I love my mother dearly, I mean, who doesn’t? She raised my autistic brother and me all by herself, when my father died when I was 12. She’s always managed to come up with the money and the resources to keep my education going and my brother’s special needs met.

I’ve always admired her management skills, which perhaps influenced my decision to take up a business course that eventually helped me to establish the business that I now run today. Even up to today, I keep in mind the little bits of advice that she used to hand down to me everytime I encounter a snag in my daily affairs.

But no matter how much I love her, I also have to come to terms with the fact that time has finally taken its toll on her. She’s already 69 years old, and while some people still function well at that age, my mother is already having bouts of senility, often forgetting where she is and even my and my brother’s names.

This wouldn’t be a problem — I’d be happy to take care of her — but my mother refuses to let go of certain financial and legal matters that, as much as it pains me to admit it, she no longer has the capacity to manage. I’m afraid that it’s only a matter of time before she takes part in some financial or legal agreement that will be taking unfair advantage of her and the family that she’s worked so hard to support.

How do I convince my mother that it’s time to let go? How do I lead her out to pasture, so to speak, without offending her? As much as I admire her confidence and her perseverance, time has just gotten the better of her. —Neil—

CHICO SAYS... Your mother sounds like a very smart woman. The only way to honor her intelligence is, to a degree, to trust that she will understand what needs to be done, when pointed out, not with cold objectivity, but with a lot of warm compassion.

Talk to her during her lucid moments and tell her how she forgot where she was or how she didn’t recognize you or your brother, then bring up your concerns regarding the business. Lead her to the idea that maybe she should relinquish some of her duties in the company, not because she’s incapable or inutile, but only because vultures might take advantage of the moment’s weakness and prey on her during one of her spells. Leave her to do other things or put her in a position where she can cause the least damage to the business or herself. Make her feel though that she is still needed, that she is still a great asset to the company, but make her realize that she also needs to rest a little bit more and she could start with this.

As a person gets older, the fear of losing significance in your family or in society is a gnawing, disabling feeling. You just need to know that people still need you around, that there’s still a place for you in the scheme of things.

There is such a thing as filing a petition for guardianship of the person or estate of the incompetent, basically for the protection of those who, for whatever reason, whether by age or disease, cannot take care of themselves or manage their property on their own. The guardian does this not for his own benefit, but for the benefit of the incompetent person. You can do this even if they still have lucid moments.

The point is, there are spells during which they can be exploited by deceitful entities who want to take advantage of the situation. It’s better if you can get her to sign off herself from the business, but if because of her condition she refuses, you can file the petition and let the court determine, based on evidence you provide, if your mother is indeed incompetent and therefore in need of intervention.

But of course you will have to endure countless rumors and disapproving whispers and "tsk-tsking" from family and friends. Be prepared to be called a money-hungry wolf who’s pouncing on your mom’s fortune against her will. That’s why it’s better if you can get her to concede willingly rather than go through the uglier process of going through the courts.

But technically, the filing for guardianship is for the benefit of your mom and her property more than anyone else’s. But of course, just like anything in this world, this is open to abuse and misuse. So tread carefully on this decision. Think about it and if you truly want to do the right thing, always put your mother’s well-being first and foremost, above all else, before you let the axe fall.

DELAMAR SAYS.... If your mother is the type of person who cannot be dealt with through a very direct, straight-up approach then it might be time to use some indirect methods.

One idea is for you to recount to her someone else’s experience of losing a contract or the business altogether because someone over looked or missed something. You could also use an almost similar case if you have to.

The idea is for her to draw the same conclusion as you did without having to force her into it. In other words, it’s the approach that doesn’t push her to do something you want but more of her doing something on her own. I think most parents have problems being told what to do by their children regardless if it is right or wrong.

You could also use guilt. Paint her different scenarios where you lose the business or a contract. It doesn’t have to be just because of her but any circumstance that lead you to lose the business. You could use the complexity of technology (such as the Internet or some computer programs needed in your business) or the different techniques used by younger people in your business. This will just push her into acknowledging that these are different times and it might be better to give up some of the responsibilities to the young who know more about the newest things. Paint for her the worst-case scenario and tell her you don’t know what you and your brother would do if you were to lose the business because it is your main source of living.

Lastly, you could entice her to retire. Maybe encourage her to take a vacation or maybe take up some hobbies so that she can finally start doing things that she likes. Let’s just hope she likes these new activities more than she likes running the business.

If all else fails, I’d try the direct approach. Tell her exactly what your concerns are and that you don’t mean to undermine her but it is in the best interest of the business and everyone in your family for her to give up some of the crucial responsibilities. Tell her you fear she might miss something and that might end up with you losing the business altogether. Then hit her with truth that your family depends on this business and you all should do everything to make sure you never put it at risk. If it’s her business, she has to know all the facts on the table so that she can make an informed decision. I just hope she is the type of person who can take a direct approach from a child who has only the best intentions for the family business. Well, you know your own mother. You should know how to speak and listen to her. Good luck!