone else? Whether or not he is serious with the other girl he is putting your relationship at risk and he is hurting you. Ask yourself if this is what a man who loves you will do to you and your relationship.

Also, let me just tell you that the concept of giving everything for the one you love is just crap. I’m so sorry for the strong language but it is the most apt. Why do we think that if we neglect ourselves it is better for the relationship? That’s a myth. A real healthy relationship is one that nurtures both people in it, their needs, dreams, and wants. You’re both supposed to love each other, give to each other, be considerate of each other. If he’s not doing his share there’s something wrong in this equation. Ask yourself, what did he give you? How much did he give to you and your relationship? Was he giving as much as he was taking? Is he cherishing you and your relationship by what he’s doing?

Honestly, I don’t think so. It doesn’t show that he loves you as much as you may love him.

So, here goes my advice: Don’t say you can’t get over him. Say you will. Get over this guy who is not thinking of anyone except himself. Do the same for yourself. Think about what will be good for you, think about the kind of relationship you deserve for what you’re willing to give, think about a man who will cherish you as much as you cherish him, a man who will truly give of himself to you.

This guy’s not worth your time. Look ahead. Don’t be afraid. Something’s bound to be better than this. That you have to choose to believe in.