Dear reader, I know you must have had lost a mobile phone or two. You might have misplaced your handset or a friendly neighborhood mugger helped divest you of your mobile phone.

Don’t feel too bad. You are not alone. There are millions of us worldwide who have fallen victims to either thieves or uncaring circumstances and lost our cherished mobile phones. Some of us lost two or more handsets, which means some of us are either unluckier or more stupid than the rest.

It is quite embarrassing, but you can count me among the latter group. The first time it happened, I was about a decade younger than I am today. The second loss took place when I was about six years older and supposed to be much wiser.

In both occasions, I was even able to talk to the “finders” of my misplaced handset. They were all so helpful then in emphasizing my being down on my luck or unwise. And yes, that I could do a certain conjugal activity all by myself.

Such nice fellows, they both were.

Screaming Laptops

Front Door Software Corp. recently introduced an enhanced version of its Retriever laptop recovery program. Installed on a laptop, it lets your mobile computer display your contact information, even an appeal to the sense of humanity of the finder of your lost or missing portable computer.

Should the finder of your lost laptop be thick-skinned or really intent on keeping it for him or herself, Retriever then shifts to serious mode and takes drastic steps. You, the owner, can go to the company’s Web site and report your computer missing. Now, each time your computer starts up, a glaring banner appears on the screen telling everybody around that the laptop is lost or stolen.

The Retriever software even lets the laptop scream for help or curse at the thief using your own pre-recorded audio messages, such as “Burn in hell!”

The laptop, meanwhile, surreptitiously looks for a wireless path to the Internet using its built-in Wi-Fi, and detects the Internet service provider, providing you with enough information to get the police moving.

Online Bum

This may either be a most innovative humanitarian Internet marketing campaign, or the basest online scam ever. The Web site Pimp This Bum (www.pimpthisbum.com) highlights the everyday life of Tim Edwards, a homeless man in Houston, Texas. The online campaign seeks to call people’s attention to the plight of Edwards and the thousands of people like him who call the streets their home. Online visitors can also ask questions about Edwards’ life and how he fell from being an office professional to a homeless man.

I know there are similarly minded Internet enthusiasts in this country. May I suggest the following Web sites: www.thievingcongressmen.com, www.piratesingovernment.com, and www.mulctingcops.com.

You get the general idea.

That’s all for the meantime, folks. Join me again next time as we keep on watching IT. For feedback: adlfrancis@gmail.com.