Wherefore art thou “Romeo and Bernadette?”

To entertain, of course! For starters, Mark Saltzman’s musical farce that Repertory Philippines is staging this love month sets off with Romeo – instead of getting himself killed by drinking poison per the dictates of Shakespeare’s pen – wakes up from the spell casted by a potion that lulled him to sleep from 16th century Verona, Italy to 1960 Brooklyn, New York.

And instead of demure Juliet, Romeo is pursuing sassy Bernadette who’s no Capulet – thus poses no conflict with his family, the Montagues – but her dad’s a local mobster and her fiancé is a mafioso in the making so the lovesick leading man can’t get even near her.

Worse, Romeo finds himself on the side of a rival crime family and then captures the heart of Bernadette’s maid of honor who happens to be the object of his newfound friend’s affection. But with persistence and fate on his side, he finally gets his happy ending in this parody packed with familiar Italian music, Italian-American cultural references, and New York humor.

PJ Valerio and Cris Villonco play the title roles in the Joy Virata-directed production that had a preview on Feb. 4. Of the two, Cris was clearly the more experienced and polished performer. She took to the role of Bernadette with both earnestness and enthusiasm whether she’s hitting the high notes or simply delivering her speaking lines.

PJ, on the other, seemed tentative particularly when he talks in the Bard’s language, which is a pity because he has the requisite good looks and sweet baritone that could have sent the girls in the audience swooning.

Red Concepcion and Liesl Batucan nearly stole the show with their animated portrayal of their already flamboyant roles – as Romeo’s newfound friend Dino, and as Donna, Bernadette’s maid of honor, respectively.  They also made a cute couple that we wished Romeo and Bernadette had the same chemistry that could have elicited shrieks from the audience.

Judo Henares lit up the stage as Bernadette’s sympathetic mother and long-suffering mobster’s wife who remains a vibrant individual especially when she was called a Contessa by Romeo during a chance encounter.

Jim Paoleli was attention-getter as a dead ringer for Marlon Brando’s Don Vito Corleone with his son Dino as the comical version of James Caan’s Sonny Corleone. Ditto for Rem Zamora for essaying a variety of supporting roles, including a dance teacher who gives her student Tito Titone (Bernadette’s fiancé played by Kenneth Keng) a dose of his own gun-toting antics. Dido dela Paz as Bernadette’s father Sal Penza and Jamie Wilson as his henchman Lips also had their amusing moments on stage.

For a different kind of a Valentine’s Day date, “Romeo and Bernadette” is worth a try for lovers of romance and theater alike.

(“Romeo and Bernadette” plays all Fridays and Saturdays of February at 8 p.m. with 3:30 p.m. weekend matinee shows at OnStage, located at the second floor of Greenbelt 1 in Makati City)