The development of self-esteem ultimately needs to go beyond a collection of activities. At its heart, self-esteem education should touch every part of a child’s life, and should manifest itself in all the ways parents help a child handle conflict, overcome obstacles, and meet challenges.

The development of a strong and positive sense of self occurs as a result of your child’s life experiences being acknowledged and validated by significant people around him, including his parents, teachers, and peers.

One of the best self-esteem builders is the use of affirmations or validating statements like: “I really love the way you smile!” or “You’ve got such a great sense of rhythm!” or “Hey, you were great in yesterday’s basketball game!”

VALIDATION VS. PRAISE

Validation is different from praise, which is often used in a manipulative way to reinforce positive behavior. Validation should emerge out of a genuine and spontaneous feeling of appreciation for your child’s existence as a unique and special person.

Children may find their true place in life only when they get out into the real world and discover a vocation that allows them to do what they do best. In order to ensure that they find their true vocation, however, we parents should begin stimulating their career aspirations from an early age. That does not mean pushing them into a job description that matches our idea, as parents, of what they should do. Rather, it means letting them know that the traits they possess are valuable in the workplace.
We can help stimulate career aspirations in our children by exposing them to a wide range of these and other high-variety, high-action, high-movement vocations through trips to the library and exposure to vocation-oriented movies and television programs.

From time to time, let us ask our children what they would like to be when they grow up. Let’s talk about their aspirations and take their comments seriously. We should try not to discourage them if they seem to want to take up a vocation we consider unsuitable or unrealistic.

SELF TALK

Over the past few years, cognitive psychologists have encouraged children and adults to engage in “self-talk,” a process whereby an individual develops key phrases that can guide him through a complex task or difficult situation.

Self-talk has proven quite useful in helping children with attention and behavior problems develop self-control and reflection skills. Self-talk can also be used to help children organize themselves.
This process of internalizing language is seen as a key to helping children develop self-control strategies. Let your children develop their own phrases (after you give some examples) rather than have them use the ones you give them. These unique expressions of their own personalities are more likely to be remembered than externally imposed phrases. Finally, have fun!

(Henry S. Tenedero is the president of the Center for Learning and Teaching Styles Philippines and board director of the International Learning Styles Network based at St. John’s University in New York. He is a graduate of Harvard Graduate School of Education Program for Education Leaders and of the Asian Institute of Management’s program in Master in Development Management. He is the author of “Breaking the IQ Myth”, “What Parents NEED to Know About Learning.” He can be reached at e-mail htenedero@yahoo.com.)