I don’t know if you guys are going to answer this letter, since I’m only 15 years old, but I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with trying, right?

You see, there’s this guy in school that I like. He’s a basketball player, friendly, and while not an academic superstar, isn’t one of those jocks who just rely on their athletic skills to get them through high school. A lot of the girls in school - including me - have a huge crush on him.

Near the end of this school year, my crush moved to another house: Right next door to mine! Over the few months that we’ve been neighbors we’ve become a lot closer, and while this gives me more time to see him than my other classmates, I’ve also had the unfortunate opportunity of discovering that he already has a girlfriend studying in another school.

That should have been the end of it, but during one summer outing with my family and his, I ended up blurting to him that I had a huge crush on him, to which he replied that he also liked me, too. He said that he wouldn’t mind hanging out a lot more with me.

But when the initial high of that revelation wore off, I remembered one important fact: He already has a girlfriend! I told him about it the next day, and told him that hanging out with me would be sort of cheating on his girlfriend. He says he doesn’t want to cheat on her either, but didn’t really answer me when I asked him where things stood between the two of us now.

At first, I decided not to do anything about it but my friends insisted that I shouldn’t let something like this pass me by. They even persuaded me to "win him over." I don’t know if I really want to do this, because I’ve met his girlfriend and she’s not only beautiful but smart as well, and I don’t really think I measure up to someone like her. You guys are much older and wiser than my friends and I. What should I do about this crazy situation? -Regina-

Chico says...

My first instinct was to write this all off as no big deal, since you guys are so young and it all smells like teen spirit. Plus, I thought that relationships, at this age, are more hormonal experimentation than it is grave commitment. So my knee-jerk reaction was not to saddle you with undue moral baggage and just tell you to go for it and try your best to steal someone else’s man, since she’ll probably bag another hunk du jour in a couple of weeks, easily.

But then I realized I was being age-ist in dismissing young love as lightweight and unsubstantial. Who is to say that 15-year-olds cannot make solid commitments with maturity that will shame many 40-year-olds? Plus, it’s never too early to make a habit of doing what’s right. You wouldn’t want some young hussy making a play for your man, would you? For the sake of argument, let’s say you succeeded in splitting them up and you got this guy for your own, wouldn’t you just be so paranoid that someone else will take him away from you?

My suggestion is to leave it for the guy to decide on. Besides, he’s the one who’s torn between two lovers. If he’s really interested in you, then he should break up with his girlfriend first.

Men in general enjoy any form of attention from the ladies. It’s an ear-candy when a pretty girl tells a guy that she likes him. Some men will keep girls like that around just to keep their egos fat and satisfied. In that case, then maybe it’s better left alone. Maybe there’s someone else out there with whom you can get into a relationship with, without necessarily leaving a trail of broken hearts in your wake.

Do what feels right. Do what doesn’t leave you with a dirty, guilty feeling. Do what you won’t have a problem telling others about. In the end, do only the things you can live with. You’ll sleep better at night.

Of course, we can argue that maybe what they share is not love of the truest kind...maybe you are "the one" for him...maybe it is you who could make him happiest, etc. And you can argue the opposite as well. Maybe he is two-timing his girlfriend...maybe he is just having fun on the side with you...maybe he is having "real" fun with you but precisely because he has no commitment with you and that will change once he has a commitment with you, etc. You can go back and forth guessing which is which but never really know why. That is until you ask him.

Yes, he has a girlfriend. Yes, you both like each other. Now what? Ask him. And then, if he answers you truthfully, you can make the best decision based on the real deal. Of course, your decision will be based on your gut feel as well if he is telling you the truth and how you really feel about him. That is the best thing you can do. Get all the facts you can get out of the situation, assess your feelings and see if this guy is just telling you what you want to hear or is he telling you the truth.

Just don’t forget two things: 1. Karma. What goes around comes around. If you pursue this guy knowing full well that he has promised his love to another, then you must also prepare that once you have his love it can also be taken away from you. Some other girl can come along and think that he can "win" his affections away from you too. In other words, put yourself in the girlfriend’s shoes and see how you would feel if you were in her place. All is fair in love and war, right? If you are one of those people who believe in that, just make sure you are doing it out of true feelings and not out of sport. 2. Keep in mind, that more than who the girlfriend is you want to replace, you should be focusing on the guy. Who is he really? What kind of person is he? If he can do this to his girlfriend what makes you sure he won’t do it to you, too. Don’t waste your time on figuring out how much better or worse you are than the current GF. That is not the point. What you should be concentrating on is figuring out how this guy is wired. Does he really love his girlfriend? Whether the answer is yes or no, you will still have to ask: What is he doing and what is he going to do with you? Many women miss the point and make the GF the competition when the main issue really is – who is this man who can love another but say he feels the same for you?

Good luck to you, many women have tread these waters and have lost all trace of sanity. I hope you will be one who can keep your wits about you.