I’m 20 and a graduating management student. I’m in love with this girl, let’s call her Cinderella. I don’t know how and why it happened. We were classmates last semester and then I just started looking at her. I just couldn’t take my eyes off of her. At first I didn’t know what I was feeling because I was just looking at her without doing anything to catch her attention. She’s so unique and different, so simple.

This school year, my feelings for her went up to another level. I told a mutual friend of ours "Chesa" how much I like and admire this girl, and Chesa relayed everything to Cinderella! Since then we’ve been unable to greet each other on corridors or in class since I’m such a shy person.

I only worked up the nerve to ask for her number and tell her that I want to know her more on her Friendster account. She replied with a message that told me that she is happy "being single" and that friendship was all that she could offer me. I told her that I am willing to wait, and that just being her friend is something I could accept. But even now that we’re friends, I’m still much too shy to approach her. What can I do to make her change her mind? Should I ask to talk to her? How will I approach her? -JONJAY-

This is a tale as old as time: boy likes girl, girl turns down boy, boy gets depressed.

The main thing that I can share with you is this: it takes two consenting adults to make a relationship. If you can convince her that you are the man she’d want to spend her life with, then good for you. But if not, despite everything you tried to be the man she’ll pick, then you have to do the ONLY decent thing, which is to gracefully accept her decision, and let go.

I’ve always considered myself lucky in this respect, having been on both sides of this very unpleasant fence, the fence called "unrequited love." Being on both sides is a painful experience, but seeing the same situation from different vantage points was an essential lesson for me to learn early in life.

I know the pain of loving someone who didn’t love me back. I would’ve done anything just for my love to be reciprocated. But at the end of the day, I had to respect the fact that love has to be given freely. You can’t ask for it, you can’t beg for it, you can’t argue with how somebody feels. Either they love you or they don’t.

I also know how it feels to have someone I DON’T love hounding me day-in, day-out, giving me nightmares for months! It’s no joke, having someone badgering you for your love. You feel trapped in a prison they made for you. You can’t move inside that confined emotional jailhouse. You feel like a fugitive, followed, trailed, like a prey stalked by a predator. It’s NOT a good feeling. The frustration is how to tell them no means NO. And no matter how often or how heartfelt you tell them to get lost, they just don’t seem to get the point.

This is your challenge — to balance between trying to win her over and respecting her personal space and quitting when she tells you to bug off. Basically when a girl tells you that she only wants to be your friend, that means she’s not into you. You can try, just know when to stop. Know when to keep fighting, and when to give up the fight. I know it’s easier said than done. There’s a thin line between "masugid na manliligaw" and "stalker." Don’t cross that line.

By the sound of your letter you seem smitten and infatuated by this girl. There is nothing strange about it really. It happens but the first time it happens specifically to you then...well, THEN it is a different story. Because now it feels real to you. Yes, it has been sung before. Yes, it has been written about millions of times. It’s even been made into a movie! You’ve most likely seen and heard about it from other people but this time it is happening to you and THAT makes all the difference.

Okay, first things first, you must overcome this shyness.

First of all, it gets in the way of the mating dance, metaphorically speaking, of course.

Second, you will make her nervous and shy too.

And third? Well, it just doesn’t do anything for you. A girl likes a man who is confident but not arrogant, a man who is comfortable in himself but not cocky and a man who can take control without acting like a caveman. So, you have no option at this point except to rise up to the occasion. If you want this girl to like you, she has to get to know you and what you have to offer as a person and she cannot do that if you are much too shy about the whole courting thing.

I don’t know if she really means she cannot offer you anything except friendship or if she is just being coy. At this point in time there is an equal chance of both. So, you have to really find out which it is.

Again, you can only do that if you can chat her up and that won’t happen if you let your "torpe-ness" get in the way.

I can’t blame you really, we often have strong bouts of insecurity especially when we like someone romantically. The stronger our feelings sometimes, the stronger the self-doubt. But anyway, here are some things you can try out if you want to pursue this girl:

1. You have to know as much about her as you can. Read her Friendster account. Find out her interests and what kind of girl she is. Conservative? Go getter? Tough? Ball buster? Whatever she is, find it out. Only then can you somehow understand if she is just "pakipot" or if she means exactly what she says.

2. Try reaching her thru her Friendster account. Leave an e-mail or send a message. Ask her questions about whatever she is interested in. That should get the ball rolling.

3. Ask people who know her what kind of person she is. Now, I don’t mean be a stalker or anything just scope around for whatever people might think of her. That can give you an insight too as to how to approach her.

4. Without drooling over her, just hang around her in class. Sit right next to her. In the cafeteria make sure she sees you. Again, not in a stalker kind of way but more like you want her to get accustomed to your presence. You don’t have to chat her up all the time you are in one place but make sure she gets used to seeing you. We’re hoping to get her guard down this way. No girl would say yes to a complete stranger so you have to start her getting used to you being around so that at least she doesn’t get spooked by your affections when you finally reveal them to her.

5. Make sure you make a good impression on her. I don’t mean you should lie, as most men usually interpret this tip (wink, wink) Just make sure she sees you are not a creep, a loser, a stalker, etc. If she will want you for her boyfriend she will need to know you are none of the above.

So, there’s all the advice I can offer to help you along in this potentially most emotionally charged stage in your adult life. There is a lot of happiness that this can bring you...of course, needless to say but I will say it anyway, it can bring great pain as well. I don’t mean to be cynical or jaded I just want you to get familiar with either of the possible outcomes — whether you win her affections or you get turned down.

Knowing things have an equal chance of happening and since you’ve made space in your heart and mind both possibilities it hopefully will help you keep things in check. I don’t want you to expect too much but I don’t want you to be to negative either. Stay in the middle. Hope for the best but be prepared in case things do not go your way.

Romance and the prospect of it can be such a great time of your life. You will learn so much about relationships, so much about women and most importantly the most about yourself. Hang on, my good man. This will be a bumpy ride but by God you will certainly enjoy it!