Chances are you didn’t because, like me, your parents were still part of that generation when autocratic and dictatorial parenting was thought to be the best. Part of this parenting style was not to show emotions to the children whatsoever. And so our own parents grew up cold and awkward when it comes to hugging, cuddling and saying "I love you."

Until the day my father died six years ago. That was when I felt the biggest, most painful regret over not being able to tell him I love him even for once in my life.

Eight months after my father died I gave birth to Basti, and all the love I kept inside me all my life flowed out. Elders told me not to kiss him on the lips when he was a newborn, but I couldn’t help doing so each time I saw his adorable face. My little boy grew (and is still growing) up showered with love; something which I think means more to him than any toy I could ever buy for him.

Last Mother’s Day, I woke up to a beautiful sketch he made of himself as an angel inside a heart filled with little hearts. And in the middle of this heart was a "Happy Mothers Day" (yes, spelled without an apostrophe) which he showed to me as a surprise, his eyes beaming with love.

It was amazing; the connection, the joy and the life I felt just by giving love and affection, expressing my feelings like I never did and never received before I became a mother.

Maribel Sison Dionisio, marriage and family counselor and parenting consultant from the Reintegration of Care and Wellness (RCW) Foundation, says that in order for us to have expressive and affectionate children, we have to be expressive and affectionate parents first.

"It starts with the person of the parent," says Maribel. "We have to be free from insecurities; from our resentments and anger from our family of origin."

Mariel says that fixing family issues we have should take place anytime; the sooner, the better. "This will help with your family," she says.

According to Maribel, each person has a complex that we have to know to understand why this person is such. This applies to us as parents or to our kids with whom we start having difficulty understanding. Why aren’t they affectionate? Why are they holding back?

Our reaction to a family life without affection is a decision to repeat history or to change it. Being affectionate or expressive is something that can be learned, but we have to make the decision to want it.

If we decide it as parents, then we pass on affection to our kids. If not, then we also aren’t teaching our kids to be open, expressive and affectionate.

"Take an active effort in taking a look where your child hurts so that he can love," says Maribel. "Help him unleash insecurities to make him a loving child."

This starts by being more sensitive to your child when he’s having a problem with something, be it school, friends, or anything that matters to him. "When he has a problem, he cannot love," says Maribel. We have to note, though, that having a problem can start even before school age.

Parents should always be there to listen and understand their kids. If the kids feel understood, they feel lovable and they are able to give out love.

One of the most striking points that Maribel stresses is the "investment" of two hours a day with our children.

"During the first seven to ten years of our children’s lives, if we have an 8am to 5pm type of job, we should work only until 5pm, go home, rest and spend time with our kids," she says.

Maribel adds that during these crucial years, parents should be satisfied with making a relatively minimal amount of money and spending a maximum amount of time with their children so that these children can grow confident enough.

"They need that confidence to express their feelings and affection more easily," says Maribel.

There’s no such thing as a weekend affair with our kids. We parents should really invest our time with them. "It’s like adding deposits to the love bank of each child," says Maribel. "When it’s time for you to make withdrawals, you’d be surprised to find how much love they have inside for you and for others."

These two hours per day, whether spent in whole or given by installment to our kids, give them direction, guidance and makes them feel good.

"These are crucial things in raising an expressive, loving, confident, and independent child," says Maribel.

Don’t be too much of a perfectionist with your kids. When they commit a blunder, give them the benefit of the doubt.

"Kids need their parents to be cheerleaders, not ego-busters," says Maribel, who sees autocratic and dictatorial parenthood as unhealthy.

"We should talk to our kids in a way that’s friendly and caring. Don’t disrespect them, thinking, Anak ko lang naman ‘yan, eh. I can talk to him anyway I want."

Maribel says that disrespect towards our kids damages them more than we think. "Children can remember one negative line you say about them," she says. "Don’t talk about your child to your friends as if he wasn’t there."

Our children need to feel that they are important everyday, not once a week. We have to be there to respond to their everyday needs, to catch their school story, to give them the warm hug they need when they get home.

If we treat our children this way, then having a happy, confident child who’s not afraid to be expressive and affectionate is a guarantee.