1. When expecting a new baby, involve the older child in the preparations.
"Talk to you child about how important he or she is in the care of her soon-to-be-born brother or sister," says Evelyn. "And subtly instill in them the fact that things will change around the home for good."
It follows that parents should practice proper child spacing or family planning.
2. Don’t identify yourself with just one child.
"Some parents have the tendency to ‘see themselves’ in one of their children," says Evelyn. "What happens to the child who is left out in the cold?"
She continues, "Although it is true that a child or two could be mirror images of a parent, it is not fair for the child who isn’t. Don’t give just to that ‘favorite’ child the things you didn’t get when you were a child."
It follows that parents should love their children equally, and demonstrate this love equally as well. Special preference could severely affect how a child sees his mom or dad.
3. Don’t show approval for potentially harmful behavior.
"Parents should never encourage fights between their children," says Evelyn. "For example, never cheer on your children when they play boxing with one another. This will signal your approval for a child’s lack of respect to his sibling." It follows that you must choose your children’s toys well. Educational toys or those that encourage activity (like sporty toys) and that encourage imagination (like occupation toys such as the doctor’s kit) may equalize the presence of toy guns, swords, etc.
4. Hold regular family activities.
"With today’s pace of living and economic instability, most parents need to work," says Evelyn. "And never is spending time with the family (when you can) even more important." It follows that parents need to spend equal amounts of time with each one of their children, too. Be active in shaping them. Talk and listen to them. Be their friend. Don’t leave everything to the teacher or the nanny. It was your decision to have your children, so be responsible for it.
5. Don’t make comparisons.
"Every child develops his own pace," says Evelyn. "So comparing him with his other siblings (who turn out to be better than him) will make feelings of self-loathing and resentment for his parents grow in him."
Remember when you were a child and you disliked being evaluated in relation to someone else. Your child has feelings, too. Give him his own goals that will help define him as a productive and precious individual.
It follows that you should never take the side of a child during a fight or conflict. As much as possible, let tem settle their differences. It doesn’t matter who started it. Step in, though, when there is already the danger of physical harm. "Parents should remember that they are accountable to their children now and to how they will become tomorrow," concludes Evelyn. "Ask yourself these: what was my purpose of bringing my children into this world? What do I want them to become as adults?"
|
