The diaspora of Filipinos worldwide and the advent of Internet "altered" the ways the Casanovas and the Romeos and Juliets of this Third World country look at love.

For the couples interviewed for this story, all were unanimous in saying that distance should not get in the way of a relationship. They said physical separation should not douse the flame of love but amplify it instead.

The biting realities of long-distance relationships, however, point to the difficulties of maintaining love across thousands of miles of vast oceans.

Loving is easy, but the most difficult part is sustaining it, keeping the "force" that binds couples together.

Juanito Guanzon, a psychologist, explains that the most common problem about long distance love affairs is being faithful.

"It is the most common problem of couples living apart. While being faithful is a natural expectation, sad to say that it is not realistic," she says.

Guazon says physical distance takes a toll on concepts of loyalty and faithfulness of couples. "If couples are not together for a long time, there is a tendency to look for physical intimacy from another person aside from your partner," she says.

But thanks to the power and reach of the Internet and SMS, physical distance is bridged.

Elena Gracia reveals that during the first two years of her marriage, her husband Gary was forced to leave for the United States because his petition papers from his parents had been approved.

She says the sudden departure of her husband almost drove her crazy.

"Hindi kami sanay na magkahiwalay. High school pa lang ay boyfriend ko na siya. Pero wala kaming choice kasi sayang yung opportunity for him to work there," Elena says.

The first year of separation took a toll on her health. "Nagka-severe anemia ako kasi hindi talaga ako makatulog. I was hospitalized for two months," she says.

Phone bills also piled up as Gary would call her eight times a day to check on her.

Elena says she wished she was pregnant when Gary left so she would not worry that much. She hopes to join him this year in Chicago where Gary is based.

***

Bubbly Theresa Andres, who has just broken up with her husband of two years, admits she could not sustain a long-distance love affair. "I’m a very physical person. I want to see my partner every day to feel and touch him."

Theresa says she was the one who called it quits with her ex whose name she refused to mention. "We only have one kid so I felt it would be better to leave him this early."

Pressed to reveal the reason for the split-up, Theresa said she found out through her friend in Dubai that her ex-hubby is living with a married Filipina even while they were still together.

"Kukuha rin lang ng babae may asawa pa. Ang kapal ng mukha," she groans.

***

Aling Fe’s story also has plenty of drama because Alfredo, her husband who is in Fukouka, Japan working as a mechanic, stopped sending her money last year. Alfredo has not called her since. She wrote him but her letters were returned to her.

With five kids to feed and send to school, Aling Fe was forced to see her family through the rough times by accepting laundry jobs from her neighbors.

"Nagpunta kami sa Japanese Embassy para ipa-locate siya. TNT kasi dun ang asawa ko. Mas mabuti pang nandito na lang siya na walang trabaho kesa sa paaasahin niya kami," she laments.

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Edna Ramos is not lucky as well in her long-distance relationship. She says she met Cloyd Astaire, a native of Kentucky, via the Internet. Nights and days of online chatting led to a serious relationship. In early January of last year, Cloyd proposed marriage to Edna online. She gladly accepted although she had not seen him in person.

Last November, Cloyd came here and wed Edna in Malate church. In her email to this author, Edna says she found out later that her husband is gay.

"I was surprised that there are two of us living in our house. I thought Arturo, a Mexican, was just his friend. I saw them making it out. I freaked out and ran out of the house. Cloyd pacified me and apologized. He said he loves the two of us," Edna says.

But despite her discovery, Edna says she has no plans of leaving Cloyd. "I have to make the most of my stay here. Magpapayaman na lang ako," she says.

***

Alexis is lucky in love. A self-confessed lesbian, she met Harvard-educated Sarah Connelly, on the Net. Sarah fell for her and decided to visit her last January. Alexis will join her lover next month when she goes to the US.

"We miss each other so much. But I will see her soon. We’re gonna be okay," she writes in her e-mail.

Physical intimacy

Social psychologist Anita Prameo believes that engaging in a long-distance relationship tests a person’s survival skills and, more importantly, his or her fidelity.

"With all the available communication gadgets, communication is not actually a problem. Physical intimacy is. There is no solution to that unless you see each other in the flesh. Otherwise, couples and lovers have to bear with one another," she says.

Dating.About.com, a website, provides sound pieces of advice on maintaining long-distance relationships.

Tips on maintaining ties

Meantime, the counseling center of the University of Missouri-Rolla shares tips on sustaining long-distance love affair.

· The first key to success with long-distance relationships is effective communication. It is important for both parties to be able to feel that if they need to talk or write to the other person, communication will be welcomed and met with active communication from the other. The quality of the relationship is more likely to increase if both people develop the ability to share feelings openly with each other.

· The second key to success is a demonstrated commitment to the relationship by both parties. What kind of commitment, and how serious or light it is, will be different for different couples. Being far apart can be a scary and risky endeavor for most couples, so the third and fourth keys are a willingness to take risks, and the presence of a solid and secure trust between the two people.

· Trust is so important that if it isn’t strong, you can make a conscious effort to work on it, both on your own and together. This point leads to the fifth key, independence for each person, with a healthy level of dependence upon each other. When these are present, there is a balance of power in the relationship between both people, and each person can be autonomous but still get the emotional needs met by the other person.

· The sixth key element tends to be naturally present, a mutual respect. Finally, none of these other elements can offer the relationship success if the seventh key element is not there, clear expectations on the part of both people. It is so very important that you figure out your own personal expectations of the other person and the relationship, and then discuss them with the other person so that both of you are clear or can work out differences in expectations.

· One final point about long distance relationships is that you make time together, quality time. Do things that draw the two of you closer, rather than emphasize the distance between you.