Then one day, I think it was in 2004, I went to my friend's house and I saw my friend and my ex-boyfriend doing some "harutan". I was so shocked. I didn’t know how to react, because he was supposed to be in the States during that time. Second, my bestfriend didn’t even tell me that they were still communicating. She always tells me that the two of them are no longer talking.

I was so mad then. All through that time I believed that there was something going on between them. I felt betrayed by my best friend. But then I found a new boyfriend and he was the one who convinced my best friend and I to talk. I forgave her. Then she even told me that no man can ruin our friendship (we’ve been friends since childhood). Since then, I’ve been single again and my best friend got herself a new boyfriend.

Last Aug.1, I was so shocked when my ex-boyfriend called me. He greeted me on my birthday, apparently he got my number from my bestfriend. We talked and it’s weird, because I think I still have feelings for him. He admitted that he feels the same way, but he didn’t want to pursue a relationship now because of the distance between us.

One day I asked him why we couldn’t give it a try, and he said he doesn’t want to see me hurt anymore, even if we both feel the same way. I even asked him if he likes my best friend, and he said no. He just wants to be friends with her and that he loves me.

Until one day, an unexpected thing happened. I saw one message of my friend to him dated Oct. 2005 where my best friend asked him for his contact information, and even promised to dump her own boyfriend because, according to her, my ex-boyfriend was her "only love".

Please give some advice. Do you think he still loves me? Is there any possibility he’ll come back? Do you think my best friend still loves him?

-CONFUSED-

CHICO SAYS... Your code name is perfect for your situation because all three people involved can’t seem to figure out what they want in this life. Your friend seduces your ex behind your back then does a song and dance about how no man can drive a wedge into your solid friendship. There seems to be a large discrepancy between what she says and what she does. She gets a boyfriend then tells your ex that she’ll dump her current just so she could hook up with him.

On the other hand, your ex says he loves you and gives you an outpouring of affection, yet he refuses to get back together because he is afraid, "to hurt you again". Sorry, but this argument doesn’t make sense to me. If I loved somebody, then it is in my power if I will hurt them or not; so I will simply resolve to try to never hurt them again.

As for you, you swear off your ex and your friend and got yourself a new boyfriend, then you decide to forgive them, then now you’re slinking around looking for emotional scraps from your ex behind your boyfriend’s back! What is up with you three? You complain about your friend doing things behind your back, yet when it suits you, you’d do the same to your current boyfriend!

As to whether or not your ex still loves you, I suggest you fix your affairs first, because technically, it shouldn’t matter because you’re still in a relationship. If you’re stressing about whether or not your ex still loves you, maybe you should wrap up your relationship with your boyfriend first. This is not a state to be in while you’re still in a commitment.

As to whether or not you can still trust your friend, personally I use the forgive but not forget policy. I can forgive people who have wronged me, but I never forget that they are capable of doing certain things. If someone borrowed money and never paid it back, I can forgive him, but I’d never lend money to him again.

It’s easy to un-confuse yourselves. Take your fingers out of multiple pies, and be up-front and straightforward with your dealings with people, so you avoid colliding emotions and friendships and relationships.

DELAMAR SAYS...The fact is that you’re best friend is still lying to you after the incident with your ex. After all the confrontation and the drama she still didn’t come totally clean with you. And that worries me.

She had the chance to tell you once and for all she didn’t. She chose to conceal what she really felt, what really happened between the two of them and what she really wanted from your ex. That doesn’t show me that she respects you or your friendship.

Look, your ex is long gone and he’s told you that you guys are better off as friends. That’s the end of that possibility with him. He’s told you that you’re better off with what you have now with just being friends. Even if he says he still loves you and that you deserve a better man blah blah blah blah blah… the long and short of it all is that he doesn’t want to get back together again. Hard as it is to accept that’s the way it is.

Now, I don’t know if what’s stopping him from getting back together with you is your bestfriend and because of what they feel for each other but that doesn’t change the fact that whatever it is he still doesn’t want to get back into a relationship with you. You have to take him at his word.

If you want to really try to salvage your friendship with your best friend, she has to give you full disclosure of what happened to her and your boyfriend. Ask her again. Tell her that you saw a text message and confront her. I don’t mean for you to have a catfight or pull each other’s hair out. But you do have to come clean with everything that you both are feeling.

She has to admit to you what really happened and you have to admit to her that you still love your ex. All this lying and concealing and half truth’s is making my head ache and your friendship bogus. It’s complicating things and definitely doesn’t foster REAL friendship between the two of you.

Now if she still doesn’t admit what she did, it’s up to you if you still want to be her friend. But let me just warn you that a real friend is somebody who will tell you the truth when nobody else will.