No matter how hard I tried, I always failed in guarding my heart. I knew the consequences yet I did what I did. I could not deny my heart the opportunity to get to know her heart. Katrina’s heart. It was wrong and I failed many times in stopping it before it got the best of me. The rest you already know so… fast forward.

Katrina is a smart, pretty, talented, giving , and the most selfless person I know. It wasn’t hard to fall in love with her. But given all the givens, it sure was a challenge. After many sleepless nights of guilt and shame, I lost the battle and fell head over heals in love with her.

Now don’t forget, this was a long distance relationship. The odds of this kind of love lasting were pretty slim. Not to mention the borrowed time kind of love too. So you see, we were destined to failure. So after buckets and buckets of tears, a long distance phone bill reaching the same amount of a foreign sports car a month and many poems, haikus and songs later here we are today. Where is that you ask? Are you ready for this? I am about to use a word I have not used in a long, long time.

Katrina and I are HAPPY. That’s right, HAPPY! We paid a precious price to get here, but like I said, all this was — meant to be. What was the deciding factor? Well, like all of you we broke up, made up, broke , made up and so on and so on. Sound familiar? But the day I found out her heart belonged to someone else I lost it. I realized then how much she meant to me. I know, I know, sounds just like a man. Hello? That’s exactly what I am! That is all I am. So we decided to make a real go of things, hurting others along the way, but nevertheless getting back together.

And when we did we decided to do something Katrina had only dreamed of doing many years ago. We had a baby. A son. We had Santino! He represents all the pain and sacrifice; the good days and the bad; the love between Katrina and i. you can see it in his smile, in his laugh and when he cries. He brought us back together and will make sure we stay together. He also brought 2 families together which I have always believed coming from that same kind of environment was always – meant to be. So in which case, with Robin and Ram and the Tabuenas, Santino has brought 3 families together. He is a gift from God and his entrance and timing in our lives was – meant to be.

This Christmas will be one of , "with’s and without’s." this will be my first Christmas without my 2 heroes Robin and Ram. It’s also my first Christmas with Santino. Oh boy, the things we do to our children. I am torn and sad, but these are the consequences of the choices we make in life. Here I go with mine this Christmas. It will kill me when I am holding Santino and missing Robin and Ram at the same time. They are the best kids anyone could ever ask for. I look at them and I know there truly is a God and he loves me. If I could be half the man Robin is or have the awesome talents and genius Ram possesses I think I would be the happiest most complete man on earth. They complete me. They inspire me. And now Santino. Wow!, but of course this new challenge at Christmas is also – meant to be. Grrrrrrrrrr !

So in a chestnut shell roasting on an open fire, there you have it. My life in fast forward. I have never told anyone what I have told you today. Probably because I have always wanted this relationship with Katrina to be one different from all the rest with little hype and dirty laundry. I know it’s impossible, but can’t blame me for trying. I want to protect her and Santino, as well as Robin and Ram from the not so pretty perks that come along and are part and parcel of my world.

Just remember , If we don’t live our lives knowing without a reasonable doubt or fear that everything that happens in our life was meant to be then we will be asking ourselves too many questions too many times. Life is short. No time for inner battles and disturbing questions. It only brings on doubt. And who wants that? Ok let’s look at the score card one more time—

Katrina has been waiting for me to wake up and smell the coffee for over 11 years now, I have broken her heart at least 100 times, she keeps coming back for more at least 100 times , Robin plus Ram , family with family, love with love, past with present, future with dreams, Christmas to Christmas, hmmmm. Ah, I think the grand total amounts to — a MILLION reasons to make this second time around work… and you were there.

Now after all has been said and done, do you think we have what it takes? Can we beat the odds? Will it always be smooth sailing? Are we forever bound? I don’t know the answers to all these question. I guess maybe – if it’s meant to be ….

Merry Christmas everybody! I miss you already!