Q. Dear Dawn,

Maria Crizzyl Mariscotes

When I was a few months away from delivering our firstborn, I read up on a lot of parenting books and magazines to know more about taking care of kids, the proper healthcare, the right way to rear a child. I even signed up with an online parenting site that tackles all my pressing questions. I also paid attention on the most favorite topics of mothers and listened on the conversation of friends (my age and older) to get the right feel of what should be done in different situations. There were also many shows on television that focused on childcare. I took every opportunity to listen and learn. My intention, of course, was to come up with my own unique blend of parenting. Then, I mixed it all up with lessons from my own childhood experiences when I was being raised by my parents.

But you know there is an invisible tag that comes with all babies when they are born, and it reads: WARNING! INSTRUCTION MANUAL NOT INCLUDED.

I think that when it comes to disciplining our children successfully, the secret is in consistency and follow through. But often with toddlers, their attention span can still be quite limited, so the technique here is firmness. You need to be consistent up to the point of being “irritating.” Yes, my son has developed a slightly thicker skin around his earlobes that sometimes “affects” his hearing. For instance, when I remind him that it’s not good for his tummy nor is it good manners to jump or run around while having a meal, he ignores me. It usually takes about a full 30 minutes before the sound of my voice actually makes it through his ears and into his brain because by that time, my voice amps up to a crashing: I said sit down and eat quietly!

I’m humoring you Crizzy but this is my straightforward way of sharing with you what most well-meaning mothers do on a daily basis and in different degrees. Some, like me, raise their voice to call a child’s attention while some mothers just get real quiet but with glaring eyes. I do both, depending on the damage done. My son knows I mean business when I act firm and unwavering with him. Needless to say, you must learn to tuck away your soft, gentle side to do what is right for him. Kids need to be disciplined early on and learn what is good and bad behavior. Some people like to call it “tough love” and yeah, it is so.

Your next plan of action when a child doesn’t comply with a strong, firm instruction is to take away his or her privileges. The other is to have him stand in the corner alone for a couple of minutes, with no toys, no TV within hearing distance, no companion. Parents call this “time out.” The length of time he will stand is equivalent to his age: two minutes long for a 2-year-old.

Personally, I don’t subscribe to spanking because I believe that this is your very last resort; the absolute last - meant for grave misdemeanors such as if he doesn’t comply with the first three degrees of warning. Use this tactic sparingly so that your child will not develop a "thick skin” on his backside. Otherwise, he will become so used to it that it does not bother him anymore. This will only stretch out into a long bad habit that may work against the both of you in the long run.

Also, don’t forget to follow through. After you meet him head on when he is testing your patience, don’t expect him to immediately remember all the rules at every given time. Kids need to be constantly guided and reminded of “the rules.” The next time your child wants to do things his way, hark back on the consequences when he does it. That way, by the third, fourth and succeeding times that he tries it again –with you or with other adults when you’re not around– he will recall your sweet reprimanding voice and retreat well on his own. With children, it’s wise to get them into a reasonable and logical routine.

When you’re a first-time mom, getting everything down pat may be your goal but often doing this can be painstakingly difficult. And it’s twice the energy that you need when you’re a single parent. So, brace yourself for a few rough patches. Every kid is different from the other and so are you as a mother. But soon enough, both you and your son will develop a smooth sort of synergy with one another that makes for many years of healthy bonding, loving, and learning how and when to loosen up. The key is to let him know now the kind of behavior that you want and don’t want!

Choose your battles. Sometimes it’s perfectly safe to let him have a little ice cream before going to bed. Just make him promise that he will cooperate when it comes to brushing his teeth afterwards. And if he should still whine after the sweet deed is done – follow through!